Saturday, October 27, 2012

Delightfully damned..OR Everyone Loves an advocate (NOT)

~"Oh I am on a lonely road and I am traveling traveling..."~ Joni Mitchell

           The results of Oscars evaluation came in the mail today. A thick packet of type written pages chock full of information I don't really want to know.  Well, I do...sort of. Any parent of any kid who has had any type of evaluation more than likely knows this feeling. The dread of opening that envelope..of pulling out page after page..of what feels like an endless list of shortcomings.  Oh, it will start out nice enough...there will be the usual "Oscar is a delightful eleven year old boy..or energetic, happy or  insert any other positive sounding adjective.  I've been doing this for over a decade now-I know the routine! Almost too well... And I'm kind of over it at the moment.. So for now, I'm just going to use it as a place for my coffee mug...it's a "delightful" place...I will even go as far as calling it "enchanting"...

  The start of school can be tough for a few of my kids. Even though they have been doing this for years now..the transition from lazy summer days to ones of structure still comes as a bit of a shock. The same goes for me. My casual Summer mornings of indulging in a cup of coffee for ten minutes..BY MYSELF are over. It's push time. I become reunited with my alarm clock (and it doesn't feel so good) which when it rings makes me feel like a horse at the starting gate.AND she's off!   I have to make sure that all four are dressed(appropriately-it is in the 30's and my girls are still trying to wear tank tops and flip flops), fed, packed up (YES-we do pack our back packs the night before-but mysteriously...they seem to explode their entire contents all over the house with vital things getting lost in hard to reach places get unpacked) and ready for the bus. Which, by the time they do get on it-I should be dancing a jig..only I'm too worn out from trying to pack their back packs..and bruised from throwing myself on the floor to reach under the couch to find the essential "thing" that ("I don't know how it fell out of my back pack but I NEED it") rolled under it..all the way in the back...by the wall...where all the dust clumps gather (and I SWEAR mock me.) Sometimes I worry that our bus driver thinks I'm unstable...as I wave gleefully in my baggy coffee stained pajama's, mug in hand and tendrils of dust gently framing my sweaty face. The things is-come hell or high water-or even couch fuzz-My kids make it on the bus. Because that is my job. I do it well. I only wish that for a few hours it ended there...but it doesn't.

  The first week or so of school seem to go o.k...it always seems good...at first. But then the little things start to happen..tiny incidents trickling in...like dust under a couch. (yeah I'm a little dust obsessed at the moment-we all need a hobby) These little things start to pile into bigger things..and you realize "Wait a minute!  This isn't supposed to happen!  This ISN'T part of the IEP.  Whats going on?" So...you make some calls, maybe even send an email...all which invariably will be misunderstood, or worse-taken personally.  Which is so not your intent.So there are meetings and more phone calls..and a few emails...and everyone feels better(sort of) because they realize that you were just being an "advocate"...somehow that makes it o.k.  WRONG!

  Getting your child the services that they need. (sometimes via IEP meetings),  letting someone know what is going on with your child when there is a problem that needs to be addressed..that is advocating. Having to make phone calls when the IEP isn't being followed..or call the board of ed. or "discuss" things with someone who just doesn't "see" your child's issues (believe me-I don't WANT them to have issues!)..THAT is fighting-and I am tired of it. It is unnecessary and only causes bad feelings between both parties. That doesn't mean that I will stop.  Lets just call it what it really is.

  So, as you can probably tell-it has been a really rocky two months here at Chez Herd. There have been many phone calls and emails-meetings even! I've been told what a great "advocate" I am. *sigh*  if only it were just "advocacy"....

  I'm sure it will all be sorted out..eventually... probably just time for Christmas break....which is like Summer, only shorter...but with the same difficulties when it's over.  Now you know why I prefer having a place to put my coffee-over actually opening up Oscars evaluation..  Sometimes you just need to step away from the fighting "advocacy". No, today I'll just sit here with my coffee (and delightful holder) and pretend it's Summer...maybe just maybe..I'll get ten whole minutes alone....