Unexpected potato

~"Since we can not change reality, let us change the eyes that see reality."~Nikos Kazantzakis

                        "How was your first day bud?"..."Great! I had a potato!"..."You...had a potato?" "Yeah it was good."  Well..THAT certainly wasn't what I had expected to hear. but it was wonderful..no, more than wonderful..it was all that I needed to hear and then some.  My boy, he is taking off..moving forward..and he likes it. 

  After a summer of absolutely no expectations..  June, July, August were lovely....we..swam, fished, camped- did what we felt like doing-when we felt like doing it. It was calm- wonderful. September felt like a shock....  We went from relaxed and easy to absolute chaos in less than a week.   Lots of change going on.. split second decisions being made.

 Lily started at a new school this year. Sixth grade had been rough for her.  Socially, emotionally..it was all too much. She was just eleven years old, and was suddenly sharing a building with kids in their late teens.  My joyful girl had lost her zest..her joy. She was bored and anxious..sad and very very lonely.Luckily, we were able to get her in to a charter school. At the end of august, we went as a family to her orientation. This was a big deal-we wanted to support her. We visited the school, met the teachers, listened to the head of school explain how they did school. We were impressed....and so was Sam. "I think that I would like it here." "Really? (I tried not to sound too excited-change is hard for him..I didn't want to scare him off.)" "Yes, it seems more creative than my school.".."Well..it is very different  ...if you'd like, I will put your name on the waiting list..?" "o.k.".."Are you SURE??"
"Yes, yes I am.."..Except he wasn't..

  The school does have a waiting list. I placed Sam on it thinking that maybe he would be able to get in next year-only to find out that they had an opening now.   "Hey Sam!  Great news!  The school has a space for you!" 

The following is a transcript of the next forty eight hours

 "..Oh..uuhhh...now?" "Yes!  you can start next week!".."..Oh..uhhh..I don't know..." "What do you mean?"  "I'm not sure.."But you like the new school! You were impressed about how creative it is!" "I am..it's just..maybe I should try one more year here."  "Why?"..."I don't know.."   Wash, Rinse, Repeat, Repeat, Repeat.....

 I admit-I did try and strongly  coerce convince him...but in the end-we had to leave the decision up to him.  It had to be his choice.  My fear was that he was sticking with what he knew because it felt safer.  But at the same time-we knew he wasn't happy .  This is where living in a tiny town gets tricky. Our schools are small. Sam is different. So he is treated that way. He is well liked-but he isn't well known..He was a special ed kid in grade school...thus his reputation was sealed. He couldn't just be a regular kid. His accomplishments, his academics..basketball...everything that he did or does-whether it be making the honor roll, scoring a basket or even GASP! going for his learners permit to drive..it is all viewed through special ed lenses.  I'm not complaining..I'm not. Our tiny town has embraced him.. It is just that the label that got him help-has wound up hindering him as well.  In a town this small-he'll never be able to shake it.   It has been incredibly frustrating-more so for my boy than for anyone else. Sam is a regular young man..he has ideas, and dreams, feelings-goals that have nothing to do with his diagnosis. He deserves the opportunity to fail or succeed without his diagnosis being a constant part of the equation.

  I was so disappointed when he told me that he had decided that he wanted to stay at his old school. *sigh*  So, on the first day..as he was gathering up his back pack and lunch to go wait for the bus, Lily with a look of absolute horror exclaimed (rather loudly).."You really want to stay here??!!! Are you crazy?!"   I guess that was the voice Sam needed to hear.. because he dropped his back pack, kicked off his shoes and said.."I've made up my mind-I'm going to the new school." (hallelujah!)  "Are you sure?" I asked...trying not to let my voice quiver with excitement.."Yes."...and that was that..

  He has been going for three weeks now and the transformation has been amazing. Sam, is naturally a loner-he enjoys his own company...but, for the first time in eleven years-he isn't alone. He has a group of friends, he sword fights at lunch..he is part of a design team..He WANTS to join some clubs..He-all of him- is valued...but more importantly-he sees that he is valued-for who he is-on his own merit. That is everything...well, that and...

                                                           He ate a potato! 

 You have to understand-For the past seven years, Sam has eaten the same exact thing for lunch. Every single day. Nothing different.  Food is a delicate topic with all of my kids..textures-smells...shapes..it all matters to them.  While Sam has gotten much better at trying different foods...it can still be a bit of an issue... So for him to happily get off of the bus-(on his first day at a new school)..and the first thing out of his mouth is about a new food that he ate-and liked?  It feels like hitting the jack pot. 

  I worry so much about this parenting thing..Sometimes it feels(and I am sure that I am not alone in this) like I make more mistakes than anything else.  But this time...my son started at a brand new school-by choice, he's made real friends-AND he ate a potato. It that isn't success-I don't know what is..  


  

The shape of things to come..

        ~"And you, of the tender years can't know the fears

            that your elders grew by

           And so please help them with your youth, 

           they seek the truth before they can die."~ Graham Nash

         

     So..spring seems to be FINALLY showing itself in our little town...the snow has finally melted, the birds are singing...there have even been a few sightings of the reclusive (at least for most of the very long winter in Maine) very pale legs-in shorts (even though it's forty degrees)...But the most definite sign for me is...that we have IEP meetings.   I'm up to four a year now,,which is my limit..unless of course one of my chickens happens to need services..Which you know?...At this point, I would not be surprised.

 I have to admit-I'm over it. I just don't feel like doing them anymore. Of course that doesn't keep me from going..But really-it's basically the same thing every year-for every kid..You go in with a specific set of things that you want for your child-a.k.a.-everything possible, and in return, you are given things that are deemed necessary for your child's education. Some times it's very little-and sometimes it is a whole lot. I wish that IEP meetings were held in bars.."I'll take a whiskey and forty five minutes of speech therapy" 

  This year was tough. I have had to come to terms with some things that are hard to explain. 
                                    "Will he be able to get a diploma?"
                                     "I don't think so-probably not."

 Yeah..This shouldn't be a shock...but it is. It shouldn't hurt...but it does. It isn't really about a diploma..it isn't really about graduating...Honestly?  I don't much care. I don't worry about him-HE is great. The world however is a different story..It frightens me. I feel like the only thing we can do is to build him up..make him strong in who he is so that no one or no thing ever diminishes his light. That would be a tragedy. 

                                 "I have to die one day-unfortunately, it's inevitable."

 I have made that statement at least once a year in different IEP meetings for the past thirteen years. It is the truth and it is what drives me, I am going to die. I think that every parent worries about this at one time or another-for different reasons. I think about it a lot. Not in a morbid or creepy way-just...realistically.  I recently took a job for that very reason. All of my kids need to learn to be more independent,,and sure, I've heard "I liked when you stayed at home!" and "Why don't you call in sick?!" But I can't always listen to my subconscious. We all have to do things that are hard, like selling hemorrhoid creams and personal hygiene products.   My kids are fending for themselves a couple of hours a day..and it's a good thing. I'm not always going to be there to do their laundry or make lunches and cook dinner...hopefully it will be because I'm living in the South of France with Omar..and not because I'm dead...which I'm going to be one day (see?! I worry about this a lot) I think that they are enjoying this sense of freedom/independence..They are finding out that they are more capable than they knew. Mostly. We are having a few issues with "Who gets to be in charge"..and taking the time to read the list of chores that I have left them..but they are getting there..slowly. 

