Saturday, November 20, 2010

Not going to "Never" land..

  ~"All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure."~ Mark Twain

  I should have known...or at least suspected. If ever I wake up in the morning and I don't want coffee, something is wrong. Very wrong indeed.  The thing of it is...well, I didn't figure it out until I took the dogs  for their walk. When I was standing in the middle of my view of the entire neighborhood, in my oldest robe and a pair of Omar's pajama bottoms..then it hit me.. all of a sudden-I knew. I had caught the dreaded stomach bug from the kids....oh and it wasn't pretty.  There I was on hands and knees heaving the contents of my stomach for all the world looking like a lifetime alcoholic coming off of a bender..or a reality show star looking for publicity.  It was that bad. The dogs just stared at me. I don't know what the neighbors thought-but they haven't dropped off any brochures for rehab, so I should be o.k.

  I was in a bind.  Omar was gone for the next twelve hours, and I was on my own...alone with the herd.  Now, anyone who has kids KNOWS what that means. Parents don't get sick.  It is against the rules.  I even  think it's part of the Geneva convention-it just isn't allowed. Now I have been known from time to time for breaking rules...and they say that "necessity is the mother of invention" and it was necessary...I threw myself on my children's mercy. I was that sick-and there was no way I was going to be making snacks and lunch and more snacks and dinner.  It just wasn't happening. "Mama! Your Sick? "Yes..I have to lie down.." "Mama's sick..her belly is going bleeech" "Is your belly sick Mama?"..".....yes.."  "Mama,,are you going to get sick..are you going to throw up..Mama?..".."" "MAMA's BELLY IS GOING BLEEECH!!!" 
"Oh No Mama's going to throw up!!" "Mama's belly is sick!"  and on and on they went...I snuck upstairs sometime during this fascinating conversation and passed out. Oh, it isn't like I wasn't aware of them..they came upstairs every thirty two seconds or so to check on make sure that I was find out how long you put a "hot pocket" in the see if they could have a ask me if I was still sick..sigh..  No,I didn't abandon them...It is more like I left them to their own devices. Which can be a dangerous thing. But in this case- It wasn't.

  The next morning..I was feeling half way to normal as I made my way downstairs. There, I was met with four happy kids and a  kitchen that looked as if a tsunami had hit...there were dishes everywhere..wet towels and washcloths (Zoe had decided to clean every surface of the house-including windows and computer screens)  buckets and papers...a mess of epic proportions...AND  It was one of the most beautiful sights I have ever seen.
 "Mama! you're better!"  "We did your jobs for you Mama!" "I cleaned the table.."  "I made lunch for everyone!"  "I helped too!"   They were euphoric. So proud of themselves.  They had done it-gotten through a day without me. Made choices and decisions...they stood on their own...and while it might have made one of the biggest messes I have ever in my life cleaned up-it was also one of my greatest pleasures to clean it.  My kids took care of themselves and of me..and no one was maimed in the process!.  How cool is that?

  You know, I think back to the early days...especially with my boys.  How far they have come. . I am so thankful for the people involved in the diagnosis. Particularly Oscar's.  His early years were the toughest. We seemed to have more questions than answers...We didn't know if he would ever talk..or!  We didn't know.  We were given a lot of "maybe's" and for that I am very thankful.  Even though at the time it was frustrating-I wanted answers!  But "maybe" is hopeful(even if I didn't think so at the time).   I can't imagine being told "never"..what would that have done to us as parents?  More importantly-what would that have done to Oscar?  No, one of the most important lessons I have learned is to never say never. I don't know what the future holds for him..I try not to worry too much...sigh.. Worrying seems to be an essential part of parenting doesn't it?...My boy is only nine years old, and I see how very far he has come.. the past three years alone have been full of leaps and bounds..How could I possibly predict what he will or won't be able to do?  He counts on me. If I don't believe in him-how can he believe in himself?  Whatever happens-whatever the future won't be because we lived in "never" land.   Although I will say That I never will ignore my body again if it tells me it doesn't want coffee...and at the same time, I'll make sure I am wearing more than my pajamas to walk the dogs when it does...     


@jencull (jen) said...

