Saturday, November 13, 2010

Ramblings of an overwhelmed mother who used to be a daughter....

"...All Cats are grey in in the dark"~John Heywood's  Book of Proverbs. (1546)
 





      You know I try and keep a positive attitude..try and find the good in every situation. We all have days when seemingly everything goes wrong..when no matter what you do-nothing goes according to plan .I have always thought that when life hands you lemons, you  make lemonade..or as T and L say- you get yourself  some tequila and salt and have yourself a party.  So I try-really I do.  But this past month or so..It just seems as though the weight of the world has been on my shoulders and no amount of tequila is going to help my spinning head.

  Anyone following me knows about my recent IEP woes..and my ongoing construction and my lack of a decent bathroom..Add to it-my car dying, my dogs getting fleas, Oscar discovering that bodily function jokes are a RIOT,  and all the kids getting a stomach bug- culminating with my daughter throwing up on my head-yes, my head! Let me tell you, it isn't a fashion statement I would recommend...All I wanted to do was jump back and yell "ick!ick! ick!" but I couldn't..because I'm the mom. I wanted to make her feel better..and really... what's a little vomit between family?..It was certainly a bonding moment-and I'm not talking about me and my daughter.  Sigh...sometimes it is hard to be the adult..sometimes I want to be a kid...sometimes I want MY mother...

  Last month marked the twenty third anniversary of my moms death.  She has been gone for half of my life...and yet her influence remains.  Sometimes I wonder what she would think of me now...of this life I have carved out for myself... She had a roaring sense of humor, but being a DEVOUT Irish Catholic, felt terribly guilty about it.   What would she think of my kids yelling out various words at the top of their lungs..usually having to do with the more private of the body parts?..My mother didn't have body parts..well with the exception of a chin up and ankles down.  Everything else was kept locked away somewhere...her closet I think. To her sex was for procreation NOT recreation.. She was an enigma.. an interesting mix of faith, intellect and humor..and I think she would have enjoyed what I have become.  I know she would have laughed to see me this way-her independent and strong willed daughter being brought low by fleas and inadequate plumbing. I think that she would have laughed with the kids..and would have put my current woes in perspective.   She would say "Stiff upper lip"... "Up Kerry!"..or some other odd thing, telling me to suck it up..move along..be strong..  My mom was not fond of big emotion.  It's crazy, but there are times that I can still hear her voice in my head ... After all these years..she still guides me.  Which makes me wonder what kind of impact do I have with my own kids...what will they remember?  That's just plain scary..

  Will they look back and remember a woman who yelled too much, misplaced everything, and threatened them with showing up at school in her pajamas?  A woman who overcompensated for her sheltered upbringing by being so explicit in teaching "the facts of life"( along with charts, diagrams and song)s that we all wanted to just sink into the floor? Will they still hear my voice?  What will it say?.  It certainly won't be "keep a stiff upper lip"..What is a stiff upper lip anyway?  Has anyone ever tried to keep one? It is an odd thing to try to do..and still, I don't know how it helps...unless it is to take your mind off of things because you are concentrating on keeping your upper lip..well...stiff. But that is besides the point.  My mother was so neat..and I'm just so messy.  

    Last night, I was lying on my bed pondering the past few weeks... The car problem is fixed, the fleas are dead, the IEP's dealt with, construction almost complete and a bathroom is on the horizon. The herd is once again healthy!   Things are looking up as they always do. Sometimes though, I need to just take a moment to  let it all go. So there I was- relaxing...when I felt my cat on my legs. Now, this isn't unusual.. he likes to hang out with me-especially when the kids aren't around.  The thing is..he was moving around too much....and after a long day of holding kids(or rather being hung on by kids)-I wanted a little of my own space. So I looked down-about to tell him to move off of me...when I realized...he was humping my leg.  My cat was humping my leg...with reckless abandon!. EEK!   In my shock (and horror) forgetting that my children were awake and could hear everything..I yelled "Holy crap the cat is humping my leg!!" sigh... My children being who they are...well, I know it is only a matter of time before they repeat that....probably at some inopportune moment..like anywhere other than home...  I just hope it doesn't stick....that these aren't the words they remember me by..that it isn't one of the phrases they hear in their heads as adults....sigh...stiff upper lip...

15 comments:

Papa Bear said...

Just when your post was moving from self pity to melancholy sentimentality to gooey optimism, "Holy crap the cat is humping my leg!!" Made my day.