  So, I made it through another year of IEP's. We are getting what we think is necessary (services wise) for the kids. I'm lucky in that I have some very good people supporting them. There are things we need to work on..lots of things for me to worry about (besides my mortality) But I have hope..and humor and joy...and really great kids...and chickens that require nothing....so far.

Literally...

~“I don't like my shoes,' said Rose.

'I'm wearing my shoes and you don't see me complain.'

'You only hear a person complain,' said Rose. 'Not see.'

How has Rose lived for seventeen years and no one has killed her, not once?”

 ~Franny Billinglsy~Chime

 

  My daughter was standing in front of the mirror, pulling on her cheeks, when she asked "Mama? is my mouth too big?"  "What?"..."Is my mouth too big?"..."No.".."Well. I think it is.".

 It wasn't the first time that I'd heard this question. It wasn't the first time that I have caught her stretching her lips, pulling on her cheeks..and it wasn't the first time that I had asked her- "Why do you think your mouth is too big?"  "I just do."

 At first, I had thought that maybe it has something to do with growing up.  She does have an older sister who is starting to take some major steps away from little girlhood...worrying about growing up, worrying about fitting in...worrying about *sigh* everything.  So, I thought that maybe her sisters worrying was possibly rubbing off on her. Girls do seem to go through some weird stuff-especially when it comes to appearance.

So, this time, I indulged her.  "Really?..hmmm...o.k., lets take a look...so I  scrutinize her lovely face..tilting it left and then right, up and down, asking her to step closer to the light, then away from the light..turn to the side..tilt your head all the way back....I even thought about getting a tape measure. "Honey, I said..you are perfect and beautiful..I see nothing wrong with the size of your mouth..it fits your face beautifully.".."No, it's big."..exasperated I said "Baby girl! What in the world is making you think that you have a big.." and then it hit me..like a load of bricks to the head...my girl is a literal thinker..HOW could I not have realized this?  Me!- the woman who still wakes up at night relieved that she didn't answer her second grade teacher with "Don't all watches have two hands?" when said teacher asked if anyone's watch had a second hand...ME!- who thought "Euthanasia" meant-YOUTH in Asia...and Guerrilla warfare? Honestly-I once pondered   "How do they train gorilla's to fight?   How could I have not recognized this?!   

"Zoe?..honey?..Did someone tell you that you had a big mouth?: . "Well, remember that time when I was fighting with Lily......?" 

 For the record-there hasn't been much time in the past six months where they haven't been fighting. Each of them are incredibly sensitive lately-only not at the same time...which has just been so much fun-a regular barrel of laughs, a hoot if you will...Oh 2014...What a year it has been! What a time we have had!..(I've been thinking of having that put on a tee shirt or mug) I have have reached out to the U.N. peacekeeping forces-but have yet to hear back. fingers crossed! 

"Well...I'm not sure which fight you're referring to...but go on.."
"She yelled at me!"
"How unusual!"
"Wait...How is that unusual?"
"I was being sarcastic."
"Oh."
"So...what happened?"
"Oh..well Lily yelled at me and said that I had a big mouth!"
"Honey...that is just a "saying"..it doesn't really mean that your mouth-your physical mouth is big."
"Then why did she say it."
"When someone accuses someone of having a "big mouth" it means that they talk too much."
"But I don't talk too much."
"I know."
"Then why did she say it?"
"Because she was mad at you and that is the first thing that flew out of her mouth."
"Wait....something flew out of her mouth?"
"WORDS."
"Words don't fly."

At this point..my shoulders are up by my ears..I'm almost afraid to say anything else..

"O.K.-Lily said something in the heat of the..ummm..she was angry and yelled without thinking. You do that too.  I really wish that you would both stop. Your mouth is not big. O.K.?"
"O.K.'...and off she ran.....to go tell her sister......and then...

"MAMA!"
 "Yes Lily?"
"Zoe said.........
*sigh*

  There is only a week and a half until school starts up again. 

Swinging..

   

~"The outward man is the swinging door; the inner man is still the hinge."~Meister Eckhart

     
    

 So, Summer is going the way Summer usually goes...mostly lazy days with a summer rec program sandwiched in the middle. Now that the kids are older, it is easier to spend more alone time with each of them. The boys and I have taken to walking most nights-exploring the different areas in town. Part designated route and part adventure. We walk down to the river and then over to the playground taking mostly different routes in between. The playground is always our final destination before returning home. Our last stop- with the wonderful swings.  We save that for last because by the time we get there, it is dusk and we don't want anyone else to be there. I mean really-swings! Who wants to have to wait for a turn?  Besides it would look kind of weird if we had to stand around ( a 50 year old woman and her 2 very tall sons) waiting for a five year old to hurry and finish. We also like the quiet-ending our evenings in the air. The three of us in our own heads swinging at our own paces. I think that it helps us all sort out the day or anything else that might be rolling around in our brains.

  There is a lot going on for all of us right now.  Sam is at an age where he is just filled with longing. He is such a good kid.  So genuine and open-no angsty teen boy attitude. He doesn't grunt!  He actually talks to me! Real conversation!   He is so ready to leave home and start...living?  He feels like this town is too small and that there is no longer a place for him here. He wants to DO things-and he wants friends.  He just doesn't feel any special connection with any of his school "friends".  It isn't that he feels left out-but more like he can't find interest in the things they are interested in. He's chomping at the bit-and I'm trying to keep him steady...Trying to convince him that you spend more time being an adult than a teenager...that he WILL find his tribe..I'm hoping that with all the changes going on in our lives (running a restaurant) we can get him into some classes and activities away from school. Fingers crossed that this year will be better...

  Oscar is all about going to camp this Summer. In his own words he "Wants to make friends and have my own adventures!" Next to Lily-Oscar is my most social kid. Language and processing difficulties and all. He so wants to participate in things-but, his disabilities exclude him.They shouldn't-but they do. He's a smart kid-he knows so much more-SEES so much more than many people give him credit for. He has these moments of verbal clarity-of precise thinking that just floor me.He also has a deep sadness. He knows that he is different-and while he is confident in who he is-he feels left out-alone. The other day, he was going down a hallway ahead of me...he passed two young men-(perhaps two years older than him) he was walking the way that he walks...flapping his hands at his sides..intent on going where he needed to be...Right after he passed the guys..they turned to each other and smirked..a kind of "get a load of that character" kind of look..until they noticed me. Yeah-they didn't expect me there.. I just looked at them-said nothing..just stared. Causing an instant look of almost shame.. (as it should)..and I walked on. What I wanted to do-and did in fact do later (in my mind) was smack them in the head..tell them that they were dumb-asses..tell them that my Oscar-my son- had more dignity-more character-more humanity-more confidence alone- than the two of them could ever hope to have combined. So, while I quietly agonize over these slights..agonize over his future and the world he will one day be an adult in...he remains persistent, confident and sure in himself.. He walks tall. I really hope that his week at camp is everything that he wishes it to be and then some.

