Nourish..

~"If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you. When mountains crumble to the sea, there will still be you and me.."~Robert Plant and Jimmy Page

         

(I swear it only looks like I am choking him!)

"Let's go out tomorrow night.".."Huh?" I said.."What do you mean..you want to do something with the kids?" It had been a while since we all did something together."No-just me and you..lets go out." "What do you want to do?"..I still wasn't getting it...OUT? what does that mean? To me, "out" is leaving the house..having to actually put on shoes and possibly remember to brush my hair..out is going grocery shopping..or to the dentist or any other sort of appointment that I would much rather stay in than go to..He looked at me "The kids are old enough to stay by themselves..lets go out-just you and me." "You mean..on a date?".."Yeah-lets go out to dinner.".."Like a real dinner? At a real restaurant?.."

 We have gone out alone a few times in the past..usually to Christmas shop..or do some sort of errand that needed doing..but we haven't gone "out" for no reason other then wanting to since Oscar was a baby..and even then..it felt like a requirement..something that we were supposed to do because that's what keeps marriages strong. ..We tried!  We did.But, we just could not relax-all thoughts were on the boys.( who were not happy we were gone).."Do you think they're o.k.?  Should we call home?"-And that was before we had even left the driveway!  Back then-going out was an ordeal.. So we just stopped trying to do what other people thought that we should do and Instead we focused on this wonderful family that we have made. Preferring to be together-preferring to just..be...and truly-I've never felt like anything was missing-and I don't think that Omar has either. Sure, we have each had our "moments"..but mostly we laugh..which is easier then running away from home and say..joining the circus. 

 "Yes..I'll make reservations to someplace nice and we'll just go." "Alright.." I admit, I was a little hesitant..I haven't gone out out..you know, like to a REAL restaurant in years..I was excited too. A REAL restaurant!  With cloth napkins..salad forks!..no crayons..no basket of fries to keep kids happy..no lids on cups..cocktails! ..A place where I would be "ma'am" or "Kathleen"..or even "Hey you"..anything other than "mama.." I couldn't wait to get dressed and go..The kids were excited for us as well..it was almost as if it meant more to them than it did to us..which was a gift in and of itself. They are starting to be ready to let us go..lovely and bittersweet. We have done a great job and are about to be promoted..scary that.

So, I put on a dress that Omar had given me years ago-but I have never had a chance to wear..and with a DETAILED list of instructions(do not kill each other) and phone numbers (do not call unless there is blood)..we left. We went to an Italian Restaurant whose menu DID NOT include pizza..We had cocktails..and appetizers..a lovely dinner..I even had someone grate fresh pepper on my dish!  Do you know how long it has been since someone put something on my dish that wasn't pre-chewed? A very long time. We just talked..and laughed..eventually (the waiter really needed to clean up) leaving to get coffee and to take a walk...on our way home we stopped to get ice cream (for us!)..As we were driving home some four hours later..I looked at Omar and gasped.."We didn't talk about the kids once!" ..and almost simultaneously we said "Isn't that great?!" We laughed..and then got quiet...I guess this promotion thing goes two ways..maybe we too are ready to let go of them...just a little...lovely and bittersweet..

Omar and I celebrated twenty one years of marriage this past October. We have had wonderful times..and some horribly awful  times..we've walked through fire and have come through it changed..but we still walk together...we raise each other up, sometimes hold each other up.. he is one of the best people that I know-my partner in time. I look forward to our next night out together-and hope that it doesn't take another fourteen or so years to happen..

I HAD to add a picture of the dress!

milestones

"I hate writing, I love having written"

Dorothy Parker

I am having a hard time writing lately. It isn't as though things haven't happened. I have four kids-things are always happening! I also have the ever present electrician..so my power has been on and off-a lot. Although, thanks to him my house is now safe, and I have a dishwasher!!! So, I definitely don't lack material. Or time. In fact, since three of the herd are in school all day...I have lots of time... I think it is just too quiet. I guess I'm just used to constantly being interrupted, asked for things, attention given..the regular stuff that kids demand..usually when you have your hands full. Fact is, my kids are getting older..more self sufficient..and although I revel in this..I'm not sure what to do with myself anymore. My kids are growing up, and I don't know how I feel about that.

Omar and I recently celebrated our sixteenth anniversary..and come December, we will have been together eighteen years. Last night, not only did he surprise me with an impromptu date..he even arranged babysitting. This is the first time that we have gone out to dinner by ourselves since Sammy was six months old. (he is now eleven) That date was cut short because Sammy wouldn't stop crying and the baby sitter was overwhelmed. Until last night, I didn't realize just how much I missed it. It seems like I have forgotten how to be an independent adult. One that didn't need to cut any ones meat, or wipe their faces, or remind them to use the bathroom.




We drove off in companionable silence..the kind of silence that doesn't need to be filled..when two people are totally comfortable just being with each other. I looked over at Omar and said "Remember that night eighteen years ago on the "F" train in N.Y., and you first kissed me?...did you ever think that so many years later, we would find ourselves in rural Maine, driving down a dark highway..going on our first date in forever...leaving our FOUR kids at home with a babysitter and her boyfriend..(while silently in my head thinking..without me there to make sure everything is o.k. ..what if it is not o.k.? How could I leave them with a stranger!!??) Omar looked at me and said "I didn't think you would come out so easily".."Me? gulp... Of course I wanted to come..I know the kids are o.k." (I HOPE they are o.k...what if they need me?...) Besides, I left her with both of our cell phone numbers. (the number for poison control...911 on speed dial..everyone in our families numbers, the number for homeland security...) Your phone is on right?"




We actually had a wonderful time. We went to a local Chinese buffet-(I am on a quest to find good Chinese food in Maine..haven't found it yet) stopped off at the store, and just hung out talking. I only checked my phone thirty times or so. It never rang.





When I think back over the last eleven years, I never saw myself as ever being able to go out with Omar like this again. Parenting, to me, has always been about putting my children first. I still believe that. I guess that I just never imagined that they wouldn't need me as much as they did when they were younger. I have always said that children develop and grow at their own pace. That it didn't matter how or when they reached particular milestones..Only that they were given the support, guidance, unconditional love and acceptance to get there. When we got home, the kids were excited to see us. They had had a great time with the babysitter-and were even asking that she come back again. How cool is that? I am already looking forward to our next date night. It looks like we reached another milestone, only this time it was my own. I guess that mothers develop and grow at their own pace as well.



This month marks my one year "blogoversary". One year since I started writing about my herd and our adventures. One year of enormous change and growth for all of us. One more year in which I survived the perils of motherhood. When I decided to start writing , I was one angry...well... mother. I saw the way autism was being defined by the media, saw the way it was making victims out of parents, just because they had a child with autism. Thus, my blog was born. I wanted to show people that my family wasn't that much different from theirs. That yes, autism does affect the way in which we do things-but like everyone else..we put our pants on one leg at a time. Well, with the exception of Zoe, who doesn't really like to wear pants..or clothes for that matter. I wanted to make people laugh. There is way too much argument and controversy in the autism community. I wanted to create a positive place for people to go to.



So to all you kids who have read or commented..thank you. I have made some wonderful connections through my blog, and a few very fabulous friends. Small as it may be, I feel like I am contributing something positive....and it is a nice ego boost! Like so many others, I want to change how the world sees my kids, one post at a time.



Hopefully, in the next year, Omar and I will have more date nights, more time to spend together....alone. Maybe, just maybe, I will be able to relax enough to fully enjoy them. Until then, I will continue developing and growing..along side my kids. The adventures will continue, as will the challenges. I'm sure I'll have plenty to write about.