.Scary...

~"What I do is between me and the Lord, to examine and possibly alter the state of grace in which I live, and thereby the state of grace of anybody who listens." Townes Van Zandt

 We were driving to the Halloween/party store the other night..all six of us squeezed  together in one van. This has slowly been happening less and less.  As the kids get older,(and can stay home alone) this type of adventure becomes rarer..So I was enjoying all of us just being together..the boys and their long legs squished into the back (because that is where they have ALWAYS sat) and the girls in the roomier second row seats. Omar and I up front- listening to them talk to each other..having random bits of conversation..("Does Ebola have something to do with your elbows getting sick?")  mostly they were focused on Halloween..my favorite holiday.."When did Halloween start anyway?"..."I think it was in the year seven.." "That doesn't make sense!  Everyone would have been seven years old!  Seven years old people don't make up holidays..because they don't have anyone taking care of them and feeding them and they were mostly probably eaten." 

I just adore they way my youngest thinks.She has an opinion on EVERYTHING...usually delivered with great disdain..She is so very passionate, so full of ideas..opinions...AND, she saves them all for home as she is not comfortable speaking at school. Which sometimes works against her..

  She came home the other day just beside herself. A group had come to the school to bring disability awareness and sensitivity training. Only...they didn't seem to be very aware or sensitive.  At least not to my girl..I know of this group as they have come to our school every year we have lived in town..I'm not a huge fan. They talk about changing attitudes and bringing respect towards people with disabilities..but how do they do that? By having non disabled people discuss what disability is. That makes no sense. You can not talk about inclusion when you do not include the people you are talking about in the conversation.(reading aloud a story or stories about a disabled person is NOT inclusion) It sends the wrong message. Us and them.  Unfortunately, it was one my daughter heard loud and clear.
   
 Imagine hearing an adult-an advocate-a sensitivity trainer-discussing a part of you..that  very real part that impacts everything that you do,..just imagine hearing this advocate discuss with another child that they hoped that a cure would be found for this part of you,....that your kind of brain didn't grow right..imagine hearing that at eight years old....As my daughter later wrote "It was shocking. I thought it was true.I got teary eyed...it made me feel different..but not in a good way."

  We are so weird about discussing disability. We talk around it..Pretend that there really isn't much of a difference between abled and disabled. Pat ourselves on the back for being so open minded and inclusive.  But really-are we?  Inclusion isn't declaring the "popular "can get a date with anyone" boy or girl"- a hero for asking a disabled kid to the dance, inclusion isn't cheering extra loud when an autistic boy makes a basket in a regular basketball game, inclusion isn't purposely sitting next to a person at lunch because they are disabled. No, these gestures, as well intended as they may be, are isolating.  They are a direct reflection of how disability and disabled people are viewed. Less then, incapable, one size fits all.
No amount of advocacy, or sensitivity training is going to change that until we include the disabled community in the conversation. That is the perspective we should be listening to. 

  My youngest had a bumpy week...luckily it ended on Halloween. My little town does an amazing job of it..closing off streets so kids can trick or treat safely, homeowners going all out with decorations and costumes, local businesses giving away hot drinks and treats..the senior center has a haunted house (and it is scary!)..all of this kind of restores your faith in the world..keeps you hoping that maybe things CAN change...My kids are quickly growing older,,they are moving forward...I need to believe that the world will move along with them..

On the 7th day-she's resting..The ramble of a really long week..

~"Holy crap I'm late!"~ Me

I was going to sit down and write a post about a couple of important things that have been going on with the kids...but-this week just turned into a cosmic free fall of events and obligations many of which..well..I kind of forgot about-until the last minute...

  On Monday, I had an appointment in the morning.  Living in a small town has some great perks-until you have to actually go somewhere-because we are at least a half hour from  anywhere...I don't know what it is..I know that if I have a scheduled appointment out of town-I have to leave by a certain time in order to get there. It never fails-I'll be up, dressed, ready to go...and yet-ALWAYS I wind up leaving twenty minutes later than planned..which means that I have to rush...and when I have to rush..I ALWAYS get stuck behind the slowest driver in the universe-who seems to have forgotten that their turn signal is on..while constantly stepping on their brakes. (and there is no passing lane)-or a school bus making frequent stops..with a bus driver(not from my town) Who I just KNOW is reveling in their power of making me stop EVERY twenty feet and wait. The thing is-if I had left at the right time-I'd have been very early to my appointment..instead I wound up being over forty minutes late...Which in turn, led them to reschedule me for a later time. So that my early morning appointment turned into an early afternoon appointment..and I got home just as the kids were getting off of the bus...Lily and Zoe running off to let me know that they promised I would bake muffins for their healthy snack parties on Thursday..