 As for me-I swing with my worries-and I worry about everything..my boys,my girls..Omar..will our house ever be done?..My chickens and sadly...my strapless bra. Have you ever tried to wear one of these things? Holy crap! I wear a lot of tank tops-some with "Y" backs-and I loathe the whole let your bra straps hang out look.. I figured I would try one of these strapless numbers. I don't know if I'm inept?  Somehow wearing it wrong...I put it on and it fits correctly-as long as I stay home.Really-I can do anything in it.  Kind of like the "Hair club for men" commercial (only with a bra instead of hair)..I can run..jump-swim even!..you name it-and it stays in place.  But the minute I have to go anywhere-especially if there are people-slippage ensues..I don't know why it happens!  I get out of the car-everything is where it belongs- and then I start walking (usually towards a group of people) and ever so slowly it starts sliding down my rib cage..at the same time turning around. Now, I am not complaining mind you-but, I am not what you would call "full figured"..in fact, I'm quite a bit less than full...so, my upper undergarments are slightly endowed...o.k.-they are padded! So...when this strapless band of preformed breasts slips and turns...I either look like my head is on backwards OR that I have started growing breasts on my lower back. It's downright unsettling! The only thing I could think of to do (besides duct tape) is to walk with my upper arms pressed firmly to my sides-while my lower arms swing up and down. My upper arms slow down the sliding and the movement  of my lower arms push it up in place. It also helps if I sashay my hips-it helps with the upward pushing momentum. This would all be fine and good if I didn't look like a woman whose laxative had just kicked in. It's even worse if I am just standing and chatting with someone and only one side slides down!  Then I oh so casually(so the other person doesn't notice) have to do an almost side bend while trying to (again casually) thrust one shoulder repeatedly in an attempt to get "things" back in proper position.  It's like playing with one of those party favors.  You know the plastic disc with the silver balls that you have to maneuver into the tiny holes. It's a delicate operation!. Oh such worries.

  As you can probably tell-these nightly walks with my boys are necessary for all of our mental well beings. I am finding great solace in my swinging..This summer, it seems to be all that I need...as long as I'm wearing the proper support.     

  

One year...and today..

~ "let me be something every minute of every hour of my life. Let me be gay; let me be sad. Let me be cold; let me be warm. Let me be hungry...have too much to eat. Let me be ragged or well dressed. Let me be sincere - be deceitful. Let me be truthful; let me be a liar. Let me be honorable and let me sin. Only let me be something every blessed minute. And when I sleep, let me dream all the time so that not one little piece of living is ever lost.”`Betty Smith~A Tree Grows in Brooklyn

 Summer vacation is not like it used to be..or at least not like I remember it.  When it seemed like there was an endless stretch of days- possibility ahead of me...First thing in the morning I would be out the door riding my bike..running in the woods..an eternity spent outside outside playing "red light green light" or "ring and run"  until the street lights came on- which everyone knows is  the universal signal that it was time to go home. It was a rare day that was spent inside-as most of us had mothers admonishing us to  "GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY!!" The days were warm, but I don't remember being bothered by it-except maybe at night..when all we had were window fans blowing in hot air. So much has changed since then. At least for me. Summer still means endless days..only they aren't as carefree as they used to be

  I suppose that some of it has to do with being an adult-and some with how the times have changed.  Now days, kids have play dates and organized activities..Wii, Nintendo, and more television stations than I can count. When I was growing up we had four television stations (Omar had one) ..and they rarely-if ever, played kids shows. So-we had no choice but to learn how entertain ourselves. My problem now- has been in teaching my kids how to entertain themselves. Especially with all the fun technology and gadgets...which- in the early years- I embraced with wide open arms. It saved my life-and that is in all seriousness.

  Yes, there were many days that I had shamelessly allowed my children to sit in front of the television-or the computer screen...sometimes for hours. I admit it.  For years the background soundtrack of my life/ house were the theme songs from every obnoxious childrens program my kids were obsessed with. The thing is-the kids-especially the boys  gained a lot of knowledge from these shows..I remember when Sam was the only one in third grade to know what "haggis" was-thanks Scooby Doo! They learned about the world in a way that wasn't overwhelming. It calmed them down-made sense of things. So, I don't regret it. Even if their theme songs have become etched in my brain... So much so-that, to this day, I can still remember every single word to every single Thomas the Tank Engine song-and most of the dialogue from every single episode...Oh how I wish that there were a quiz show based on that.."I'll take Thomas's cheeky friends for 1000 Alex." I would be financially set for life! 

  Every summer, since the kids have started school...I make these plans...schemes if you will.."This summer we are going to do science projects, and visit the library..and spend our time out doors!" *sigh*...and then August rolls around and I'm buying school supplies and I realize we have done none of it...and that the reality is that I spent the majority of my time delegating whose turn it was to use the computer..or pick the t.v. show. But-this summer...this summer it's going to be different. I swear.

  A year ago yesterday-Omar, along with many of the other well paid employees of his company, lost his job. It set us in a tail spin.  But, sometimes spinning is good. This was definitely a year of spins. We reevaluated, refocused..and basically figured out that life wasn't about work..that we wanted to do things..have adventures..LIVE our lives-be the examples that we wanted our kids to see. At the same time, our kids each spun through their own things as well...no one however, as much as Oscar. 

  I don't know what happened..or even why things happened..But last summer, you would have had to PRY Oscar away from the computer..insist he do something that wasn't electronic..He wasn't interested in anything other than what he knew. But then- a few months ago-things started changing...it was gradual at first.  He started asking to walk to town.."I'm thirteen" was his reason....and then he brought home a brochure for summer sleep away camp..AND looked up the web site-AND had me fill out an application..."I'm thirteen" he told me.."I'm old enough to do this"..and then he started walking away from the computer.."I need to get out of my head" he's told me...and then he went to the school dance-alone.."I want to" he said...Today-he(and Sam) started working at our restaurant (bought as a result of this year)..They swept and stocked,,cleaned and folded pizza boxes..measured pasta and made lasagna- on their own. Today-we started them on the road to real independence-and they loved it.

 Every single moment of chaos and uncertainty- that started a year ago yesterday, was totally worth it for today..Today really was priceless. 

  Our Summer break started this past Wednesday.  We have already gone to the library..Zoe has read two books and has planned our first science project.(she really wants to be home schooled)  we are building a volcano on Sunday.All of them have spent at least an hour each day reading. I have only heard "I'm bored" 540 times (roughly-and 536 of them were from Lily) and the only back ground noise has been from the kids playing in the pool.  Not bad so far...

Birds, Bee's and Labels....and the police

                   ~"Until the day is night and night becomes the day---ALWAYS  
                       Until the trees and seas just up and fly away---ALWAYS 
                       Until the day that 8x8x8 is 4---ALWAYS 
                       Until the day that is the day that are no more 
                       Did you know that you're loved by somebody? 
                       Until the day the earth starts turning right to left---ALWAYS 
                       Until the earth just for the sun denies itself 
                       I'll be loving you forever"~ Stevie Wonder-AS






  

 I've never met someone as comfortable in their own skin as Oscar..someone who I sometimes think was born skinless.  Every sight, every sound, smell...touch...He felt it all and all at once. His early years weren't easy-it wasn't easy being him. Not at all.  Yet despite all of these struggles- here he is at thirteen-confident, loving-JOYFUL. He's really one of the best people that I know.