When I saw your line about not wanting coffee I gasped and knew there was something up. Coffee is a survival necessity!!! Good on the herd though and glad you are feeling better:) Jen

autismand said...

The herd have awesome survival skills! Glad you're feeling well enough to take control again, though.

Kim Wombles said...

Awesome kids! Glad you're back to rights, though, as I missed you. :-)

When I look at all the things bright boy can do (and there's so much), the things he can't aren't nearly so bad. And when you combine the three kids and their differing talents and abilities and willingness to work together to help the other on a not-able, I am confident in their ability to look out for each other in the future when I can no longer be there. Sure, there futures may not look like the typically mapped out one, but it will be a grand future, one in which they know that teamwork matters, that differences are a part of being, and that no one gets left behind.

Laura said...

What a great post!

So sorry you got sick. But it IS totally awesome that the kids handled it so well! That's fantastic!

Way to go herd!

jazzygal said...

Wow..... that's one amazing herd you got there Kathleen. I am soooo impressed.

It's amazing how they coped when they had to. And how wonderful to see such empathy and caring from them too ;-)

Something happened in our house too today that will find it's way into a blog post soon..... WiiBoy helped me around the house. REALLY helped me. it was in his best interests as he wanted me to make a phone call that I didn't have time to make as I had so much work to do. I will be using this excuse regularly!

So glad you're feeling better.

xx Jazzy

Angela said...

I adore your herd :) They may not do things they way "typical" people would do them but they do them in them in their own way which makes them 100X better.

Glad you are feeling better :)

denise said...

Oh! I am so happy for you. I think we all know the fear of, 'Oh God I'm sick and I can't do anything and the poor kids are going to be screwed!' I know that I was actually shocked to discover that my girls CAN actually 'be quiet' when I suffered migraines for three weeks in March. There I was, stumbling around in sunglasses in darkened rooms because all light hurt my eyes, and they were actually QUIET. I am still in awe over it! Congrats, and I'm glad you're feeling better!

Club 166 said...

Sometimes it's better to be lucky than good.

Glad you all got thru the 24 hours.

Now go eat some chicken soup.


Stephanie said...

Hard to know which is worse, being sick while they're well or being sick while they're sick. Ick either way.

Living in "never" land is not recommended. When Willy was diagnosed, we were told a lot of "nevers." Never go to school with his peers, never practice pretend play, never say "I love you." The only "never" he hasn't completely blown away yet is "never hold a job."

I think, for us, we were lucky that this diagnostician also told us to institutionalize our son, and "move on" to our other children. This was sufficiently shocking that we were able to completely reject everything he said after "Your son has autism."

If he'd been a little more sympathetic, all those nevers might have been easier to believe. Then again, it's hard to say.

I'll stick to the nevers I can believe. Never fly by flapping his arms. Never walk on the moon without a space suit.

But, then again, he might just prove those wrong too. You never know. ;-)

kathleen said...

Hi Jen-thanks..yes, coffee is a necessity isn't it?

Hi bbsmum-yeah-they do! and it was a lovely surprise. thanks.

hi Kim-yeah..missed you as well..when I was conscious that is..:) We have amazing kids..I would much rather spend time on "maybe" than "never" any day. :)

Hi Laura-thanks..they are amazing..way to go Indeed!!

Hi Jazzy-looks like we BOTH have reason to celebrate don't we? How absolutely wonderful..:)

Hi Angela..yes-absolutely! Different but not less. They are wonderful-thanks.

Hi Denise-I've missed you! So sorry about your migraines..:( Your girls are wonderful-amazing what they can do when we ask-you know? I'm so happy you stopped by-an email shall be on its way soon!

Hi Joe-I am certainly not going to question this stomach bug miracle of the self sufficient children...Chicken soup saved my life those few days..or at least it felt that way. :)

Hi Stephanie-I love your list of nevers!! Nope-living in "never" land is not recommended..because there is possibility in everything and everyone. I know I would be doing my herd a disservice if I dwelt there..

Looking for Blue Sky said...

I'd be worried if I didn't fancy coffee as well..hopefully it is a comfort that they can survive for a short while without you, but also that they still need you to sort everything out after xx