Delightfully damned..OR Everyone Loves an advocate (NOT)

~"Oh I am on a lonely road and I am traveling traveling..."~ Joni Mitchell

           The results of Oscars evaluation came in the mail today. A thick packet of type written pages chock full of information I don't really want to know.  Well, I do...sort of. Any parent of any kid who has had any type of evaluation more than likely knows this feeling. The dread of opening that envelope..of pulling out page after page..of what feels like an endless list of shortcomings.  Oh, it will start out nice enough...there will be the usual "Oscar is a delightful eleven year old boy..or energetic, happy or  insert any other positive sounding adjective.  I've been doing this for over a decade now-I know the routine! Almost too well... And I'm kind of over it at the moment.. So for now, I'm just going to use it as a place for my coffee mug...it's a "delightful" place...I will even go as far as calling it "enchanting"...

  The start of school can be tough for a few of my kids. Even though they have been doing this for years now..the transition from lazy summer days to ones of structure still comes as a bit of a shock. The same goes for me. My casual Summer mornings of indulging in a cup of coffee for ten minutes..BY MYSELF are over. It's push time. I become reunited with my alarm clock (and it doesn't feel so good) which when it rings makes me feel like a horse at the starting gate.AND she's off!   I have to make sure that all four are dressed(appropriately-it is in the 30's and my girls are still trying to wear tank tops and flip flops), fed, packed up (YES-we do pack our back packs the night before-but mysteriously...they seem to explode their entire contents all over the house with vital things getting lost in hard to reach places get unpacked) and ready for the bus. Which, by the time they do get on it-I should be dancing a jig..only I'm too worn out from trying to pack their back packs..and bruised from throwing myself on the floor to reach under the couch to find the essential "thing" that ("I don't know how it fell out of my back pack but I NEED it") rolled under it..all the way in the back...by the wall...where all the dust clumps gather (and I SWEAR mock me.) Sometimes I worry that our bus driver thinks I'm unstable...as I wave gleefully in my baggy coffee stained pajama's, mug in hand and tendrils of dust gently framing my sweaty face. The things is-come hell or high water-or even couch fuzz-My kids make it on the bus. Because that is my job. I do it well. I only wish that for a few hours it ended there...but it doesn't.

  The first week or so of school seem to go o.k...it always seems good...at first. But then the little things start to happen..tiny incidents trickling in...like dust under a couch. (yeah I'm a little dust obsessed at the moment-we all need a hobby) These little things start to pile into bigger things..and you realize "Wait a minute!  This isn't supposed to happen!  This ISN'T part of the IEP.  Whats going on?" So...you make some calls, maybe even send an email...all which invariably will be misunderstood, or worse-taken personally.  Which is so not your intent.So there are meetings and more phone calls..and a few emails...and everyone feels better(sort of) because they realize that you were just being an "advocate"...somehow that makes it o.k.  WRONG!

  Getting your child the services that they need. (sometimes via IEP meetings),  letting someone know what is going on with your child when there is a problem that needs to be addressed..that is advocating. Having to make phone calls when the IEP isn't being followed..or call the board of ed. or "discuss" things with someone who just doesn't "see" your child's issues (believe me-I don't WANT them to have issues!)..THAT is fighting-and I am tired of it. It is unnecessary and only causes bad feelings between both parties. That doesn't mean that I will stop.  Lets just call it what it really is.

  So, as you can probably tell-it has been a really rocky two months here at Chez Herd. There have been many phone calls and emails-meetings even! I've been told what a great "advocate" I am. *sigh*  if only it were just "advocacy"....

  I'm sure it will all be sorted out..eventually... probably just time for Christmas break....which is like Summer, only shorter...but with the same difficulties when it's over.  Now you know why I prefer having a place to put my coffee-over actually opening up Oscars evaluation..  Sometimes you just need to step away from the fighting "advocacy". No, today I'll just sit here with my coffee (and delightful holder) and pretend it's Summer...maybe just maybe..I'll get ten whole minutes alone....   