Some days you can either laugh or cry. I've adopted the attitude that if someday we'll look back on this and laugh, why not laugh now? People may think we're strange, but they probably think that anyway. When life seems unbelievably perverse, one of us will say, "Lovely, lovely, lovely _______!" We don't have to finish the sentence. Or "Poop! It's stinky!" or, "Suzy is my girlfriend!" Your blog keeps us laughing instead of crying. I don't know how your kids will remember you, but you bring our family joy and laughter.

Big Daddy Autism said...

That's a great tribute to your mom. Sounds to me that, although different, you too are raising your kids the best you know how and, hopefully, they will look back on their childhood and chuckle at the things you did and said. In the meantime, you need to post some of Oscar's bodily function jokes. That boy is a riot.

bbsmum said...

Just as I was getting choked up remembering my own lovely mother you made me laugh out loud. And I love the fact that your label list ends with "crazed mothers humping cats". Is that even legal? What would your mother say?

Jean said...

You make me laugh so damn much!!! hey, frisky cat!! XXX

KWombles said...

:-) Gives a new twist to the Kicking Kittens blog, so you should really put this over there!

You made me cry and laugh; the best kind of post of all.

Angela said...

Your mother would see you as the amazing mother as you!

and eww gross I do not need the visial of you being humped by a cat thank you very much. LOL

Stephanie said...

I'm not British (with which I, perhaps falsely, associate that phrase), but I always thought a stiff upper lip indicate a show of non-emotion. No smile for happiness, no frown for disapproval, just a stiff upper lip and emotive eyes. Perhaps I'm taking it too literally?

But, considering the humor with which you take both the joyful and the painful, I can see how (if my interpretation is at all accurate) a stiff upper lip would be difficult amongst your lovely herd!

(Been there with the vomit, though more on my face than on my head. It is so hard being the mom in that situation!)

Laura said...

So, I happen to think it's great if they remember you saying "Holy crap the cat is humping my leg!" That's awesome, and funny, and something that will likely make them giggle for many years to come.

And I've BTDT with the vomit to, only I have two different ones. One, was right after feeding Coleman as a baby, I was holding him up and looking at him and he vomited in my mouth. (EW!).. The other was just as we were getting settled in our seats for a flight to Buffalo for my brother's wedding. I was handing Julia over to Dickson so I could get something and she threw up down my shirt. So I got to fly to Buffalo reeking of vomit. :-)

You're not alone, Missy. And thanks for the giggle.

Looking for Blue Sky said...

I am British, but not very, and I'd say 'a stiff upper lip' means 'keep calm and carry on' and also not emoting all over the place, which I do all the time.

Never had the cat problem tho'. Does it need a girlfriend?

@jencull (jen) said...

hehehe at the cat :D I am glad things are picking up though.

Oh, and your Mum being a devout Irish Catholic with a roaring sense of humour, well that explains why I find you so hilarious, you have an Irish sense of humour :D

Jen

kathleen said...

@ papabear-What a lovely compliment-thanks. :)
@big daddy-Thanks...there is an Oscar post coming up soon. :)

@bbsmum-haha..my mom would have been mortified-"can't procreate with a cat! But then she would have laughed...and then she would have felt guilty for laughing :)

@jean-that is a wonderful compliment coming from someone who makes me laugh. :)

@kim-Thanks:) perhaps "humping kittens"? ;0

@Angela-haha..yeah..it is an interesting picture..if you could have only seen it..heehee

@Stephanie-I think you are right in your definition..but my literal thinking comes into play..how does one get a stiff upper lip? It is kind of impossible..sigh..vomit is just no fun is it? :)

@Jen-heehee well now I know..;0

@Laura-yeah, I think it would be pretty funny thing to remember as well..sigh..have done the vomit down the shirt..but in the mouth??!!! ick ick ick! Though it did make me laugh..:)

@looking for bluesky-Yeah..I'm big on emoting too. :) Poor Joe-he's neutered! Which makes me question why he was attracted to me in the first place..what is it about me that screams "hump"!! to a neutered cat? ;0

Anonymous said...

Up Kerry! :) Love, Ei

K- floortime lite mama said...

Kathleen lovely charming Kathleen
Never change

kathleen said...

Hi Eileen..yup "Up Kerry"..I always thought "why" and "what did she ever do?"

Ho K-floortime-thanks..that is a lovely compliment made lovlier coming from you..:)

Sarah said...

I love this post. I wish I had more time to read through all your archives but I'm having a great time with what I've read so far.