Seeing IS believing and therein lies the problem...sometimes.

“Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.”~William James~

  I think that I have sat down to write at least fifteen times in the past two weeks.  I turn on my lap-top..log in to my site..and just sit there staring at the screen.  I have plenty of things I could write about-so many ideas. I just seem to be having a problem getting them out of my head. I think that a lot of it has to do with school starting this week. There have just been so many meetings and phone calls, doctor appointments and shopping trips. There have been freak outs and crying fits, arguments and tantrums. And my kids-they have been stressed out as well.


  Getting four kids ready for school takes monumental effort, nerves of steel and gallons of coffee. There are I.E.P.'s that need to be gone over, school supplies to be bought and the most dreaded thing of all-clothes shopping.  I HATE clothes shopping..dread it..loathe it..I would rather chew on tin foil than do it.  Everyone else with the exception of Oscar, loves it.  And therein lies the problem.  When Oscar finds himself in a situation that is stressful or boring, he finds interesting ways to entertain himself.  Sometimes it's stimming..and other times..well, he likes to yell things out..usually inappropriate things..because deep down, he KNOWS he's funny.  We do try to work with him on this stuff-we do. And my boy he really really works hard on this.  I know that I spoke a few weeks ago about this and at the time, I had thought we had  made some progress.  You know, I can't say that we didn't-because Oscar has been trying.  He waits now until we are in the car before yelling things out.  It has made our car rides quite interesting to say the least. 


Sammy"-Mama?  Are we almost home?"
Me-"We should be there in about twenty minutes.."
Lily-"Can we swim when we get home?"
Zoe-"I want to swim"
Me-"sure"
Oscar "POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! POOOOOOOOP!  It's stiiiiinky HAHAHAHAHA! POOOOOOP...Want to see my nipples? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Lovely lovely lovely ...LOVELY NIPPLES!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
Me-Oscar do you want to go swimming?"
Oscar-"Yeah...can I have a snack first?"


  It's almost as if he has to get it all out of his system before he can concentrate on doing anything else. And that is absolutely fine. I can't have him yelling these things out in school or stores if he can help it. So if doing it in the car or at home helps him-so be it. People judge him enough as it is without adding anything else to the mix.  I think that is what bothers me the most. Oscar really struggles with pragmatic language..conversations ideas..thoughts, are hard for him to express. This in no way means he is incapable of them. Unfortunately, people see his stimming or grimacing and dismiss him. Or even worse, say things like "I'm afraid of him."  Yup, someone said that to me recently after Oscar loudly proclaimed he was frustrated and slammed his hands down on a table. He had been asked to do something that involved fine motor skills and he was having a problem with it.  I'm thrilled that he expressed is frustration..but not so thrilled with the "afraid" comment. That hurt...like a knife through my heart.  I wanted to say "What the hell do you think he was going to do? He expressed himself! Do you not see what an achievement that is? He was upset and let you know it! "  Instead, I let it go and spoke about how amazing a kid he is-about how the world is so very hard for him..and yet he doesn't give up..and that I wished people saw THAT instead of judging him on his behavior. 


  I think that this is my biggest worry with Oscar. He is so very bright-but his stimming and struggle with expressive language sometimes cause people  not to expect too much from him. That is a big mistake and it does my boy a great disservice. He is quite capable-he just shows it differently. All anyone really has to do is look.


 I had all four of them with me as we went shopping for clothes at "Old Navy" last week. They all know that when we are out,  I expect the BEST behavior. I keep them on a tight rein in order to get what we need done in the fastest possible way. We get in, we get out and we go home.  That way, no one is too overwhelmed(especially me). So there I am at the register checking out when I hear Sammy saying (in a very loud whisper) "Oscar! Stop doing that..it isn't polite!" I didn't  even turn around. I thought..I can't hear Oscar saying anything and Sammy..well, he's at that age where EVERYTHING embarrasses him. I chose to ignore it. Sammy wouldn't let me though. "mama?...MAMA!" I said "Sammy leave him alone..he isn't doing anything.."But...MAMA!"  SIGH! " Sammy..." I happened to glance at the cashier ..she had a very odd expression on her face..Crap.. I turned around and there is Oscar...his arms wrapped around one of the mannequins...rubbing his face  between her pointy plastic breasts.. all the while laughing and saying "She's my giiiiiirlfriend Sammy!  Her name is Suzy!" while patting her bottom with his hands. Unfortunately... sigh... I burst out laughing...as did the cashier...the floor manager..and anyone else in the vicinity.(absolutely mortifying Sammy)  I said "Oscar, could you please STOP doing that?" He looked at me laughing and said "But she's my girlfriend! Her name is Suzy!"  "OSCAR! Please put Suzy down...she is too old for you.." "Ohhh...alright..." He gently put her down saying "Goodbye Suzy."   I grabbed our bags and out we went  .. In the car, after consoling my horrified Sammy...I told Oscar that he really couldn't do that in stores, that mannequins were for looking not touching.. Oscar said "I was just  making everyone happy..I'm funny."  "It wasn't funny to me" cried Sammy "He was saying she was his girlfriend!  Oscar! Mannequins can not be girlfriends!"  "Sammy...bud...Oscar knows that..no one in the store thought he really believed that..he was just making a joke.." "Well I didn't think it was funny!" "Well it isn't always about what you think Sammy!"  sigh...I really don't like shopping...

  School started Thursday for my three oldest.  Zoe starts her program on Tuesday. For the first time in twelve years, I will actually have a few hours every day to call my own.  I don't think that I need to mention how very exciting this is for me. I worry though...this is a hard year for some of them.  Sammy has started middle school (so far so good) and Oscar fourth grade.  There is a lot expected of both of them-especially Oscar. My worry is that he will be dismissed..that his outward behavior, the way he communicates..the way he moves..his sense of humor...sigh...I worry that this is all that people will see. That they won't challenge him..that when he becomes frustrated..they won't try to work around it..opting instead to lower their expectations. He is a great kid-and much smarter than people think. All anyone has to do is take the time and look. And if you won't take my word for it.. Just ask "Suzy"...