  I should have just spent the rest of the week in bed.

  Tuesday morning...the dawn cracked without me...because I somehow turned off my alarm and went back to sleep..only to wake up really late... late enough that I had to rush (my rush adverse) kids so that they would make it on to the bus. Unfortunately, I forgot to check the weather..which had gone from a balmy 50 degrees down to the low 20's...AND I did not know where their winter coats were..I already fear judgement from what my kids have in their lunch boxes..(I can't help that Zoe's ONLY acceptable foods are chocolate pop tarts and diced pears!(-we're working on it) I was NOT going to send my kids in their flimsy sweaters while there was frost on the ground. So...I rushed like a crazy woman-madly tearing apart the attic..closets..and finally the garage (which we had cleaned and organized the Sunday before-which looks worse now than when we had started cleaning and organizing it) I found a musty coat of Omar's for Sam..Sam's old coat for Oscar..an old coat of mine for Lily...and Zoe..well, she had her old coat from 2 years ago (pop tarts and pears will do that). My kids may have smelled like a donation bin-but they were warm! AND they were on the bus! After they left-I went grocery shopping. My cupboards were bare..and I had a fund raiser..and now- healthy snack parties that I promised to bake for. I  did remember my grocery list-unfortunately I didn't look too closely at what I was buying and wound up with three packages of fat free muffin mix..fat free? EWWWWWWWW! . I was going to simply turn around and go back to the store..but I noticed that Dorothy (my chicken) was behaving strangely.  She was pacing and extremely agitated- yelling her little chicken head off...so, I went to investigate. Walking around the house..crawling through bushes.where I flushed out a sick fox...a sick hungry fox..that was a bit confrontational before deciding to run off.  Now, a sick fox can be a dangerous animal. So, I did the responsible thing and called the game warden...and waited for him to call back...and waited...and waited. When he finally did call me..he said that he was in another town..and I should just go out and shoot the fox and leave his body in the woods. Right. I'm not even going there.  . By the time I got off the phone with him...*sigh* the kids were getting off of the bus..."Oh well, there is always Wednesday" I thought with my naive mind..

  On Wednesday, everything was right on schedule..the kids got off o.k...I had my coffee-life was calm. I thought I would start my day by visiting my favorite librarian-and then, I would go back to the market and pick up my forgotten baking supplies. I had a lovely visit.  On my way out of the library door, I met a gentleman who was handing out homemade paper weights (he made them from rocks) He insisted that I pick one..saying "You have to pick one you like and then you will have good luck" I thought it was sweet-so I picked one out...thanked him for the lucky rock and got into my car. Only to back up and hit a car that I had not seen parked behind me. Lucky rock indeed. Of course the driver was no where to be found. (there was no damage-but I left them a note with my info just in case) I went home and called my insurance company-again, just in case...and by the time I got off of the phone...guess who was getting off of the bus? *sigh*  So, I improvised with the fat free mixes-adding eggs and cream..keeping my fingers crossed they would be edible..

  Thursday was Halloween! For the most part the night was great.  It poured rain-but that didn't stop my town from celebrating. Everyone had a great time...My only issue was in the morning.  I stopped by the girls school with my "improved muffins" and other healthy snack like things...Only...when I got to Zoe's classroom-I seemed to be the only parent who brought muffins,,,plates spoons and yogurt..actually-maybe the only parent who brought anything...which makes me question whether Zoe's healthy snack party was a ruse...something that she made up-because her sister was having one and she felt left out. I'm wondering if her teacher thought my behavior was odd.   Was I conned into preparing for an imaginary party?

  Zoe went to bed Thursday night with pink and black hair from trick or treating (She was "Draculaura from "Monster High")  I told her that if she did not get in the shower, she would have colored hair in school the next day.  She said that she didn't mind.  It would be "fun".  "Are you sure" I asked skeptically? "Yes!" she exclaimed. On Friday morning-Zoe lost it.  Loudly exclaiming that she was NOT "going to school with pink hair!"  She yelled-she cried-she would have gnashed her teeth if she had any. (she's missing quite a few) Have you ever tried to scrub pink hair spray out of someones hair?  Have you done it in under three minutes flat-dried it AND got your child on the school bus?  I did.  It was exhausting.  I would have liked to go back to bed-but, I had things to do.  I baked for the the special Olympic swimmers (I volunteer as a chaperone every Friday- to swim practice) I baked for Saturdays bake sale..I washed Lily's dalmatian costume-(as it had gotten muddy the night before-AND she needed it for the Girl Scouts costume dance that night) And all of the spots washed out.  I ran to my volunteer job..I ran home..I re-spotted Lily's costume...the kids came home...I rushed them through dinner..tried to get the girls in their costumes..repainting Zoe's hair..and...when Lily decided she might not wear her dalmatian costume yelled things like "I spent 45 minutes putting those spots back on! You ARE wearing it!  I did not re-spot those pants for fun!" Needless to say-she wore her costume. On our way to the dance, I misspelled the name of the town we were going to and took us 30 minutes out of our way..but we eventually got there...The girls had a great time.