  Right now, he's a bit anxious about growing up. The realization that he is one day going to be an adult is worrying him.  Me too.  But..for different reasons. He likes life the way that it is. Who wouldn't? He's fed, clothed..he has an unlimited supply of YouTube videos to watch.  The idea of any of that changing bothers him. I on the other hand-worry about how the world is going to treat him. He's a great person-but, will people take the time to recognize that? Or..will they just see his stimming..judge him by his interesting language..label him? The thought of that really bothers me. But then-I look at him..at who he is...and I realize...Oscar doesn't give a crap.  He really doesn't. He is who he is-no excuses..no apologies.  He is comfortable in being himself-and he isn't going to spend time worrying about what other people think. He knows he's a good person..and really, isn't that all that counts?  He will make his own label. I need to trust that.

  So, now have two teenagers...and two girls who sometimes think that they are thirty five. It certainly makes for some interesting times at Chez Herd.  Interesting indeed! For the most part, it is kind of fun.  I am definitely not one of those parents that mourns babyhood. No, I think that I would prefer children to be born potty trained and with the inherent knowledge of where they had left their shoes. To me-puberty, growing up..they are all signs that one day I will be able to use the bathroom uninterrupted. Sure we have had some bumps along the way..my boys are spreading their wings..and sometimes they eat and mumble more than they talk(usually at the same time) But, that's just part of the age. We'll ride it through....Or at least try..I have to admit, their have been a couple of things that have left me...wondering.

  Today, one of my kids came home VERY UPSET. "I had a HORRIBLE day at school!".."Why?  What happened?" "I..*gulp* FAILED PUBERTY!"  "WHAT?!"  "*sob* I failed the puberty test!"  "What do you mean-you failed the puberty test-what kind of test??"  "It means I got the questions wrong!" .."And?".."It means I failed puberty!" " *sputter* What do you mean -you failed puberty? " "I don't know I just failed!".."So...what?-you're not allowed to grow breasts now?  Quick!  Alert the puberty police! There will be no changes happening until you pass your test! ?..Really?." "*laughs*..No..I guess not..I just hate that stupid class..I KNOW what's going to happen..I thought I had answered the questions right.".."O.K...well...we have books-right?" "Right".."And we've talked about all the body stuff-right?"  "Right.".."And you know that I will always talk to you about ANY questions that you have...right?" "Right.".."And you know that your body is changing-like it or not-and that nothing is going to stop that...right?".."Right.".."So don't worry about it...because, no matter what-you CAN NOT fail puberty!"

  I understand the intention behind a class in puberty-I do. There are some families that don't discuss these things..either they aren't comfortable (like I am?) or they just don't bother. Kids need to know this stuff.  But, they are kids (10-11 year olds). Some of them (like mine) just aren't comfortable discussing these things at school. It isn't like I haven't taught them. I have had to.  During the baby years-my house was more a nudist colony (kids not me!) than anything else.  None of them really cared for clothes. Since I have both boys and girls-they noticed the differences early on.."Hey Mama! He's got an elephant trunk!"  Plus, I had my own interesting (read last post) upbringing..So I have made sure that they have known everything they should know..geared of course to their ages..There will be no puberty failure!

  Many years ago..back when the boys were babies (and the girls were just a twinkle) we lived in a house tucked in to the woods. I remember one very hot summer day, I had come home from the market overheated and sweaty...So,.after getting out of the car, I walked to our pool, took off my clothes and jumped in. It felt wonderful! As I was getting out of the pool..Omar teasingly said-"I hope our neighbors didn't see you-they might call the police!" I laughed it off and went in the house to get dressed...about ten minutes later, there was a knock on the door...It WAS the police! I FREAKED out! "How could anyone have seen me! We live in the middle of the woods!"..Omar opened the door and the officer said.."I'm just here making sure that your dogs are licensed.."..PSHEW! Talk about coincidence! Or close calls...Imagine if he had arrived ten minutes earlier?!  He might have been offended! He might have gotten an eyeful....or not...*sigh* He may have been forced to call the *sigh*...puberty police..

  Anyway-back to the beginning..Oscar is thirteen! We could not be prouder of the person that he is-of the adult that he is becoming. I now have two teenagers -AND two thirty five year old little girls...it's an adventure for sure, but we are enjoying the ride...while anxiously awaiting the day that I can take a shower without someone knocking on the door.




 If you get a chance-give a listen to this song. I think it is so very beautiful-and totally expresses what we feel for our herd...enjoy..

I am woman hear me...cluck...

~"There is no such thing as a normal life.  There is only life."~

Anne Rice-The Wolves of Midwinter

 

 I just don"t understand why, but whenever I happen to mention that I have chickens, most people like to tell me how stupid they are. 

 "Oh, you have chickens?"  "Yes!  I love my chickens!" "They are so stupid!" "What do you mean? They're chickens."  "Yes, but chickens are stupid."  "As opposed to what-cows?"  Chickens are chickens...they do chicken things because that's what they are supposed to do. Which is basically, to walk around all day eating.  Honestly?  I kind of envy them lately. 

  Perhaps it's the weather..or maybe it's that three of my herd are going through different stages of  puberty-From "I DON'T want to learn about this weird stuff!" and "HEY MAMA! WHAT'S SEX?!" (at the supermarket) to monosyllabic grunts.  "Hey buddy-how was your day?".."...mumble.." I feel like I am floating adrift in a  constantly changing sea of hormonal waters.. NONE of which are my own!

  I had thought that it would be easier as they grew. That once they could find their own shoes and put themselves to bed-I could take a moment here and there...maybe use the bathroom uninterrupted ...you know, live a little...And for a while (10 minutes in 2012) it was.

  It isn't that they are awful-far from it. I really have a great bunch of kids.  It's just that they are all needing so much and all at the same time...that all I can do is slap band-aids on problems instead of helping them to work things out. I don't know who is more overwhelmed-me or them. I know that we will get through this-just as we have gotten through everything else so far.  With A LOT (like it or not) of conversations and laughter. I mean, puberty can be an awful time-so, you might as well laugh at as much of it as you can..except that I'm mostly laughing like...well, does anyone remember the movie version of Jane Eyre-with Orson Wells as Mr. Rochester? Remember Mrs. Rochester?  The unstable wife that he kept locked in the attic-who eventually sets the house on fire?  Well she had this laugh...

  It's so different from when I was a kid. I'm the youngest of six siblings-and as far as I know, none of us ever went through puberty.  It just was not done at my house. My mother was uncomfortable with anything below the neck and above the ankles-therefore that section of body( a.k.a.-the neck and ankle holder) was never discussed.  Everything I learned was from books and rumors...but mostly rumors. I must say, that I had some interesting ideas... You can imagine my surprise when I woke up one morning and noticed two protrusions coming out of my neck and ankle holder! 

