tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8508619860116485212.post4944353346690765867..comments2023-10-22T04:57:57.528-04:00Comments on HERD...: The post I don't want to write.kathleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07648854807234137885noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8508619860116485212.post-26979509970100370402010-11-02T15:02:10.693-04:002010-11-02T15:02:10.693-04:00Oh Kathleen, I feel for you I really do. How awful...Oh Kathleen, I feel for you I really do. How awful. But please don't be so hard on yourself. You can't possibly spot everything with your children.<br /><br />We send our children, special needs or not, to school everyday and entrust them to the professional educators. Your trust has been betrayed. How on earth did they think that this would help Oscar...now or in the future?? Beggars belief.<br /><br />I hope you get some answers AND assurances tomorrow at the IEP.I also hope you got some solace from writing this post. The power of blogging, eh?<br /><br />Congrats on securing supports for Zoe :-)<br /><br />xx Jazzyjazzygalhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04069218745940412457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8508619860116485212.post-12137412650615137632010-10-31T22:05:42.348-04:002010-10-31T22:05:42.348-04:00We should be able to trust the education system to...We should be able to trust the education system to provide the education our children require and deserve...just like we should be able to trust the police officers who keep our streets safe and our neighbors who live right next door.<br /><br />But, vigilance is required, because as much as we should and want to trust, the world is not safe. And you <em>were</em> vigilant! You caught it. You looked, and you saw the difference.<br /><br />I don't know that I would have caught it. I'm not sure I would even have checked. I don't always. (This is not said at all to imply that I think I'm the yardstick to measure by.)<br /><br />I'm glad Oscar was able to convey to you enough to express himself, even if what he conveyed hurt your heart. It's a step forward. The situation is open and that is the first step to change.<br /><br />And, I have full confidence that you will do your job well to keep it open and to change it!Stephaniehttp://embracingchaos.stephanieallencrist.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8508619860116485212.post-79495600270587551282010-10-31T21:40:15.853-04:002010-10-31T21:40:15.853-04:00I'm sorry that all of this happened. It's...I'm sorry that all of this happened. It's good that you pointed it out and I don't think you could have done anything differently. You obviously care about your son a lot and you should stop beating yourself up about this. I hope everything turns out okay.Kathryn Bjornstad-Kellyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09757451092927118197noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8508619860116485212.post-30716714968902214102010-10-31T17:36:28.247-04:002010-10-31T17:36:28.247-04:00I am so sorry all of this is happening. You don...I am so sorry all of this is happening. You don't need to be so hard on yourself. Did anyone talk to the aide, what did she say for herself?Angelahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17395127301409588288noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8508619860116485212.post-8510638743518675022010-10-31T16:55:54.093-04:002010-10-31T16:55:54.093-04:00I'm with Kim...a laptop sounds like a first st...I'm with Kim...a laptop sounds like a first step...and as someone once told me.."You only know what you know."...now you know what's up you can fix it...Oscar is the best and smart and funny and a gift to the world...sending you strength (which you don't need)...Oscar's Godmother or rather Oscar's Goddessmother...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8508619860116485212.post-12305009411624387102010-10-31T11:47:04.905-04:002010-10-31T11:47:04.905-04:00Hi Cheryl-Absolutely! I do so plan on bringing thi...Hi Cheryl-Absolutely! I do so plan on bringing this up at the meeting.<br /><br />Hi Laura-thank you..I hope that this meeting will bring some changes to the system. That our experience can help turn things around..How this was allowed to go on -if even only for a week-it is beyond me.<br /><br />Hi Looking for blue sky-Exactly, who benefits? Certainly not the people who need to...sigh..<br /><br />Hi Lynn-this is one of the reasons that I blog. We as parents need to change the system..we need to be able to trust it. Right now we can't-and that is wrong...We have some excellent aids-wonderful and dedicated..but the powers that be make it difficult to meet with them-and they are the ones who work with our kids..crazy isn't it?<br /><br />Hi Stephanie..you know what it is..I trusted these people..and feel so totally betrayed..and that Oscar is the victim of this betrayal. I think that is what threw me the most. We need to be able to trust the educational system for our kids..and I did. And yeah..that's on me..writing this post-even though I really didn't want to-helped me sort it out. There is a bit more to it than what I wrote-mainly how Oscar was affected. How he describes what has been going on..his trust in me to just "know"-and I didn't. It has been eye opening. I take responsibility for that. Some of what he has conveyed to me-has hurt my heart. I believe that much good can come out of this. I hope the school is willing to listen-and ready to change things. (I struggle with patience too! :) )kathleenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07648854807234137885noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8508619860116485212.post-28671894101131814492010-10-31T11:31:28.425-04:002010-10-31T11:31:28.425-04:00Hi Jen-Thanks for the vote of confidence and suppo...Hi Jen-Thanks for the vote of confidence and support..This was really hard and I did indeed need to vent.<br /><br />Hi BB'smum-Thanks for your support and rational calm thinking..:) It helps to hear from other parents..very much so..<br /><br />Hi Kim-as always you have my back-and give me confidence in myself and what I have done as a parent when I need it.<br /><br />Hi Papa Bear-You made some excellent points-thank you. Yes, I will be on my toes over this. I do know what my boy is capable of and I kick myself because I let myself fall into that trap of doubt...sigh...kathleenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07648854807234137885noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8508619860116485212.post-28522311198219148342010-10-31T04:35:13.843-04:002010-10-31T04:35:13.843-04:00You seem to be being awfully hard on yourself. It...You seem to be being awfully hard on yourself. It is one thing to have doubted that your son <em>could</em> do the work--if so, forgive yourself and move on. It is another to have doubted that your son <em>did</em> do the work for an unspecified period of time--under the circumstances, that is entirely justified.