The very bumpy road to quiet...

   

~"Trouble..oh, trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble..Feels like every time I get back on my feet, she comes around and knock me down again.."~ Ray Lamontagne

 I think that this, in many ways has been our hardest year yet. Holy crap-it has just been one thing after another-and I am starting to feel a little bit
    pessimistic...loopy..out of my head...strained if you will.. It feels like we have been living under a ginormous cloud of doom and damnation. Really, there is no other apt description.  Times like this...well, honestly, there haven't been any other times like this...But, in difficult situations, I try and evaluate things..try and figure out what exactly the universe is screaming telling us.What can we change?  What can we do differently-or better? What can I find that is positive..I look hard for the positive..I do..really!

  Back in June, when Omar lost his job..we thought.."HOLY CRAP! OH NO! WTF ARE WE GOING TO DO?!  Gosh! Lets look at this as an opportunity!" We had known for a while that he had wanted to do something else..that change might be a good thing.  We had thought about it a lot.  But- thinking isn't doing.  His job had paid very well..and we were comfortable with that.  We reasoned that his job loss was the universe giving us the kick forward that we needed-making us change things. I mean really, there is nothing quite like losing your job, your benefits, and your stock options to make one reassess their situation!  ...So, change we did-or so we imagined...Omar, after careful deliberation, took a job offer. It was a step away from what he had been doing. It was the same line of work-only different..and we had thought-better. In some ways it has been. In others?  Lets just say it has been crazy nonsensical an *cough* adventure..oh what a time we have had! AND  here we are..*gulp* once again thinking "Something HAS to freaking change!

  I'm starting to think that maybe it's me.  Maybe I'm the one the universe is yelling at.  Maybe I'm the one who should be looking to change how I have been doing things..The problem is-what do I do?

  My dad, in loving moments-used to look at me and say "Kid? You have no skills." He was right!  I don't! Really and truly-I have absolutely no marketable skills. I have a degree in theater for goodness sake! While I do consider myself to have been quite good (it's been a few years since I've performed) I don't see a profitable future in monologues...or in dressing up as giant costumed characters-at least not in Maine. Some people have suggested that I write a book. Which is a lovely ego boost (I must admit)....and, I have had a few stories published-for actual money..But honestly? What in the world would I write an entire book about?  Autism? Ick-don't we already have enough of those? "A mother struggles (with great depth and emotion-none of which I have) to understand..a child-who, against all odds- succeeds..they walk off (lots of tears streaming down the mothers face) into the sunset" Blechhh... As for my life...sadly, it just isn't that interesting.  Don't get me wrong!  My life is quite wonderful..but-To write a book-you need to be fascinating-quirky..to have struggles and a dark history or a sordid past..disease helps.  Me?  I've got nothing...I can just imagine the title "Mediocre-a mothers quest to vacuum the living room"..or "Laundry-a mothers journey towards folding and putting away." You couldn't even make a Lifetime movie out of it...which is what happens to all books of that variety..Can you understand my predicament?  I'm just not all that interesting!

 So... I've been looking at other options. I don't want to go back to school..I'm going to be fifty this year, and am pretty much as "higher educated" as I am going to be. Besides, I just don't have the attention span to sit through classes..Although...I have received a couple of (unsolicited) offers for job training that have spurred my interest.  I must admit that I am kind of intrigued by the  "Train at home to be a funeral director" catalog.  Yes, there is a  part of me that wants to look into that.  How does one train at home? The pamphlet says that they supply textbooks(Somber 101?) and..learning aids...Learning aids? What could they possibly be? Can you mail a cadaver...or do you have to supply your own? More importantly, after finishing the course-can you work from home?

  We are finally finally finally at the beginning of the end of a very long, very cold, very stressful winter. I would really like it if things would calm down for a bit. Give us a moment to catch our breath..check in on my kids (who, really need so much more of my attention than I have been giving them)..maybe hang out with my chickens...drink some coffee...stare out the window. I would really enjoy a few weeks of unfettered life...A little peace, a lot of calm...and a whole bunch of quiet. Oh..peace and quiet..what a joy that would be! But how do I get that?....Hmmmm.... Maybe funeral directing wouldn't be such a bad choice after all..I might even be able to write a book about it."Kathleen Leopold-Funeral Director".or-"A woman and her corpse".."A mothers adventure in embalming?"..The possibilities are endless.....