You would think that three a.m. would be a quiet time...the world is asleep..more importantly your children are asleep-have been for hours..you have even checked to make sure..So you turn on the stereo..very low...Barry White is playing softly..it is time for a little romance..or maybe just a little intimacy..or... maybe not..."Mama!?? Whats that noise?...I think it's aliens!" NOoooo!..."Go back to sleep Sammy..it's just the cat jumping around." "But Mama..I heard lots of weird noises..what if it IS aliens? "Sammy, I swear it wasn't aliens..go back to bed buddy".. "But Mama!".."Sammy-look, I have all the lights on..see? Papa is up too..do you think aliens would dare to enter our house with both me and Papa awake?" "Ummm Mama? Why are you and Papa wearing blankets?" Sigh...
Sex seems to be a pretty hot topic around here lately. What it is..why people have it..what it looks like..even the kids are starting to ask questions. I am trying very hard to be open on the subject. This isn't an easy task considering how I was raised. Sex was a non-issue growing up. My parents, especially my mother, refused to acknowledge that any of her children had anything below the neck and above the ankles. So everything that I learned about sex as a girl,was either from books or experience. Oh the misconceptions that I had! I remember reading a book by Judy Blume called "Deenie". It is a coming of age story about a girl with scoliosis. In the story "Deenie" has to make a decision about whether or not to have back surgery or wear a brace. She is interested in boys, and is afraid that a back brace would make her less attractive. In the story she ponders these things while lying in bed at night, sometimes, she is touching her "special place." Now, I was eleven years old at the time. I had absolutely no idea of what she was doing. All that I knew was that my mother read the book and was disgusted. She even went as far as telling me "I want you to know that what Deenie did was WRONG!" For years...years..I thought that my mother had something against scoliosis and back braces, And I could not for the life of me understand why! It wasn't until I was in my thirties that I finally understood. Deenie was masturbating, and my devoutly Catholic mother found "that", not scoliosis, appalling. Sometimes, I am slow on the uptake.
I refuse to let this happen with my kids. I don't want them growing up thinking that sex is wrong or something to be ashamed of. It is a difficult thing to do. This teaching of sex. Figuring out just what they are ready to hear. That's the problem. At least with Sammy. He doesn't want to hear anything...even though he has questions. "Mama? What IS sex".."that's a good question bud..it is a wonderful expression of yourself either alone or with a partner..it can feel really good..I can give you some books if you are interested..""No..No that's o.k...I don't ever plan on having sex anyway.." "But Sam..you're eleven years old..give yourself some time..I'm sure that you will want to..""NO I WON'T!".."Sam..I am pretty sure that in the next year or so you will start getting more and more interested in it".."NO. I won't" ..sigh.."O.K...but if you ever have any questions you can always come to me or Papa.." "I WON'T HAVE QUESTIONS!" "Sam! Everyone has questions.." "I won't! I am just not interested.." "Uhh...Sammy?...how do you feel about scoliosis?" "Huh..?" "Never mind.."
It is hard watching your kids struggle with growing up. As with all things, I have to let them learn and grow at their own pace. I can't force them to learn something they are not ready for. As long as they know that I am there when they are ready- has to be good enough. I don't want them figuring out things like I did...in my thirties. I don't want them thinking that sex is wrong or shameful. I want them to grow up with a strong sense of self. But, until then I want them to quit waking up at three in the morning..or bursting into our bedroom at inopportune times. I would like some time with Omar-uninterrupted....and I don't know how much longer blaming the cat is going to work.