Saturday, January 22, 2011

I can name that dinner in five notes!

~"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. "~ Dr. Seuss

"Mama!..Mama!!  Come quick Oscar's bleeding!"  I can tell you quite truthfully, that NOTHING wakes a parent up quicker than words like those-not even coffee.  I flew out of bed-FLEW- to find Oscar standing in the hallway- holding a wet and bloody towel under his arm..which made his side all wet and bloody...and far worse looking than it really was. This was not the first time this has happened. Oscar has a skin tag type of thing up on his side-that he just needs to pick at. .  (we are waiting on a dermatologist appt.)  We have told him (in no uncertain terms)  to "LEAVE IT ALONE!!!"..we have even kept it covered with a band-aid to take away the urge..So as I flew out of my bed Saturday morning-bleary eyed pumped full of non caffeinated terror to find that he had just picked at it-I was..well, I wasn't nice. "I told you to leave it alone!! Why are you picking at that AGAIN??!!"  And between the "We told you not too's" and "Why did you's" I noticed my two boys were just  standing there..staring at their pajama's and it was still kind of dark out.."but mama...I didn't..I was still in bed.." "Yeah Mama! Oscar was hurt and he woke me up and I got you..wasn't I supposed to do that?" Sigh..Did you ever have one of those moments when you want to..kick yourself?  Sink into the floor? When you wish you could press the rewind button and start all over again?  I do... frequently. Oh, it is one thing when you are talking to another adult-you can try and explain yourself and either it is fixed or it isn't. Oh well..I am learning to let those things go...But with your kids?  That's a whole other story..

  So when the realization hit that Oscar somehow did this in his sleep..and as he stood there with pools of water welling in his enormous green eyes..I pulled him in close..hugging him and apologizing "Oh Oscar..buddy..I am so very sorry for yelling..I made a mistake..I wasn't thinking..I just woke up and I was half asleep and scared..can you forgive me?"  He hugged me back..and said "You made a mistake."...We cleaned him up..and went on with the day..A very long day.  A day in which he reminded me of our early morning mishap at least twenty or so times. " made a mistake".to which I answered "Yes, I really did and I am so sorry" each and every one of those times.  Repetition sometimes keeps me humble.

  Repetitive questions are a way of life at our house.. I think it is the kids way of sorting things out ..of making sure that they see things as they really are. Granted-it can be a tad bit hard on the person being questioned...perhaps even difficult.   Being asked "what's for dinner?" forty or fifty times in the course of an afternoon- could cause a little anxiety for the innocent mother...having four children do it consecutively might make said  mother dream of running away to join the circus . ( Unfortunately my fear of clowns keeps me from pursuing the circus life)...So,in dealing with what could be stressful.  I have had to learn to be a bit .. creative. I sing songs.  Not just any songs mind you. I take whatever tune that happens to be going through my head and change the lyrics to whatever happens to be for dinner(usually pizza-but that's another post). Show tunes seem to work best.  "The oven is alive with the sound of pizza"  and Climb every pizza" from "The Sound of Music"..are regular family favorites..and who could forget "Pizza..I just made a dinner named pizza.." from "West side Story"..? Oh the possibilities are endless. The thing is-it works. The kids laugh-and I am amused instead of overwhelmed... Because the last thing I want to do is get overwhelmed by something that they need to do..something that makes their world a little less confusing. They certainly don't need that.

  So even though I wanted to kick myself for what happened with Oscar..I have gotten over it....sort of. (Sigh...there are times as a parent when you need to learn to forgive yourself..AND give your children the opportunity to forgive you as well.) Most importantly, Oscar has gotten over it-which is an incredible accomplishment.  Things haven't always come easy for my boy. Out of all my kids it would seem that he has had the most difficulties..has had to work more..try harder.  I look back to just six short years ago when he was first diagnosed...when all we were told was "We don't know" and "maybe-maybe not"..and I look at all he has done since then.  My lovely boy has worked so very hard.  .Yet,.he has more humor and laughter than anyone I know. He has such joy and I find myself breathless in the remarkable and loving person that he is.

My Oscar will be ten years old this week.  Ten years...two hands..a full decade. How did that happen?  When did that happen?    I can't even imagine what the next ten years will far he will much he will accomplish. I simply can't. Because if I have learned  anything in the last ten years it is that I no longer need to bother with guessing games. Because when I look at my beautiful son- I see only possibility.  Happy Birthday my wonderful boy...and yes, we will be having pizza for dinner.       


@jencull (jen) said...

I have done that myself, just assumed that I know what happened and gone into full 'Mummy mode' *sigh* Like you, I get reminded about it for the rest of the day and feel guilty for a loooong time. Kids eh? Happy birthday to Oscar, hope he has a lovely day and enjoys his pizza :D Jen

Unknown said...

I do the same thing with the songs, only then I get asked to sing the song over and over. You can't win!