   We are doing our best to be as open and honest as possible. Talking about body changes and feelings.  Reassuring them all that they are o.k. and that it's natural to feel uncertain and afraid.  Growing up..body changes-all of it is scary.  Knowing that you will one day be on your own-even scarier.   *sigh*  It's hard-I must admit. I worry for all of them-and for different reasons. Sam, WANTS and LONGS for so many things...Lily, she wears her heart on her sleeve...and Oscar? When we ask him how he is going to take care of himself as an adult he says "I'll be fine-my wife will take care of me."  So I sit there and listen to them...seemingly composed, trying to be calm and reassuring-understanding and informative ...but in reality I am wrestling with  Mrs. Rochester's laugh-trying not to let it escape.

  Right now, my chickens are outside...eating corn and just walking around.  I wonder if they can hear Zoe and Lily fighting...Oscar eeeeing..or my crazy cackle...I wonder if they think that we are the stupid ones? Probably not.  They seem to be content just being the chickens that they are...I kind of envy them..

Spark....

~"But if you know what life is worth, 

You will look for yours on earth: 

And now you see the light, 

You stand up for your rights. jah!"~Bob Marley

 

One of my most favorite memories of Oscar is from when he was just a toddler.  Oscar didn't really start verbally communicating until he was about four years old..So, in the years before that, he would find   interesting ways of telling me what he wanted. If he was hungry, he would point at what he wanted and grunt..I never tried to force language on him..but I did talk him through whatever I thought he was asking for.."Oscar, do you want fish crackers?"..I'd look at him-and his reaction would give me his answer..i.e. he would hop if I was right-or he would continue to point and grunt until I got it right...and after a few guesses-if I didn't get it right...he would scream...really loudly...and the more he screamed, the more anxious I would get..quickly pulling every item from every shelf down..until the kitchen looked like a battlefield-and the both of us looking like refugees...tear stained and just plain worn out....He was so very frustrated at not being able to speak..I felt like a failure because I couldn't always understand him. So...going back to my story....

  For a toddler that couldn't really speak, Oscar loved words.  He loved being read to..loved knowing what words were-even though he couldn't say them.(He was a huge fan of flash cards)  He loved them so much that he would bring me any and everything he could carry that had writing on it..thrusting it into my hand and pointing until I read them. Books, cereal boxes...nutrition labels!  If it had writing-he wanted to know what it said.  One day after he had gone through every possible item he could find (and he really was looking) he  came to me carrying a shoe. I looked at him and said "It's a shoe."..I wasn't sure what he was trying to say..because I  hadn't realized that this shoe- had writing on the inside and, well...he wanted me to read it..."Bass size 9" I think it was a letdown..I mean, he had been so proud of himself for having discovered the words..that he seemed a little disappointed that there wasn't more to read.  I thought this was kind of funny so I said "Buddy-if you really want me to read to you-you are going to have to bring me something more than a cereal box or a shoe..maybe something with a lot more words on it...and off he went..I wasn't sure what he was going to do...but I was pretty amused when he came toddling back-a spark in his eyes...carrying-of all things-the phone book!

  That happened over ten years ago...and although he still has the best sense of humor..the spark is fading. I am at a loss at how to help him get it back.  I am at a loss as to how to make school work for him.  I am at a loss...and I am lost.

  Oscar is one of the best people that I know.  sure, I'm biased..but still. He is so very caring and kind..such a decent human being. If anyone he knows(and sometimes doesn't know) is hurting in any way-Oscar is the first person there. Out of all my kids-he is the most intuitive...the guy who knows just what someone needs to pick them up. Yet, out of all my kids-he is the one who still struggles with pragmatic language. Struggles with conversation..struggles with comprehension.. Yet-it doesn't stop him.  Last week was a rough one for me-and by Friday night I was just plain..done. I'd had it..I didn't know whether to laugh, cry or just fall into a coma. I was in a bit of a mood-so, I sneaked off by myself outside..away from everyone. Better to be cranky by myself than to take it out on my family-right? I did not know that Oscar had noticed...and..Oscar being Oscar decided that I needed to be cheered up. So, there I am..sitting hunched over-probably muttering all kinds of words..when Oscar appears.."Hey Mama! Look what I found?  I looked up...and there he was...just standing there...wearing my very lovely beige "Victoria's Secret" push up bra.  "How do I look?"  I burst out laughing.  He doesn't stay to laugh...doesn't prance about..His job was done..he took off my bra and went back to the computer-just like that. (he did let me take a picture though) That is my boy.

 In school-it is a different story,  One day he can do his work-the next he appears to not be able to. I'll say-"Hey-maybe he would do better working with peers?" and I'll get "He'll just charm them into doing it for him." I'll get a comment  he's"really participating in health class!" and then I worry-are they just saying what I want to hear? I will get "He really worked hard today" on one day- only to hear "He was in his head and giggling all day today." the next. There are many people who say "he can" and an equal amount saying "he can't".. I'm not placing blame-nor am I pointing fingers. Except at myself.  I can't seem to find a way to help my son.
                                                         Yes-I have asked him.
"Oscar-do you like school?"  "Yes."  "Is the work too hard?"  "Yes"  "Is the work to easy?" "Yes" "Why can't you do your work?"  "I don't know." "How can I help?" "I don't know." "Do you have fun at school?" "No it's boring." "I thought you liked going?" "I do."  "But it's boring? "Yes, no..I don't know."

  Of course-it would be so easy to say "Oh he's bored because he's really just brilliant!" But my boy is not brilliant (he is to us) at least in the way some people want to categorize all autistic people. We aren't going to suddenly discover that he's a genius in physics..or an eloquent writer..or a public speaker. No, Oscar falls into a weird gray area in the autism world. (He knows that he is autistic-but he doesn't really give a crap.) He is neither disabled nor abled enough  to get whatever it is that HE needs. This, I think is one of our biggest problems-that and the fact that no one can figure out (Oscar included) exactly what it is that he does need...No matter what though-he deserves more than he is getting. He deserves a school that is as interested in his education as they are in the non disabled kids educations.

  Right now, he is on his laptop pulling up images (of what- I don't know) that are making his sisters laugh hysterically. His way of getting them to stop fighting with each other.  He'd be such a great diplomat.  Probably better than some of the ones we have now-I could see him, addressing the U.N. in a tailored suit and bra.  Somehow he would make it work-the world would be a lot happier... For now though-I just want to get him through school..figure out what it is that he needs..My boy needs his spark back...

Stepping off into nothing..to give them the world..

~ Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too. ~ Lionel Kauffman 

 I ask my kids to do a lot of things. Some of them easy-(bring laundry upstairs, put plates in the dishwasher etc.) Some not so easy-(go to school, deal with all the noise, communicate)  They all try very hard to do these things...well...maybe not so much with the laundry..or the dishes..but the other stuff? They really work at them-not because they particularly want to-or even see the necessity of doing them. They do them because I ask them too. From the time that they were born-I have been pushing them forward...I am a parent-that's my job.  Autism really doesn't have anything to do with it.  Sure, it changes how we do things-makes certain things a priority. But-it doesn't make my job that much harder-it just makes it different.As I have said before-my kids(three of them) have always been autistic-I don't know how to parent any other way. All four of them are happy and healthy. So, I must be doing something right.   The thing of it is-I don't ask my kids to do anything that I myself wouldn't do. Although, I can't really say the same about them. Which is why I found myself clinging desperately to a large pole forty feet from the ground.

"Mama?"

"What's up Oscar?"

"Look at the bungee jumper" (he was watching something on Youtube..

