~"You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar."~George Carlin
At about 7:00 each night, when I know that the kids are occupied..I sneak upstairs to my bedroom. I quietly close my bedroom door over-but I don't shut it completely. No! Shutting it would only incite curiosity..it would draw my kids like moths to a flame.
"What's she doing up there?"
"Why did she close her door?
" Knock knock knock..
That is exactly what I don't want! So I have to trick them...make them think that I'm not doing anything special..nothing to see here folks!..I'm just doing regular every day kind of stuff...it's boring-AND I might ask you to help..(It works)...So, I close the door over..and then freeze. I perk my ears to listen..have they noticed I'm missing?..Are they still busy? .Is there enough time? .If I can answer yes to all three-I proceed with the operation. Slowly..oh so slowly, I open my drawer and gently...very delicately pull out (cue heavenly light and angel voices) a thing of great beauty! A joy to behold! A beautiful foil wrapped Cadbury caramel filled chocolate egg..Oh! Glory in an orb! Creamy chocolate and buttery caramel and it's ALL MINE!!..MINE!!! With the agility of a cat, I vault up on to the pillow laden bed, egg in hand and turn on the t.v.-not too loud!...just enough to mask the noise-
(my girls can recognize the sound of a candy wrapper being opened from miles away-not only that, they can discern whether it is a chocolate candy wrapper-or something less appealing like Swedish fish)..
and slowly I start to peel the foil down from the delightful 39 grams of chocolatey delight...all the while thinking...should I bite the top off? Eat the caramel first? Split the egg in half? Oh the choices! The wonder! The anticipation!
I ravish my chocolate as I lay back on my pillows.. sated...I go back downstairs and start the laundry.
It is the best twelve minutes of my day.
Sadly, my ritual came to a halt last night..Oh, I took care of the door...retrieved the egg...went to turn on the t.v.-but it wouldn't work! It seems that Oscar has reprogrammed all the t.v. settings to Spanish..and I could not for the life of me figure it out. Without the t.v., the wrappers would be heard...the jig would be up...my ritual has alas-ended. But, with only two days until Easter..I can wait. The kids will have their own candy-and I won't be forced to share mine. Although it was good while it lasted...
This year-in honor of the Cadbury egg, I decided to revisit and revamp an old post .I can not get over how little Sam was when I wrote this. He has since grown three feet and no longer fears the Easter bunny....
It was the night before Easter, and they were all excited. That is, everyone but Sammy.
Sammy is terrified of the Easter Bunny. This fear goes all the way back to when he was eighteen months old. It was a few weeks before Easter and we were out shopping at the mall. When (seemingly) out of nowhere, a man with a GIGANTIC paper mache bunny head jumped out in front of us. I have, to this day, NEVER heard Sammy scream so loud nor saw him move so fast. He flung himself on top of me-clinging and clawing his way up my body. If he could have, I'm sure he would have climbed back into the womb. Needless to say, he has been wary of the Easter bunny and any other large headed costumed character ever since. This bunny phobia wasn't a problem at first. We simply decided not to celebrate Easter. He was a little guy-he didn't notice, or care. But, now that I have three more children, one of whom is very aware of all that Easter can be.(.i.e. unlimited candy for the day ) I have no choice but to acknowledge it. At the same time-I had to make it acceptable for Sammy.
I tried to explain to him that I was the Easter bunny. That I bought the candy and set it out in baskets while he was sleeping. He interpreted this as meaning that I went and picked up the candy from the Easter bunny. He literally thought that I met the bunny in a prearranged location outside of the house and brought home the baskets. He believed me to be brave. This went on for years...I let it.
I always pictured it as a covert maneuver. I would go outside-at midnight, dressed(of course) in all in pastels. The night would be silent and still...I would stand in the middle of the street and pull out a candy cigarette to signal I was there.. In the distance, I hear the sound of floppy feet moving in my direction...I look up, and there under the streetlight, in all his cotton tailed glory, would be the Easter bunny. He gazes at me with his steely and unmoving pink eyes...the wind gently blowing his enormous bow-tie and the tufts of fur on his ears. This is a bunny who has seen things-he knows stuff.. He says nothing as he passes me the basket-and with a nod of the head and a flip of his tail, poof! He is gone. Only the basket in my hands and the sound of hopping in the distance, prove that he had really been there.
This year, things were different. Sammy was more nervous than usual. He startled at every noise.."Was that the Easter bunnies car?"..."He doesn't drive buddy-his feet are too big"..."I think I hear him on the roof!" "Sammy, he can't jump that high...and besides, you know that I won't let him in the house.." "Maybe he snuck in...maybe he's upstairs!!!" "No buddy-I promise he is not." Our conversation went on in this vein for a while. I felt that I had no other choice but to tell him the truth...explain it so that he could understand. I said "Sammy...can I tell you a secret?...You have to promise that you won't tell your brother or sisters.." He agreed. "Buddy, there is no Easter bunny. I buy the candy at the store, I buy the baskets, I hide it in my closet until you are asleep. Then I bring it downstairs....O.K.? Does that make you feel better?" His relief was palpable. I asked him if he was alright with this...if he wasn't a little disappointed,,that even though he was afraid, the fantasy wasn't real. He looked at me and said " It's o.k. mama, I never wanted to see that big headed freak again anyway." He rolled over and promptly went to sleep.
No matter how you celebrate-or don't..I wish you all a lovely chocolate filled Sunday....