Thursday, February 18, 2010

Sex..interrupted

"I'll come and make love to you at five o'clock, if I'm late start without me"
Tallulah Bankhead



You would think that three a.m. would be a quiet time...the world is asleep..more importantly your children are asleep-have been for hours..you have even checked to make sure..So you turn on the stereo..very low...Barry White is playing softly..it is time for a little romance..or maybe just a little intimacy..or... maybe not..."Mama!?? Whats that noise?...I think it's aliens!" NOoooo!..."Go back to sleep Sammy..it's just the cat jumping around." "But Mama..I heard lots of weird noises..what if it IS aliens? "Sammy, I swear it wasn't aliens..go back to bed buddy".. "But Mama!".."Sammy-look, I have all the lights on..see? Papa is up too..do you think aliens would dare to enter our house with both me and Papa awake?" "Ummm Mama? Why are you and Papa wearing blankets?" Sigh...

Sex seems to be a pretty hot topic around here lately. What it is..why people have it..what it looks like..even the kids are starting to ask questions. I am trying very hard to be open on the subject. This isn't an easy task considering how I was raised. Sex was a non-issue growing up. My parents, especially my mother, refused to acknowledge that any of her children had anything below the neck and above the ankles. So everything that I learned about sex as a girl,was either from books or experience. Oh the misconceptions that I had! I remember reading a book by Judy Blume called "Deenie". It is a coming of age story about a girl with scoliosis. In the story "Deenie" has to make a decision about whether or not to have back surgery or wear a brace. She is interested in boys, and is afraid that a back brace would make her less attractive. In the story she ponders these things while lying in bed at night, sometimes, she is touching her "special place." Now, I was eleven years old at the time. I had absolutely no idea of what she was doing. All that I knew was that my mother read the book and was disgusted. She even went as far as telling me "I want you to know that what Deenie did was WRONG!" For years...years..I thought that my mother had something against scoliosis and back braces, And I could not for the life of me understand why! It wasn't until I was in my thirties that I finally understood. Deenie was masturbating, and my devoutly Catholic mother found "that", not scoliosis, appalling. Sometimes, I am slow on the uptake.

I refuse to let this happen with my kids. I don't want them growing up thinking that sex is wrong or something to be ashamed of. It is a difficult thing to do. This teaching of sex. Figuring out just what they are ready to hear. That's the problem. At least with Sammy. He doesn't want to hear anything...even though he has questions. "Mama? What IS sex".."that's a good question bud..it is a wonderful expression of yourself either alone or with a partner..it can feel really good..I can give you some books if you are interested..""No..No that's o.k...I don't ever plan on having sex anyway.." "But Sam..you're eleven years old..give yourself some time..I'm sure that you will want to..""NO I WON'T!".."Sam..I am pretty sure that in the next year or so you will start getting more and more interested in it".."NO. I won't" ..sigh.."O.K...but if you ever have any questions you can always come to me or Papa.." "I WON'T HAVE QUESTIONS!" "Sam! Everyone has questions.." "I won't! I am just not interested.." "Uhh...Sammy?...how do you feel about scoliosis?" "Huh..?" "Never mind.."

It is hard watching your kids struggle with growing up. As with all things, I have to let them learn and grow at their own pace. I can't force them to learn something they are not ready for. As long as they know that I am there when they are ready- has to be good enough. I don't want them figuring out things like I did...in my thirties. I don't want them thinking that sex is wrong or shameful. I want them to grow up with a strong sense of self. But, until then I want them to quit waking up at three in the morning..or bursting into our bedroom at inopportune times. I would like some time with Omar-uninterrupted....and I don't know how much longer blaming the cat is going to work.

11 comments:

KWombles said...

Hahahaha...blaming the cat. Didn't get it until the last line. :-)

A strong sense of self and the awareness of the right place for sensing that self, too. The things you have to look forward to.....

kathleen said...

hee! :) Oh yes...I do so know what you are saying!

denise said...

"I thought my mother had something against scoloiosis and back braces"

Still laughing! My throat hurts now. Thanks a lot :)

blackknightsbrood said...

Oh, I think I remember Deenie! But surely imagined her 'special place' was a treehouse.

Kids seem to have a radar for closed door romance. Sounds like a trip to Home Depot may be in order... a really loud fan? and definitely a couple good locks. Good luck!

Anonymous said...

Brought back fond memories:) Loved it!

Ei

kathleen said...

@ Denise..I really thought that! I am ashamed that it took me till my thirties to realize just what it was she was referring to! I just couldn't wrap my head around her being against scoliosis..I mean really.:)
Hi Blacknightsbrood! Yeah...they are magnets..I am really learning how to be creative with the excuses thats for sure..

Hi Ei..glad you liked it..yes, mom was an odd one wasn't she?

Clay said...

Um, could you explain about the cat?

kathleen said...

Hi Clay! ummmm the cat...well, if Omar and myself should make any noise...say the bed knocks against the wall-Sammy WANTS to know what the sound is-in case of aliens. We always tell him it is the cat jumping around. Which if he thinks about it won't make sense..I'm scared of the day he questions it..plus the cat is getting old..and might not be around to blame for much longer...

jazzygal said...

Another good one Kathleen! You sure you didn't grow up in Ireland??! Same attitude in my house towards Sex. Anything even remotely sexual on the TV and channel was promptly switched!

WiiBoy on the other hand spouts the word regularly...anyone seen kissing is "doing the S word mum"!! I've banned the word (along with Boobs, willies and gay) because he uses them inappropriately. Verbal stimming perhaps??? He's allowed use them if we can have an intelligent question/answer session!

I left a little something for you over on my blog if you'd like to collect it ;)) xx Jazzy

kathleen said...

Hi Jazzy! You hit the nail on the head. My grandparents came here from Ireland. My mom was raised in an ultra Irish Catholic household..And, although I respect everyones beliefs and faiths...my moms house growing up had so many pictures of Jesus in various horrendous poses it's a wonder she wound up having sex at all:)
I do so relate to the inappropriate things...One of my boys believes that his boy parts resemble an elephant-which makes for interesting times in public changing rooms..;0

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