"That looks scary."

"I want to bungee jump"

"No."

"Why not?"

"What if the cord broke?..What if you slipped out of the loop on your leg? You would fall...really far!"

"I want to bungee jump!"

"O.K.  You can bungee jump when you are eighteen..just promise me that you won't tell me about it until after you do it..O.K???"

"O.K....bungee...I want to bungee jump.."

  A few weeks later, Zoe asked....

"I want to fly."

"Well..one day we can all take a trip on an airplane.."

"No! I want to really fly!"

"I can't really help you there..you don't have wings."( This by the way has NOT stopped her from trying. I have caught her jumping off the top of the couch, various chairs and tables..and once, grabbed her from jumping off the railing of the deck...all causing me to age quite rapidly)

"I could jump out of a plane!"

"Not while I'm alive."

"But I want to!"

"O.K...when you are eighteen you can sky dive-only promise me that you won't tell me until after you do it O.K."

  I thought that I was safe. That I had a few years to not think about it...that maybe, with maturity, they would  SEE that doing those particular things could be hazardous to their life. *sigh* I know..I know..I shouldn't discourage them from trying new things...especially by listing all the ways that those "things" could kill them.  I guess something just happens to you when you become a parent. Your mortality...you kids mortality..mortality in general!  It becomes of the utmost importance.  I know that I didn't think that way before kids. Some of the things that I did (and survived) as a teenager-*shiver* the memories alone can sometimes keep me from a restful sleep. But that is a post that is NEVER going to be written!  So, there I was..thinking all was right in our world, when Oscar said...

"Hey Mama!"

"What's up Oscar?"

"I want to zip line!"

"You do?"

"Yes."

  Now the problem here was that Omar had gone zip lining as part of a corporate event....AND he told us all about it. So, I really had no way to..well...say "No."  Besides, when Omar did it-it was between two mountains and over a forest.  There is nothing like that here. What we do have is a rope climbing/platform zip lining place. That didn't sound too bad. So, I figured that if Oscar wanted to do this-we would all just go for it. (I am a huge believer in family adventures/trips)  One thing that you need to understand about us is that with the exception of Zoe (who will jump off of anything) we are all terribly afraid of heights. But, as Omar did this (over a much higher course) and lived to talk about it..I thought "Piece of cake! What could go wrong?" Remember that large pole that I mentioned in the first paragraph? We became quite intimate.

There I was standing forty feet up(clinging to the pole-really, if I could have melted into it I would have)..trying to look anywhere but down.  The only thing holding me was a rope attached to the zip line. The attendant looked at me and said "Just step off of the platform." My brain was saying "are you out of your freaking mind?"  Omar was yelling words of encouragement..or at least I think he was..I was in panic mode. At the same time, I didn't want my kids to know that I was freaking out(especially Sam who was going on the zip line next to me..so I was answering Omar in a really loud and extra jovial voice.."SURE! O.K.! YUP!!...honestly, he could have been saying "The car is on fire!" or "Your pants have fallen down!" ...it wouldn't have made a difference. My ears just heard "blah blah blah-because the pounding of my heart was so loud.   I knew that I HAD to do this. I had to show my kids...to lead the way...to be fearless. So..I did what my brain pleaded with me not to do. I let go of the pole and stepped off the platform into....nothing....and it was AMAZING! Liberating! Joyful! I loved it. I couldn't wait to do it again... couldn't wait for the others to go. That is when we ran into problems.

  As a parent, there are those special times when we are powerless to help our kids..I don't have them often, but when I do...Well,I refer to them as "Oh S**t" moments.That day, I had one of "those" moments-as I was standing on the ground forty feet below, Oscar and Lily were having simultaneous panic attacks forty feet above.

  Thankfully-the staff there are very well trained..and they were able to get them off of the platform to the relative safety of the waiting area. In fact-they did this many times that afternoon as both Lily and Oscar kept trying to overcome their fear...they never did.  Zoe in the meantime ran the course about twenty times while all this was going on. I'm hoping that this will keep her off of the furniture from now on...or at least discourage her from thinking about sky diving (while I am still alive) .

The pole to the far left became my very good friend

On the way home, I told all of my kids how very proud I was of them. Lily said "But I didn't do anything!!" Oscar said "It was too high!" (I didn't mention bungee jumping)  I told them that I was proud of them for trying. That I could never ask them for more than that. (with the exception of laundry and cleaning up after themselves-"trying" doesn't work there)  I also told them that not going on the zip line was no big deal...that their lives weren't any better or worse for not doing it. That the important thing was the "trying" of it. "How can you know whether or not you like something if you don't at least try?"( That last part was aimed at getting them to taste new foods-again, a post for another day)

  Since then, there haven't been any more requests to do anything life threatening. Although Sam HAS mentioned getting his license in three years. (EEK!) Both Lily and Oscar have asked to try zip lining again. I have no problem with that.  Whether they wind up staying in the holding area-or actually do the course. They are setting a goal and it is my job to help them achieve it...just as it is my job to help them if they don't. Besides, I wouldn't mind having a go at it again...there is a pole there that I have gotten to know quite well...

A padded room of ones own..

~"If you do not tell the truth about yourself you can not tell it about other people"~ Virginia Woolf

  I was talking to my brother on the phone the other night...when he suggested that I was having a "sort of mid-life crisis". A mid life crisis. Me. Now, I have been accused of many things-called many names.  Most of them good...some of them...well, as this is a family blog-I won't print them here. But a mid life crisis?! Firstly, I am a little bit passed the mid life cutting off point.(48th birthday last week)  Even the spam in my mailbox agrees!- From invites to join AARP to free issues of "As We Change"  they mark me as nearer to my expiration date than somewhere closer to...living. I gleefully pointed this out to my brother...as he is 14 years my SENIOR.  This did  not make him happy (although it gave me much joy) nor did it change his opinion of me. Which is solely based on one recent acquisition.  Chickens. Yes, I am now the proud owner of three chickens.

 Since we moved into this area almost 7 years ago-it has been one of my husbands strongest desires to have chickens.  If we passed any house that had them-and there are many- he would sigh and say "They're allowed to have chickens...everyone is allowed to have chickens but me..."  I could have conceded. Much like I did with our THREE dogs, our big screen t.v. and various other things I have become primary caretaker of. But not this time...You see, Omar didn't want them as pets...he wanted them to eat! "We are not going to eat our pets!" I would exclaim. "Then don't name them." he'd reply. "I can't have chickens living in my yard and not name them!"..."Well, name one of them...we won't eat that one." On and on it went...for years...until finally-I came up with a plan. Quite a good plan if I say so myself. 

  His birthday was two weeks ago-He has had a few rough patches this year...so, I wanted to do something extra special for him. I decided that I would get him his longed for chickens...only, on my terms. I bought a coop and set up a penned in area in our yard. Then, I brought home the three ADORABLE baby chicks...and showed them to the kids. Now, my kids being...kids..were very excited! "Oh Mama! they are so sweet!" "Look at how cute they are!"..."What are you going to name them?".."Well.." I said, "I promised Papa that if we ever got chickens- I would only name one of them." "That means we get to name the other two!!!"..."Well...if you insist."