To EEEE or not to EEEE

"The littlest birds sing the prettiest songs"
The be good Tanya's

Two of my herd came downstairs today wearing shorts and tank tops. It is thirty degrees outside. We have already had our first freeze...sigh...I am still waiting for summer. It seems like we have had mostly rain and chilly weather since the middle of June. I was hoping for a warm fall. Needless to say, we have been mostly stuck inside the house. It isn't that bad..if you like hearing the theme song to "My little Pony" played over and over again on the computer..and the not so dulcimer tones of the trombone being practiced. Yes, this year instead of singing in the concert choir, Sammy has elected to play the trombone.

You very well may wonder as I do, what possessed my boy to choose the trombone. We listen to all kinds of music in our home. I try to expose them to all kinds of sounds and styles..from Rock to Punk..to Jazz and classical..swing and Ska. There is nothing though that features the trombone. No "Greatest Trombone melodies" or "Romance of the trombone". It is just one of those instruments that you know is there, but you don't really pay attention to. I asked Sammy, "Why the trombone buddy?" he responded.."Because the tuba would look weird." O.K... What else could I do but support him.

The music teacher was not so encouraging. I received a call from her, where she expressed her concerns about Sammy learning an instrument. She didn't feel that he had the patience or the inclination for formal music lessons. Sigh...I had this same discussion with her last year when he wanted to sing in the concert choir. He auditioned and got in-but the music teacher felt he might not be able to handle group singing. Not only did he handle it-he excelled. I reminded her of this. She brought up his trouble with playing the recorder. I said that Sammy, because of his fine motor difficulties, had trouble with the fingering required..that he really had no interest in the recorder and that he only played it because it was required for the class. That furthermore, other children were being rewarded with " colored strings" for their mastery of the recorder, and this made Sam incredibly anxious..She countered with.."Playing an instrument is a commitment-he didn't stick with concert choir"..In which I replied " He didn't like the music you chose for them to perform...that songs like "Farmer Jon's nappy knickers" just didn't inspire Sammy (or anyone else) to sing. That he was more interested in working in contemporary (meaning from at least the last 50 years) music. I was met with silence..Ha HA! I won! My prize? A free loaner trombone that the school had.

We picked up his trombone last Tuesday. I drove over to the school with both of my boys. Oscar came along for the ride, because he loves school-and has expressed his desire to live there. I happened to glance over at Oscar as I was standing in line to buy the various trumpet accessories(book, music stand, cleaner, sedatives for me...) He was sitting off by himself just stimming away. Very tight arm movements and grimacing. I called over to him"Hey Bud, you o.k.?" He stims sometimes when he is overwhelmed. "I'm o.k. mama." "Your shaking a whole lot, I'm just checking" "I'm o.k. mama." This time, I noticed other people staring at him..I thought about what they were seeing. I'm sure that to them, Oscar looked really odd. I had never looked at him with an outsiders eyes before. We have always felt that his flapping and eeeing were something that he needed to do. We have talked to him about controlling it when he was in the classroom, we have explained that it could be very distracting to other people and that he had to respect that. At home however, his flapping and eeeeing are just part of the background noise. It is home. The place where he should feel safe, secure and confident. We are very open about stimming with Oscar. We have told him that people may or may not understand it, that they might think that he was somehow less because of it. But he is eight years old. How much of that is really relevant to him now? Yes, I want to change how the world perceives people like my kids. But I don't want to use my kids as props to do that. They are just kids-it is not their responsibility. It is giving me a lot to think about lately. I don't have any answers. I think we'll just take it one day at a time. Like the trumpet, or Zoe's obsession with online poker.

Although Sammy hasn't yet had a trombone lesson, he has already figured out how to put it together and how to blow into it. So far, it sounds like our dog Charlie does after he has eaten Italian food. Only the odor is missing. So our home has added one more noise to the already cacophonous symphony that is my family. At least for the most part they are happy noises..I can handle that....sigh... Only 150 days till spring.