<br /><br />The situation is an awful one to be in. But, the important thing is to focus on what needs to change, which is the behavior of the aide and the responsiveness of the other staff.<br /><br />Perhaps your initial reaction was less than ideal. Perhaps, for a time, you allowed yourself to be manipulated. Neither dwelling on that nor chastising yourself will change that. Forgive yourself and move on. A forgiven you is better for your family than a you that will not forgive yourself.<br /><br />(Though, I have to admit sometimes when I coached Willy through his work (assignments, not quizes) the end-product sounded more like me than him. Alas, my lack of patience must be quashed!)Stephaniehttp://embracingchaos.stephanieallencrist.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8508619860116485212.post-22725794520190282712010-10-30T22:19:31.977-04:002010-10-30T22:19:31.977-04:00This is my biggest fear when the time comes for my...This is my biggest fear when the time comes for my daughter to be mainstreamed. The aides in our district are not paid well and generally clueless. And don't beat yourself up, because it is sooo hard to stay vigilant. In my district they make it hard to be vigilant with no access to the aides, etc. I hope for yours and Oscar's sake that this hasn't been going on too long...Lynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10901229142046583059noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8508619860116485212.post-45321247849589399182010-10-30T16:01:35.215-04:002010-10-30T16:01:35.215-04:00So sad for you all that this should happen..and as...So sad for you all that this should happen..and as usual I don't understand why? Like who benefits? What was the point? I have also 'found things out' by chance that I wasn't told. Things of huge significance that turned my world upside down too, or just stuff I should have been told - eg it was a while before I found out that my son had an SNA. Hopefully you can gather yourself and think things through over the weekend and sort it all out next week xLooking for Blue Skyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10010049814419812468noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8508619860116485212.post-39570903852282399422010-10-30T12:01:20.623-04:002010-10-30T12:01:20.623-04:00{{{hugs}}} You did everything absolutely right. ...{{{hugs}}} You did everything absolutely right. Including questioning those who came before. The school is in such a CYA mode, that you'll need to make sure all the bases are covered before you go to do further battle.<br /><br />And isn't that just the WORST?! Instead of being worried about the success of the student, they're worried about not being blamed. GRRRR. That's always made me mad about the school system.<br /><br />Oh, and when Coleman can't use his computer to do the work, like say on a math test, I scribe for him. I know exactly what you're taking about when it comes to what is and is not the child's work.<br /><br />Go get 'em Mama Bear!Laurahttp://www.lifewithasperger.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8508619860116485212.post-63257550921012931032010-10-30T11:43:33.854-04:002010-10-30T11:43:33.854-04:00Shouldn't the classroom teacher have noticed t...Shouldn't the classroom teacher have noticed this? I can't believe she didn't talk to Oscar's aide about this herself as soon as it happened.Cheryl D.https://www.blogger.com/profile/09325231488203008376noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8508619860116485212.post-12344406537050856152010-10-30T11:20:37.121-04:002010-10-30T11:20:37.121-04:00If this had been going on all along, there wouldn&...If this had been going on all along, there wouldn't have been anything different for you to notice. The point is that there is an obvious difference between Oscar's work and what he just brought home. It makes me sad, no, angry that when something like this comes up, the priority among school personnel is first to protect their own jobs, and then those of their colleagues, even if it means cheating a kid out of the right to a free, appropriate public education the law requires.<br /><br />Is this a new aide? Maybe a refresher on what an aide is and is not supposed to do would correct the problem and offer an opportunity for everyone to save face. Of course, in that case, they may offer that as proof that he hasn't been doing the work all along. It's easy to blame someone who no longer works there, and can't be fired.<br /><br />I don't remember what grade Oscar is in, and I don't know how many aides he has had. Could you provide samples of his work produced with several aides, showing consistency, and contrast them with what he's been bringing home recently? <br /><br /> Oh, and I know you'll be on your toes for a while. If she thinks faking it is OK, her next tactic may be, "Let's dial him back to a B student (or whatever grades he was getting before) and see if anyone notices."Daniel "Captain" Kirkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01417084546817010038noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8508619860116485212.post-44772133078022281172010-10-30T09:02:04.883-04:002010-10-30T09:02:04.883-04:00You will move mountains and it will be made right....You will move mountains and it will be made right. Perhaps it's time for a laptop instead of a person to copy his words.<br /><br />You caught it, you cared, and you're making sure they deal with it, that they fix it. <br /><br />You and I both know that there are many parents so desperate that they willingly fall into a facilitated communication trap and let their words and others stand in place of their child's. <br /><br />That isn't ever going to be you, and I believe you probably caught it pretty quickly.Kim Wombleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15492455180502821052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8508619860116485212.post-77075137678243536122010-10-30T08:42:05.542-04:002010-10-30T08:42:05.542-04:00Please don't beat yourself up, you picked up w...Please don't beat yourself up, you picked up what was happening and you acted swiftly to sort it out. We're not superwomen, just mothers doing our best. Good luck for the meeting.autismandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08639886249223327022noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8508619860116485212.post-74986785679972162052010-10-30T07:46:03.639-04:002010-10-30T07:46:03.639-04:00You were right to let it out, nothing else would h...You were right to let it out, nothing else would have felt right or helped you get it out of your system. Big hugs to you, I know exactly what that feeling is like, having your world turned upside down and not knowing which way is up, what is real and what is not. Best of luck on Wednesday and I know you will rock it, I know you will. Jen xx@jencull (jen)http://www.thekingandeye.comnoreply@blogger.com