  The kids met Omar at the door that evening..."Happy birthday Papa! come see your surprise!" As he looked upon the chicks with joy and (sadly) a little bit of....hunger..he said "Hmmm..I think I'll call them "K,F and C."  The kids-not knowing what he meant yelled"But we already named them Papa!" I said "Don't look at me-I only named one." and then I added..."How do you like your new PETS?"  He just laughed and said "I guess we'll be eating a lot of omelets." I guess so too.

  So, I don't see how or even why my brother would call this a  mid-life crisis. In just a few short weeks, our chicks have added so much to our household. (besides poop) They are very social-and that can be calming. If any of us has had a rough day...we just go sit with our fuzzy girls...they just make us feel good..  After this past month, I need all the "good" I can get.

  We just went through "re-evaluation" for Oscar..On the day before my birthday, we went in to hear the results of his testing. Is it just me-or does hearing results like this feel like a part of "Festivus" you know-the "airing of the grievances"? Understand, I in no way look at my son as less because of what he can not do..but in situations like evaluations...it feels as though that is ALL the focus is on. It is hard...and a little bit sad. Not because of what he can't do-but because there is no emphasis on what he CAN do. I feel like he isn't being seen as the whole person that he is. I know that they(evals.) serve a purpose-doesn't mean I have to like how they are done.  My day only went downhill from there.  Tht afternoon, there was a meeting at our school for parents of spec. ed. kids.  Sadly, not enough of us showed up...even sadder? Some of the things that were said. For instance-one person asked why their child did not get homework.  They felt that their child needed to learn that sometimes we all had to do things that we didn't like-because that is how it is in the real world. (meaning when they were employed) The answer she received...well...did you ever have one of those moments where you are just holding yourself together-because you know if you open your mouth...not nice things are going to come out? That was me when I heard "Our kids only do/get jobs that they like. We don't have to worry that they won't want to do the work." WHAT?????  And when I queried as to why we could not discuss autism..i.e. Oscar being the elephant in the room etc. That if a child came in wearing a cast, no one would hesitate to ask them what happened..I was told something along the lines of "Not everyone is as open and accepting about their kids as you are." As if this were a fault. Again, I held myself together...when I wanted to SCREAM "Then why don't we HELP them!! It would make their kids lives a hell of a lot easier..and theirs too!!!" I guess we'll just have to wait till our kids get those really great jobs to change things. Right....and disability isn't a four letter word.

  Thankfully, things have settled down a bit since then.  Oscar's IEP meeting SEEMS to have gone o.k.  Omar and I still have our worries...only time will tell. The kids are all healthy and happy...the chicks are thriving...and Mothers day is on Sunday.  This year I am going to ask for a little time by myself.  I gave up on asking for my own (bath)room years ago.  Although...a padded one might feel nice right about now. All soft and cozy...just me a cup of coffee and a really good book.  Perhaps even a chicken or three..Midlife crisis my backside!  More like old age wisdom..if you ask me...

  

. 

  

Letting them eat cake..

"Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going" -Phyllis Diller

I admit it..during the school week at around 3:30..about a half hour after the kids are home from school, I start counting the hours until the girls go to bed. On the weekend, the countdown starts even earlier...like around 6:00 a.m. sometimes earlier..it depends upon when they wake up. I love my daughters, I do. Separately, they are wonderful, sweet, loving little girls. But together? Lets put it this way-when George W. Bush spoke of the "Axis of evil", I thought he meant my girls.

"Mama!!!!!!" "Yes Lil?" "Mama!!!!!! Zoe took the toy I was playing with and I want it back!" "Zoe! give Lily her toy back!" "Mama!! make her give it back! I want it back!! I want it back now!! I was playing with it first and Zoe just grabbed it out of my hands and she won't give it back and I want it!!" By now the tears are falling down her cheeks...right behind her, where she can't see, Zoe is doing a sort of Irish jig, holding the toy, grinning and dancing...two steps to the right then two steps to the left....and Lily is totally unaware of it. Even I admit, it is very very funny. But I can't let her know it. "Zoe! Give her that back right now or you will NEVER have dessert again!" sigh...Sometimes it works...most of the time it doesn't. I usually have to physically remove the toy from Zoe and hand it back to Lily. Which in turn causes Zoe to cry, and Lily to play exuberantly with said toy in front of Zoe. As if it is the greatest toy in the world. This cycle can repeat itself for hours. So you can understand my countdown till bedtime-can't you?

They DO love each other. Lily takes her role of big sister very seriously. She has taught Zoe her letters and numbers..she even potty trained her! I take no credit for that..in fact, Zoe was the youngest to potty train out of all my kids. She adores Lily and wants to do everything she does. When they get along it is magical. (and occasionally quiet) sometimes it is...well...interesting. They love to sing...at the top of their lungs..slightly off key..did I mention at the top of their lungs? Yes, I have been serenaded at 5:00 in the morning by what sounds like Kate Smith and Ethel Merman singing "My Little Ponies" greatest hits. Interesting way to wake up-that's for sure. Although my favorite "wake-up call" was they time they stumbled into my bedroom weeping and wailing, clinging to each other. It was quite the production. Oscar worthy in fact. "MAAAAMAAA! uhuhuhuh..MAAAMAAAA..ahhhhwaaaa" "What! Who's hurt!! Where??" I am frantically looking for cuts..bruises..gushing wounds.."WE'RE SORRY MAMA" "What.!!.What happened??!" I'm thinking the worst..they let the dogs out..or set the kitchen on fire..broke something..they were THAT upset.."We..We..hiccup..We...ATE CAKE BY ACCIDENT!! WAAAAAAAaaaaa!" "You What?!' "We're sorry Mama..it was on the table and we ate it by accident..sniffle.." "You come up here at 5:00 in the morning to tell me you ate cake by accident...what does that mean?...Did the cake jump into your mouth?" "No!! it was on the table and we couldn't help it..and then we were afraid you would be angry..." SIGH...."It is really really early in the morning...the birds haven't even woken up...why don't you go back to bed and we'll talk about it later...like at 11:00..after I have had a gallon of coffee...o.k.?" "So your not mad?" "...not if you go back to bed..." "o.k....Mama?...we love you.." Sigh..how could I be mad? I too have had many such "accidents" with cake...and candy...and ice-cream....like mother like daughters..

I suppose that I can't complain too much. I try to keep things in perspective. I figure that one day they these sometimes difficult little girls will grow into strong women.. At least that's what I keep telling myself. It has become a sort of mantra..especially since I found out that "Goodwiill" and the "Salvation Army" don't accept donations of children. I'll just take it one day at a time..or one hour at a time...whatever works best. As long as there is cake, we should be o.k.

Happy Mother's Day everyone. Only 35 minutes until bedtime....

Call waiting

"If the phone doesn't ring, it's me"
Jimmy Buffet

If I were to call out to the kids.."who wants to help me put this laundry away?" or "Who is going to help clean up this play room?" I would be met with an eerie silence..only the sound of crickets chirping away outside. You would think that I was totally alone in this vast falling down barn of a house. The same goes when I ask them questions about their day..or what happened in school.
I don't get conversation..but instead, one word answers. There could have been a Ninja attack or free elephant rides..but I won't hear about it. Not when I ask. No, my kids save all conversation for when I am on the phone. Normally, I am very proud of my children's manners. They say please and thank you, excuse me when they interrupt a conversation..they are well behaved. Until I start talking on the telephone. That is when all bets are off. It is as if some bizarre force takes over-and they MUST have my undivided attention at that very moment. They will do anything that they can to get it. Crazy things...scary things...dangerous things..The more I attempt to hold them off-the harder they try.