  I really wanted to sleep in this morning-But, I had a fund raiser to be at by  9:00..Which I arrived at (baked goods in hand) at 9:30. At least I made it there!   I am spending the rest of the day catching up on all the things that I didn't get to this week...and finding coats for the kids...and sadly-putting the garage back in order.  I'm not leaving bed tomorrow-and depending on what life has in store for me next week-I may just stay there.  Seems to be the safest bet...

Catching up with thankful..

~“I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.”~ Woody Allen

  Wow-I seem to have misplaced the month of November. One minute it is Halloween and now all of a sudden we are preparing for Christmas. I guess that I have some catching up to do..

Halloween

Halloween went really well this year-costumes were easy-the kids had a great time...the boys gave me all their candy.  that works well for me.

Oscar as the Red Angry Bird

 My boys are more interested in dressing up than in actual trick or treating. To them-the costume is everything.   My girls are more like me-driven.They do like dressing up-but they also like getting as much candy as they can fit in their bags..I am probably one of the only adults who spurs her kids on to get to the "good" houses before they ran out of candy.  You know, the ones that give out real chocolate-or giant candy bars..After seven years of living here-I know the hot spots.  For instance,we always run on over to the local  funeral home-because, they give out big candy bars.(.they also have a "parking at your own risk" sign.. which kind of makes me wonder.)  As a kid-Halloween was one of my most favorite holidays. It wasn't so much the dressing up as it was the free candy.  You have to understand.  I grew up in a home where an apple was considered a snack, a treat...sometimes even...gasp!  a dessert!  So any day that consisted of filling a bag up of free candy-was a good day indeed.  I have wonderful memories of trick or treating for hours, going home and counting candy bars with my brother and sister(all of us still in costume)...trading each other for favorites...finding the perfect hiding spot so that my brother wouldn't steal some. Although he always managed to find it....*sigh*  Always.  I did eventually get him back though (as only a younger sibling can). I won't go into details...lets just say it involved a strategically(and very publicly) placed "Playboy" magazine...and my mother.   I may have been younger-but I was oh so much smarter.  Maybe it's me..but my kids seem to get along better with each other than I did with my siblings.  Sure, the argue and fight...but somehow it just doesn't seem the same. I do know that if I ever found a strategically placed "Playboy" magazine-I would just laugh.. I wouldn't however, stand for candy thievery of any sort! Especially if it were mine That sort of behavior is just not tolerated in this house.  .

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving rolled around like it always does-right when the kids have finally adjusted to the routine of school. *sigh*  Although each year gets a little bit better for us.  There was a time when sitting at the table and eating was just not an option..for any of us. Way back then..we were in a different place.  We didn't know what was going on with the boys..words like "sensory overload" or "stimming" had no meaning for us. But even in those dark times, I still found myself thankful. We had each other-all of us.  We were a family,we held tight to each other and we would and could get through anything. Sleep deprivation..endless screaming and frustration..things that at times pushed me to my limits and beyond..through all of that.. our boys never gave up on us..loved us unconditionally-no matter how many times I may have let them down( through my ignorance of the situation-and my impatience)..they were (and still are)two of  the most beautiful beings I could ever have the privilege to parent.So,  Thanksgiving has a lot of meaning to me.  This year as Omar set out the traditional turkey dinner, and I set out the traditional pizza, I once again thought about how thankful that I was. There I was, surrounded by most of those nearest and dearest to my heart....and we were ALL sitting at the table. 

  December . 

December is a busy busy time for me.  I love Christmas. I love getting the kids presents..I ADORE using the threat of calling Santa(for those that still believe) to get good behavior...actually, I start bringing that up in September.It is one of my favorite times of year. Gift giving, cookie baking...all of it-well, except for maybe the annual Christmas concert..(Am I the only parent that loathes these things?  Or am I the only one that just openly admits it?) It's a wonderful time (except for the two hours at the concert...AND how could I forget- the two hours spent with the Girl Scouts singing to victims senior citizens)  I am looking forward to the holiday. To some down time spent with the people I love most..It should be wonderful.  If by chance it becomes to much-Or I find myself overwhelmed by what needs to be done (think concerts) I still have plenty of Halloween candy left to help carry me through.I keep it hidden in the garage...along with a copy of "Playboy" should my brother decide to come visit...