Nourish..

~"If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you. When mountains crumble to the sea, there will still be you and me.."~Robert Plant and Jimmy Page

         

(I swear it only looks like I am choking him!)

"Let's go out tomorrow night.".."Huh?" I said.."What do you mean..you want to do something with the kids?" It had been a while since we all did something together."No-just me and you..lets go out." "What do you want to do?"..I still wasn't getting it...OUT? what does that mean? To me, "out" is leaving the house..having to actually put on shoes and possibly remember to brush my hair..out is going grocery shopping..or to the dentist or any other sort of appointment that I would much rather stay in than go to..He looked at me "The kids are old enough to stay by themselves..lets go out-just you and me." "You mean..on a date?".."Yeah-lets go out to dinner.".."Like a real dinner? At a real restaurant?.."

 We have gone out alone a few times in the past..usually to Christmas shop..or do some sort of errand that needed doing..but we haven't gone "out" for no reason other then wanting to since Oscar was a baby..and even then..it felt like a requirement..something that we were supposed to do because that's what keeps marriages strong. ..We tried!  We did.But, we just could not relax-all thoughts were on the boys.( who were not happy we were gone).."Do you think they're o.k.?  Should we call home?"-And that was before we had even left the driveway!  Back then-going out was an ordeal.. So we just stopped trying to do what other people thought that we should do and Instead we focused on this wonderful family that we have made. Preferring to be together-preferring to just..be...and truly-I've never felt like anything was missing-and I don't think that Omar has either. Sure, we have each had our "moments"..but mostly we laugh..which is easier then running away from home and say..joining the circus. 

 "Yes..I'll make reservations to someplace nice and we'll just go." "Alright.." I admit, I was a little hesitant..I haven't gone out out..you know, like to a REAL restaurant in years..I was excited too. A REAL restaurant!  With cloth napkins..salad forks!..no crayons..no basket of fries to keep kids happy..no lids on cups..cocktails! ..A place where I would be "ma'am" or "Kathleen"..or even "Hey you"..anything other than "mama.." I couldn't wait to get dressed and go..The kids were excited for us as well..it was almost as if it meant more to them than it did to us..which was a gift in and of itself. They are starting to be ready to let us go..lovely and bittersweet. We have done a great job and are about to be promoted..scary that.

So, I put on a dress that Omar had given me years ago-but I have never had a chance to wear..and with a DETAILED list of instructions(do not kill each other) and phone numbers (do not call unless there is blood)..we left. We went to an Italian Restaurant whose menu DID NOT include pizza..We had cocktails..and appetizers..a lovely dinner..I even had someone grate fresh pepper on my dish!  Do you know how long it has been since someone put something on my dish that wasn't pre-chewed? A very long time. We just talked..and laughed..eventually (the waiter really needed to clean up) leaving to get coffee and to take a walk...on our way home we stopped to get ice cream (for us!)..As we were driving home some four hours later..I looked at Omar and gasped.."We didn't talk about the kids once!" ..and almost simultaneously we said "Isn't that great?!" We laughed..and then got quiet...I guess this promotion thing goes two ways..maybe we too are ready to let go of them...just a little...lovely and bittersweet..

Omar and I celebrated twenty one years of marriage this past October. We have had wonderful times..and some horribly awful  times..we've walked through fire and have come through it changed..but we still walk together...we raise each other up, sometimes hold each other up.. he is one of the best people that I know-my partner in time. I look forward to our next night out together-and hope that it doesn't take another fourteen or so years to happen..

I HAD to add a picture of the dress!

procrastination makes a house a home

This month marks the fourth year that we have lived in this house. This is the longest I have lived anywhere in thirty years. I can't help it. I have itchy feet...I love to move, to start over, I crave change. Having four kids has put a bit of a damper on all of that. Especially when those kids abhor change of any kind. If it were up to them, we would live in this house forever. Until the end of time. Unfortunately or fortunately, depending on how you look at it..the middle school and high school in this town are not very good. As this is Sammy's last year of elementary school..it appears that we will be moving next summer. That is if we can sell our house.


My house is a pretty New Englander from the outside. On the inside is a very different story. It was built in 1881, we are the third set of owners to inhabit it. Unfortunately, the last owner decided to "remodel" the inside of the house. Who knew there was such a style as "70's Slaughter House" Beautiful tin ceilings covered with drop down panels...and not just any old panels-asbestos panels..with the added allure of Styrofoam faux beams. Not only that-these lovely nine foot ceilings were dropped down to five and a half feet. With yards of electrical wires thrown lovingly behind them-live of course. All of the walls were dramatically covered with brown paneling, and a lovely matching wall to wall carpet covered the entire first floor-kitchen and bath included! Add the marbelesque red vinyl counter tops, and you have the house that crazy decorated.


We have done much to restore it to its original beauty. We did tear out the kitchen-much to Sammy's horror. He thought it was lovely-to which I responded "I saved it all for you in the garage..you can have it for your own home one day" Sadly, this made him happy. We removed the carpeting, and painted the paneling..we restored the tin ceilings..and then we just stopped.


Sigh...this always happens. We start off with the best intentions. We see the potential, and can't wait to get started. We plan and scheme, design and dream. We are avid do it yourselfers. Only because we can't afford to have anyone else do it. Otherwise we would be avid contractor hirers.



We have this strange pattern that we follow. We buy a cheap old house (this is our third) with the idea that we will fix it up, sell it, and make enough of a profit to buy a nice house that doesn't need any work. Doesn't seem to be working for us. Not at all.



Every year, Omar gets three weeks worth of vacation time. Every year we plan out each week in great detail. What projects we are going to undertake, what supplies are needed, what we plan to accomplish each day.This happens to have been one of those weeks.



We planned to finally fix the roof, look for an electrician, repaint the dining room and kitchen, install a dishwasher, and make plans for a second bathroom. So far we have had weekend guests, gone to the zoo, an amusement park, the beach, and played in the pool. It is Friday and Omar goes back to work on Monday. Oh well, he does have one more week in October.



I guess it is just a matter of priorities, or procrastination...or a little of both. Right now, our kids need us more. And really, what would you rather do-paint walls or be attacked by goats at the zoo? Yes, I did sustain a minor goat injury at the petting zoo-but that's a story for another day.

The point is, our kids don't notice all the work that needs to be done. Right now, a second bathroom isn't as important to them as spending time with us as a family. I certainly can't complain-I'm just happy that everyone finally uses the bathroom! To them, just being together-laughing, playing, enjoying each others company is what makes our house-home. Regardless of the ugly paneling.



I don't know what adolescence is going to bring, or what the future holds for any of our kids. I do know this-all that we have is this one moment-this brief slice of time...and I'm going to make the most of it. Relish every second. .. leaky roof and all! Because in this one moment-my kids know that they are loved-unconditionally-without question. They know they are home.



Omar and I will get it together as we always do. This is the way it always plays out. We finally finish the house-just in time to sell it. Never really having a chance to enjoy it in all its glory. That's o.k., because as long as we're together we'll always be home.



The other night, I found Omar hanging a toilet paper roll. Something that has needed to be done since we moved in. I laughed and said "I guess we are really going to be moving" he just looked at me-knowingly and said "I guess so". I can't wait!