Dogs don't read and bears don't use toilet paper..

 ~"Don't look at me in that tone of voice"~ Dorothy Parker

 This morning as I was filling the bin with dog food-I happened to notice something written on the side of the food bag. "Better Tasting than ever!" and I thought to myself.."How do they know that?"  I mean really, According to who??? Do they have dog taste tests? Do they have special dogs that come in and rate the food? Do they fill out questionnaire's? Check little boxes..?  I mean hell..my dogs eat anything..food, garbage...poop-they do not discriminate. So why was this written on the bag?  My dogs don't read...nor do they shop...They certainly don't have money-or even thumbs!  I know why I buy it..twenty dollars for fifty pounds of dog food is a good deal- especially when you have three dogs to feed.  But come on now!  Trying to sway me by saying  that it tastes even better? I'm certainly not going to taste it.  And again-my dogs eat poop-by choice.

  Advertising-commercials..slogans and jingles..they are all things I try and teach my kids about. I think it is one of the first steps towards giving them critical thinking skills.  I can't tell you how many times they have yelled for me to come and see something that is being advertised on the t.v....something they just know is great..
"Mama..mama..MAMA!!!!!!!"
"What! What is it?!"
"You have to see this(insert name of piece of crap here)! I want it!"
"It does look fun....for about thirty seconds..you'll get bored with it pretty quick."
"No! No I won't!  Look at the kids playing with it-THEY'RE HAVING FUN!"
"Oh but honey..they are paid a lot of money to look as if they are having fun..they are acting."
*sigh* and on it will go..until one day..say a birthday or Christmas..I will get them this (insert name of piece of crap) thing. and usually..it winds up either being broken in hours...or cast aside because it really doesn't do much and they find it boring. 

  They are learning..slowly but surely..I'm finding them arguing the same points to each other - when one of them is excited about something that they see advertised.  It also helps that I will bring them to the store to actually try out LOOK at the item that they are so desperate for. As I said, it is slow going. There is one item however, that we can't seem to get over wanting..or rather- Oscar can't seem to get over wanting.  "Charmin Ultra toilet paper"  Yes, my boy is fascinated by it-always has been.  I think it is the cartoon bears in the commercials What is it with those bears anyway? They can read a newspaper, use toilet paper..yet they still s**t in the woods? And then there is the mother bears obsession with "pieces" of toilet paper sticking to their furry behinds! Well what does she expect!! They're bears using toilet paper!  Am I supposed to be able to relate to this?  Am I supposed to nod my head in agreement thinking "Yes, I too worry about pieces being left .....behind."?. Maybe if my kids had fur...but I digress. As I mentioned, Oscar has had this fascination for years. Every now and then he'll request it.  Being a "Scott brand tissue" kind of family..I've always said "No." But today...today I thought I would surprise him. I guess I was feeling kind of reckless (as only a stay at home mom of four kids can)  I was at the store and we needed toilet paper..so I figured-"Why not?". As I went to reach for the Charmin Ultra, I noticed it had a slogan on the package.."Use less so you can go more!"  Excuse me? What does that mean??!!  Are they somehow implying that people walk around "holding it in" because they are worried about the cost?  Maybe it's me..perhaps I just have a" devil may care" attitude...because I have never once worried about the cost of a square of toilet paper nor have I giggled with reckless abandon as I wantonly pulled square after square off the roll.  It's toilet paper for goodness sake!.. Holy crap! (and I mean that on so many levels)   Needless to say, I put it back on the shelf and bought our usual brand..because "A thousand sheets last longer." Now THAT'S a slogan that makes sense.

   So this evening, as I fed the dogs their "Better tasting then ever!!" food. I watched them-to see if their was a reaction...Would they notice a difference?  Perhaps look upon me with gratitude- as if saying "thank you for this even better tasting kibble made from animal byproducts." They sucked it down in about six seconds-as they usually do. None of them said anything about the taste. Perhaps after they digest it..you know,after it has aged a bit.  I'll let you know after their walk.