I am not a fan of talking on the phone. I prefer having my conversations in person. In some cases though, there aren't any other options. My sister lives four hundred miles away, so the phone is definitely more convenient. I do try to time my conversations for when the kids are at school. There are days however, when this just doesn't work out. Close friends, family,..they understand my kids ..they are prepared to be interrupted five thousand times or so. We are working on it.

Saturday morning, I was expecting an important call. There was no other possible time for this person to call me. I warned them that we would be interrupted-a lot. No problem, they understood, they had kids too. I threatened...I mean warned the kids as well..I set them up with snacks, computer games DVDs..I told them "This is an important call..please let me talk-IN PEACE!" They said that they would and went off to the various things that I had set out for them. At around ten a.m. the phone rang. The kids were all occupied for the moment-so I rushed to answer it. I wanted to get as much conversation in-before they noticed.

Me: "Hello?"

Caller: "Kathleen?"

Me: "Yeah..Hi!..Could you hold on a second please...Sammy! now is not the time to tell me about Pokemon-I am on the phone...I'll be off in a minute..yes, in a minute.. I'm sorry, the kids seem to need me more when I'm on the phone..."

Caller: "That's o.k. I was calling about..

Me: "Sorry!..hold on a second please...What Oscar?..now is not the time to say that.. I am on the phone..Osc...not now..not...sigh..fine Chowders Feet!..o.k.? Go play on the computer...I'll be off in a minute...sorry..where were we?.."

Caller: "That's fine, I wanted to tell you about.."

Me: "Ahhh...hold on!! Lily!!! Get off of the table right now! ..NOW!! We do not stand on tables!!! Now Lil! You want what? I'm on the phone..I'll be off in a few..what? The river?!! Zoe you are three! You can not play online poker!.I don't care if you have two Q's!!...sorry..I'm back..(BEEP) sigh.. hold on it's call waiting..Hello? Yes this is Kathleen..oh.. Hi! I thought I was already talking to.. uh oh..can you hold on?' (click) Hello ? um...who AM I speaking with?"

Caller:"Kathleen?...I was calling with important news about your Sunday newspaper delivery"

Me:" I don't have the Sunday paper delive...hold on...Sammy-STOP! Never stick a knife in the toaster!! that is dangerous! You could electrocute yourself! No..you get it out this way...I'm sorry..I don't get the Sunday paper...hello? ..hello?...(click) hello?...hello?" sigh..both of them hung up.

I can look at this a number of different ways..The important call I was waiting for? Well if it is that important they will call me back....my kids did learn that putting a knife in the toaster and standing on tables can be dangerous things. Although saying "Chowders Feet", and asking for help with online poker..we will just have to work harder on those things. As for telemarketers?
I doubt that I will be receiving calls about the Sunday paper any time soon..I do know this. If I ever want my kids undivided attention, if I ever want to know what they are up to, what they are doing...all I have to do is pick up the phone.

Getting my Oscar...

Every parent over time learns to decipher their children's cries..You know by the volume, the tone..

exactly how fast you need to get to them. Is it a "I fell of my bike and scraped my knee" cry? Or the more serious "My brother hit me in the nose with a snow shovel, and I definitely need to go to the E.R. because my face is gushing blood" cry. Thankfully, I have dealt more with the skinned knee sort of cry. (although the snow shovel incident did indeed happen) In fact, over time, I have gotten pretty good at knowing when to run and when to saunter. Except when it comes to Oscar. Out of all my kids, Oscar has aged me the most.

Oscar loves words. He loves mimicry, and he has quite the imagination. All wonderful things. My problem is, that he gets so caught up in the game that he is playing, he forgets that it is a game. So much that he can and often does convince me at times that he is in dire peril. "HELP MAMA!!! I'M STUCK!" There I go, running frantically.."Where are you!!! I'm coming!" Only to find him lying under one of the dining room chairs, perfectly capable of getting himself out. "Oscar, you scared me! I thought that you were really in trouble..you can't do that.." "OOPS, sorry Mama..I made a mistake. I was pretending I was Thomas and my tender got stuck." Sigh..I have come to loathe Thomas and all little his tank engine friends..

Oscar has a way with words. He didn't really start speaking in sentences until he was almost six. At eight, his expressive language can be a little confusing. Sometimes I am not always sure what exactly he is trying to tell me. He has a unique way of expressing himself. "Oh no, I don't have a tree for the squirrels!" "What?, what squirrels?" "I need a tree, a tree for the nest!""Oscar, what nest? What squirrels?" "EEEEEEEeeeeeeeee!" and off he runs. I come to find later that he was thinking about an episode of "Clifford the Big Red Dog" I guess it was about homeless squirrels? Aren't there better ways to teach kids about raising social consciousness? But that's just my opinion.

He tries so hard, my curly headed wonder boy. At the store, in the park, in the restroom, if there is a person there, Oscar will introduce himself and our entire family, depending on who is with him. (we are working on the restroom thing) If you are wearing a name-tag, that is an open invitation to Oscar. Yesterday, at the deli counter, a young man by the name of Jim P. happened to be waiting on us. "Hi Jim P., my name is Oscar. This is my brother Sammy, and my sisters Lily and Zoe, and my mom Mrs. Leopold." I won't be surprised if one day he starts giving out our social security numbers as well. I think it is his genuine sincerity that attracts people to him. We have never gotten strange looks, nor has Oscar ever been ignored. He genuinely wants to meet people. He is a joyful boy. So very very funny as well.

Oscar knows how to make me laugh. He has a wonderful sense of humor-and knows just how to use it. If I am in a bad mood, cranky or just overtired, Oscar never fails to get a laugh out of me. There I'll be pacing and muttering to myself..Oscar will look at me and say "MAmaaaaa?""What?".."MAAAAMAaaaaa?" heavy sigh.."WHAT Oscar?!!" " FARMERS NIPPLES! heeheee! Say it mama! Say FARMERS NIPPLES!" "NO! I'm not going to say that!" "What won't you say Mama?" "Farmers nipples" "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...mama said FARMERS NIPPLES! HAHAHAHA!" How can you not laugh?

He got me again the other day. There I was in the kitchen, when I hear "help mama! I'm stuck..only this time it was muffled. I casually looked around, thinking that maybe he was in the closet, or locked in the bathroom. I couldn't fine him. We had talked about places he wasn't allowed to get stuck-like refrigerators, car trunks..I was scared now..I could not find him-and he sounded desperate! I ran out the door...and there he was..he had indeed gotten himself stuck. He had somehow managed to squeeze his body into our cat carrier and couldn't get out. It took a load of patience and some strength, but ten minutes later, we managed to pull him free. "Oscar! please don't ever ever climb inside there again!" "Ooops, sorry Mama...I was just being stuck in a tunnel." sigh...I really don't like Thomas the tank engine.