Big Daddy Autism said...

Happy Birthday Oscar!

Try giving wrong answers to the repetitive questions. It doesn't make them stop but it sure livens things up a bit.

Kim Wombles said...

Beautiful post. Hee, you made cry and laugh. Happy birthday, Oscar!

I love that you do the show tunes; hee, no surprise that we make up songs here, too. Although now Rosie thinks she's starring in a musical and sings most of her vocalizations at home. :-)

redheadmomma said...

I'm so sorry that happened - I've done that plenty of times but I didn't have the luxury of stumbling out of a dead sleep, I just blew my top!! :P

The repetitive asking made me smile - when we were at Disneyland last month and WE LOST OUR KID (our neurotypical 6 year old daughter), the rest of the day & trip, she asked about every few minutes, "Mama, tell me again how you lost me and then found me again." So it's just kids in general, I think, that must need reassurance. So I told her about it every single time. 'cause I never want to go through THAT again.

Happy birthday Oscar!


Angela said...

I think you showed Oscar that even Mommy makes mistakes...its a good lesson when you think about it..don't beat your self up

Happy birthday to Oscar! You are amazing and special and loved around the world :)

Casdok said...

There are always lessons for us all to learn :)
Happy birthday Oscar!

Daniel "Captain" Kirk said...

GL isn't dumb, he knows the answer, but he NEEDS to hear it again. So after I've answered the same question enough times that it's starting to bug me, the next time he asks, I say, "What did I say?" and he answers his own question. He seems pleased and proud that he knows the answer. Satisfies him, and makes it less annoying for me. Sometimes I wonder if a chance to demonstrate that he knows the answer is all he wanted in the first place. But I don't think to ask him the question until he's asked it a dozen times or so. I guess I'm just dense that way.

BTW, pizza is his standard breakfast. He's much more pleasant after he's eaten, and that's the only way we've found to guarantee that he'll eat. He just polished off another pizza for supper. It's our fall-back plan when we need him to eat.

Anonymous said...

Great post! When I want Cait to do something around the house and she doesn't want to, I start making up words to a show tune that tells her I want to have it done. The only problem now that she is older, is that she makes up her own words to the same song telling me why she does not want to do the said thing. It does keep annoyance and frustration to a manageable level.

Love, Ei

Stephanie said...

Happy Birthday Oscar!!!

(And, yes, I'm quite familiar with the need to kick myself! Far, far too familiar with that feeling.)

autismand said...

Oh yes, the 'Why-did-I-say-that' moment! I know it well!

kathleen said...

@Jen-yeah, I think that it is just one of those "perks" of parenting..

@apples and autobots-HA! No you can't win...that's why I pick easy tunes to remember..and the lyrics? Generally ALWAYS the same..

@ Bigdaddy..sigh..I have done that..only to be met with "why did you give me the wrong answer?"..over and over...:)

@Kwombles..well I know where she gets it from! ;0

@redheadedMama-HAHAHA..The EXACT same thing happened with my niece..she's 19 now and STILL remembers! :)

@Casdok-that's the truth!

@Angela-as are so sweet! :)

@Papabear-that's a really good point..I have to think on that one..Yes, most of the herd lives on and night...:)

@Anonymous-thanks Eileen..Cait is a riot..always has been. :)

@Stephanie-thanks..yes, I am also WAY too familiar with this..

@ bb'smum-unfortunately..I know the feeling in too many places..meaning not just with my kids...sigh..

Life in the House That Asperger Built said...

Julia does that too. The repetitive questioning. I'm going to start being more patient about it. Tough..but necessary.

Looking for Blue Sky said...

We all have moments like that, but how do you prevent them happening when you are just woken? Very hard to take a deep breath and stay calm then! I know I couldn't... and Happy birthday Oscar

autismand said...

I've inflicted Jillsmo's Memetastic award on you. Come and collect it if you dare :)

jazzygal said...

A Big Birthday hug from me to your Oscar!

Oh Kathleen, I so know that feeling. I often jump the gun with WiiBoy. He cries too...but it's anger tears taht turn into a rage and "it's all your fault... you're being mean to me" etc etc. Apologising takes ages to be accepted!

And I too get the repetitive thing.... "what's happening next, mum?" 2o times a day!

xx Jazzy

Anonymous said...

I'm so far behind in reading posts this week. My dear husband has been out of town and my wonderful son has been ill. Son is finally back to school today and hubby comes home tonight, so I am working on catching up on my reading.

I hope Oscar had a wonderful birthday. I wouldn't beat yourself up too much about your response. Is there a mother alive that hasn't yelled at their child and wished we had duct tape for our mouths? It sounds like you recovered nicely and Oscar is fine with your explanation.

BTW I love using music for everything except I use songs that already have the word I want in them. When I want privacy, I change the words to "You say hello and I say goodbye." ;-) My son asked me recently, "Mom is there a song for everything?"