~"L'amor che move il sole e l'altre stelle."~ Dante
It has been only three and a half days since Tuesday- the official start of Summer vacation...which makes it seventy three days until the beginning of school next fall. Not that I'm counting or anything. I do look forward to having the herd to myself..to lazier days..to not having to rush around so much. But on the other hand...
"Mama? We're bored...Mama?.Mama? Can I have a snack?..Mama can I have turn on the computer? Mama? Mama? Mama! we are out of toilet paper!..Ummm Mama? I clogged the toilet...Mama why do you have those lines on your forehead? Mama? MAAMAA? Why aren't you saying anything? Mama?"
That was Wednesday.
I'm guessing that a lot of parents are going through a similar time right now. The change from a solid school routine to open ended days can be rough on the best of us. It is one off those curve-balls that parenting throws you. Sometimes I wish there were a manual..a kind of "Care and feeding of (insert your child's name)" book that was handed out at birth. It would make things so much easier..because, for the most part I feel like parenting is a lot like driving without brakes. Most of the time it is great fun...but at other times? Just when you think that you have it under control..you hit a curved section and then sometimes hang on for dear life. Sometimes parenting feels like an extreme sport.
Last week, I was part of an online discussion where someone posted-
"Mama? We're bored...Mama?.Mama? Can I have a snack?..Mama can I have turn on the computer? Mama? Mama? Mama! we are out of toilet paper!..Ummm Mama? I clogged the toilet...Mama why do you have those lines on your forehead? Mama? MAAMAA? Why aren't you saying anything? Mama?"
That was Wednesday.
I'm guessing that a lot of parents are going through a similar time right now. The change from a solid school routine to open ended days can be rough on the best of us. It is one off those curve-balls that parenting throws you. Sometimes I wish there were a manual..a kind of "Care and feeding of (insert your child's name)" book that was handed out at birth. It would make things so much easier..because, for the most part I feel like parenting is a lot like driving without brakes. Most of the time it is great fun...but at other times? Just when you think that you have it under control..you hit a curved section and then sometimes hang on for dear life. Sometimes parenting feels like an extreme sport.
Last week, I was part of an online discussion where someone posted-
"I could not be a parent to a special needs child. Kudos to everyone who is a better person than I am"
A better person? I immediately had this bizarre image of myself wearing flowing white robes with a halo and beams of golden light shining down on my serene face..as heavenly music played...I responded with....
"parenting a child with special need does not make anyone a better person. I don't think that I have ever heard anyone say "I hope that I have a special needs child"..When you choose to become a parent-that is where your choice ends. I do understand someone saying "could never"...but you would be amazed at how things change once you hold your child in your arms..my kids are my greatest joy-and privilege. My life is better for knowing them..but I'm not a better person for raising them. I'm just doing my job."
I really do understand her saying that -and I do try not to let statements like that piss me off..because...well, I don't think that anyone really knows what parenting is until they become a parent themselves. I'm sure if you had asked me thirteen years ago if I'd be willing to pull poopie socks out of a clogged toilet...remove paint from a dog..or even hold on to my son for hours while he screamed himself hoarse. I'd have said "NO!...MY kids would NEVER do that!!!" But, they have...and so I did. Is it because they have "special needs"... Or.. Is it because I'm just a better person? -Neither. I just did it because I'm a parent-they are my kids...and I love them. It's as simple as that. Holy crap-I'd move the earth if that's what they needed.
*sigh* I wish that I had just walked away from that conversation... Because this woman, in so many words told me that she was "different" she had "goals"..that when she had a child it would be normal- someone who went away to college when they were eighteen..giving her her life back.....that she would NEVER raise nor love a "special needs" child..no, she would rather abort it or give it away at birth.. She ended her rant with "welcome to humanity". Humanity?! Is that what that was? How does one respond to that ..besides saying "please don't ever procreate." I chose to keep quiet..and just walked away. It is amazing what people think is appropriate to say on a site that is for autistic people and their families...
I am certainly no expert at parenting..there are
Only seventy three more days....
12 comments:
As usual Kathleen you make me laugh! Amid the seriousness of course!
Our summer school break is a 2 weeks away and I can't even bring myself to blog about it, although I do have plans!
I so admire your courage for walking away from that convo.. totally makes you a 'better person' in my books ;-)Good God.... words fail me. Of course I agree with your parenting take. We just do our job and are all the better for having our kids in our lives.
I'm laughing at the visio of you... of all of us .... floating around in white robes and halos!! Nah... doesn't work!
xx Jazzy
Ah that's hilarious, in an outrageous sort of way. You were so right to walk away from that wagon. Maybe she thinks it's still 1942 in Germany.
Hey I fling my halo at my wine rack, and whichever one it snags on is the one I'll open.
XXX
73 days!! Good luck! But now we no longer have summer holidays - in a strange way i miss them.
Raising awreness is never ending - at least summer hols are!
When people say to me, "I don't think I can do it" when referring to raising a kid with a disablity, I always say, "You could and you would because you have no choice." However, that "woman" with whom you had the conversation may be the exception. I agree that she should not procreate. Or breathe.
I am very glad I didn't come across this person. Since my wings are no where in sight I might have a few choice words for her.
Hang in there!
If I had to manage my 3 for 73 days without a break I would so deserve a halo, I think you do as well xx
What a sad woman - no faith in herself and very afraid of life. Doesn't she know that after becoming a parent you develop special powers? I so do like having eyes in the back of my head!
Love, Ei
I'm glad it was you and not me running into that lady. You handled yourself way better than I would have. And I'm right there with you on the summer break. The first twenty seconds of the first day I was assaulted with--I'M BORED!!!!!
I'm totally counting down until school starts...these kids are wiping me out. I actually joined a gym today because they have child care...
and wow, that woman obviously has no clue what she's talking about...good for you for not replying to her asinine comment...
Wow. I think whoever that commenter was had better learn a bit more about parenting before he/she gives it a shot.
1) Kids in all forms mean adjusting our "goals."
2) Kids in all forms require extensive, life-long sacrifices.
3) Kids in all forms ensure that you never "get your life back."
Those aren't "special needs." That's just part of everyday parenting. And those parents who don't get that going in, or learn it rather quick, are the parents mostly likely (in my opinion) to do their children serious, life-long harm.
Selfish, self-absorbed people should not become parents unless they are willing to give up their selfishness and self-absorbtion. Hopefully he/she acquires the wisdom to recognize that unless he/she changes, he/she should choose not to have children.
Oh, naked grandma! Yikes!
HAHA, good thing there are laws against aborting 2 year olds. Cause that's when my kids were diagnosed. I'd like to see her give those back. All I can say is when life comes and bites her on the ass, she will sing a different tune. Or she will be a miserable failure for all to see. My kids were not the choice I would have made, but having them was my choice. I have the obligation to step up to the plate. Is there any other way? There is no other way I would choose.
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