Sunday, February 3, 2013

Fashionably Unhinged...

~"While the angels were singing his praises in a blaze of glory-Mary stays behind and starts cleaning up the place"~ Patty Griffin

Two weeks ago, I posted this as my Facebook update-

 was quite the trendsetter this morning. Running through the snow and down the road in my trendy pajamas, red slippers and leopard print coat chasing down my senile dog-who thought it was a most excellent idea to walk into oncoming traffic. Women of Richmond -I'm sorry for setting the fashion bar so high..

Yes, it was a kind of funny incident (in hind-sight)-you know, one of those things you can look back on-because they are rare and unexpected..or so I thought..until a few weeks later when I found myself running down my driveway, in another "interesting" outfit, hair askew, rocking a chicken in my arms while singing the theme song to "Caillou" an absolute panic....(sigh) Let me start at the beginning....

  Omar had his yearly General manager summit meeting this week.  That means that he leaves home for a few days and flies to somewhere like Miami, San Francisco, The Bahamas, Mexico..or this year Hollywood. While I stay home in cold cold Maine with the kids. Now, I don't fault him for this..I don't hold it against him.  He does spend most of the time in is a part of his job.  A job that allows me to stay home.I understand-and yet?.. I will admit-I am a little jealous. I wouldn't mind taking a business trip once a year...actually, I wouldn't mind just sitting in a parking lot listening to music by myself for ten minutes. But that is neither here or there..The point is-he went on his business trip this week-and whenever he goes on one of these trips-things fall apart at home.   Something either breaks, or someone gets sick..there is always something.

  When he took his first trip seven years ago...within an hour of his leaving-an hour...Oscar threw up all over the new furniture, Sammy was so grossed out that he joined him..and while I was trying to sort them out, Lily knocked a whole tower of cans over-right onto her head-cutting her ran the dogs (probably to help with the clean up-ewww) and  they were(visibly!) covered in fleas...The next time he went away, the furnace broke down-it was 8 degrees outside..the year after that, the pipes froze..and so on.   So, you could say that I have learned (from experience) over the years to prepare for many emergencies.   I make sure we are stocked with food, Advil, cold medicine-cleaning supplies!...that we have a full tank of oil..a full tank of food, cat food-all the bills are paid. I try to plan for every contingency!

  Omar left early Wednesday morning. School wound up being delayed for two hours that day-as there was black ice on the roads. Even though the news station (that I signed up with in order to be notified of these things) did not alert me until two hours after the fact-a friend on Facebook posted the information-so crisis averted. the rest of the day was rainy and snowy-but that was o.k.-I had done all the shopping..there was nothing that we needed.. Life was good.  And then..and then it was Thursday..

  The morning started with Lily complaining of a stomach ache. I decided to let her stay home.  I didn't even bother to question her miraculous recovery the moment the bus pulled away from our house. Sometimes we all need a personal day-I let her have hers.  I thought that we would just have a nice quiet day to ourselves. Quiet being the operative word.  Lily, can be a chatty girl..sometimes a very chatty girl...sometimes she just doesn't stop talking-ever.  So, as I busied myself doing all the things that needed doing-I was a accompanied by a non-stop verbal assault. "mama-why are you doing that?" "Why aren't you doing this?" When will you do the other thing?" Why is this that and not that?" "Why don't you do this or that and then that?""Why Mama?..Why? Why? Why?" As I was gritting my teeth..trying to at least get a work out in..(which is really hard with a nine year old questioning everything you are trying to do.." Boom!  The power went out. "Hey Mama?..Mama!...the power went out!" "REALLY?"...sigh..I opened the door to check if it was out in the neighborhood-OR just our house.  (past experience has taught me not to be surprised if it were the latter) It was the whole neighborhood. So, I went back in-forgetting to lock the door behind me(it pops open if you don't lock it). I figured that it was a windy day-we have lost power before on windy days-they would get it back on in no time...Then, the phone rang. Power was out in the entire town-including the school.  As it looked like it was not going to be restored any time soon- they were closing school and sending the kids home straight away.  Now I had a problem.  My kids LIVE for computer and television time. Especially Oscar. What could I do to make this easy for them? As I was pondering that, I noticed the door had popped open...and my Jack Russel Terrier had gone AWOL...and my chickens were yelling!!  So-out the door I RAN...(remember, I had been working out) dressed in
 stretched out and way too short yoga pants,
 an overly large tee shirt (complete with bleach stains and a neck hole large enough to show my
 sports bra )
 and my hair springing out in all directions.
 (Once again setting the fashion bar high.)

    I found my dog-with the backside of Dorothy in his mouth..Springing into action-I commanded him to drop her..but, as he was "in the moment" it didn't I punched him in the head...he dropped my girl..and ran back into the house(with a mouth full of feathers) heart was pounding-there she was just lying there..I had thought she had gone to the big rotisserie in the sky...but she was just in shock. I scooped her up and started rocking her..and singing the first thing that came into my head.. You see, Bandit (the dog) had gotten one of my girls(Sophia) last summer...she died more of shock than injury..I was NOT going to let that happen again! I also had to get outside to meet the bus..So please feel free to imagine how I looked...pacing the driveway, rocking my chicken..and hyperventilating/humming/singing the theme song to Caillou. Was I setting a new fashion trend?  Or am I becoming the crazy chicken lady of the town?  Only time will tell...

  Dorothy survived the incident-she lived to lay another day. Meanwhile I spent the next six and a half hours with some very restless children. Who felt the need to inform me (every 3.5 seconds) "Boy, I really wish the power would go on."..and as I searched in vain for all of our flashlights-we have at least ten-I found one-with weak batteries (of course)..I thought to myself "I really hate these G.M. summits.." and as the night wore on...and my kids started composing songs in tribute to the blackout..(O black out, O black out..think O Tannenbaum..) I thought "Omar is never leaving home again..When the lights came back on, and I saw how I looked (add a few feathers in my hair) I seriously started considering going with him next year when spouses are included. I am hesitant to leave the kids, the dogs, the cats and my chicken girls for three days...But then again-it may be safer for all of us.

This was what I posted on Facebook Friday morning..

I adore my kids...but after spending many many hours with them yesterday-without electricity or heat...I was very happy to see them all get on the bus this morning..giddy even!

I think that I need a vacation....and perhaps a new wardrobe...


Looking for Blue Sky said...

The chicken rocking had me in stitches, but hey, you saved a life :)

I'm always afraid of power cuts here too, and I start to get twitchy if anything gets below 50% charged...

jazzygal said...

Hahaha....sorry but.....hahaha!! Hilarious! I think you SHOULD join him next time. Or organise a girly night or two away ;-)

I had an almost pajama moment recently....thankfully it was only 'almost' phew!

xx Jazzy

Kim Wombles said...

Hee, you definitely need to take a vacation. :)