Biting my tongue tripping over memory lane...

~"The past is never dead, it is not even past."  ~William Faulkner 

  "Mama?...Why doesn't Oscar want to play with me?".."Well...why don't you ask him?" "I did..He says he doesn't want to play..he just wants to be on the computer..That's all he ever wants to do!!." "That's not true Sammy-there are plenty of times when Oscar plays with you.."I know but I just wish he wanted to play more!" "I know bud." "I just don't know why he doesn't act like me!!" "Because he acts like him!"  "Why?!" .."Well...what do you mean?" "He's always watching the same things and yelling out the same words and laughing." "Yeah...?" "Well why does he do that?" "I..well..I don't know...you know, it wouldn't hurt to ask?"
  "Hey Oscar"..."Yes Mama?" "Why do you keep yelling the word "pingus" and laughing?" "It's "Robotnics-the last pingus vendor....from YouTube."  "So why do you yell the word "pingus" over and over and laugh?" "Because it's funny."..."But WHY is it funny?"..."Because it is from "Robotnics"..."And?????" "It's funny" Well,  I guess that will just have to do-explanation wise. Oscar struggles with "W' kinds of questions. (when, why, who, what)  So I'll just to have to take his explanation at face value...and really, after hearing him rewind the YouTube video (to that particular word) fifty million times..and then yelling "Pingus" over and over and laughing...it does start to sound funny..Or I have just lost my mind...It has been a difficult time here at chez Herd lately..

  With Oscar going through so much (new school next year, changes in routine, difficulty concentrating,...) we decided to have another evaluation done.  He's a great kid (always) who is capable of so many things-sometimes. *SIGH*  Sometimes meaning that he can do something on one day-and on another..it's like he draws a blank. He will learn something new..and the next day-forget how to do it...only to be able to do it again days later. This has been a HUGE challenge for the people who work with him.  They, like me-don't want to push him into doing things he is just unable to do.  But, at the same time..we don't want to not push simply because he isn't interested in trying at the moment. Oscar struggles.. with sensory issues, self expression..pragmatic language...and sometimes...sometimes he's just lazy. Hey-he is an eleven year old boy first and foremost!   It's the separating of the boy from the disability that we are all having trouble with..(school wise) Thus the new evaluation...

  Two weeks ago we had our first appointment. As I sat in the waiting room, I couldn't help but remember the first time we had done this(seven years ago-with Oscar).  We knew that he was on the spectrum.. What we didn't know was how to help him. We were really hoping to get some answers. Which we did-sort of.  The team of diagnosticians were very nice-they weren't exactly jumping in with advice...we were told "We only do the diagnosis..we don't involve ourselves with schools, services or planning"..in other words "Here's your diagnosis-don't let the door slap you in the ass on the way out.". It was terrifying. What should we do-how should we do it?  This was our boy-and we hadn't a clue as to how to help him. *sigh*   There was nothing for us to do except to  muddle through the best that we could.  I look at our boy-our beautiful son seven years later-and think we might have done alright by him. He is wonderful and funny and just joyful. Really, there aren't enough adjectives to describe the incredibleness(made that one up) that he is.. So as I sat in that waiting room, I thought to myself.."This time-this time will be different..this time we know what we are talking about..we know what questions to ask..this time we will get some answers-we will make things right for him.."

  The pediatrician was a very nice woman who had a lot to say.  A lot. She introduced herself to Oscar...and then she sent him to the play area so that we could talk..and talk she did.. "So, you wrote that you had concerns over anxiety and that he is easily distracted." "Yes." And off she went-hardly letting us get a word in edgewise-punctuating all of her points with a smile..Like she was giving us friendly advice but was afraid to offend.   She said things like "ADHD can be co-morbid with autism...do you know what co-morbid means?"(smile).."Yes, we do".."Well, co-morbid means...blah blah blah..."(smile)..I bit my tongue.
"So, he doesn't like to try different foods?".."No..he will try something new-but always says he doesn't like it".."You know, you have to make him try new foods..blah blah blah..(smile)." I bit my tongue.
 "I see that he doesn't like to leave the house".."No-he really doesn't, unless it something he likes to do." Omar at this point discussed what we do when we go out out.had she listened, she would have heard all the things that Oscar does-on his own-in the world...but instead.."Well-he HAS to go out and do things! (smile)I bit my tongue...how do you expect him to be an adult in the world if you don't make him have new experiences(smile)(my tongue is starting to hurt)..maybe he would work better with someone else(smile)(my poor tongue)...Who do you have to support you?  "Each other"  "You don't have support? Why isn't he in a social group? You really ought to consider a home aide who will bring him places and make him try new things(smile)(my tongue really hurts now)..he probably would go out and do things with someone other than his parent..and really..you can't possibly do it all."(BIG smile)(I am close to biting my tongue in half)
   We just sat there and let her go on..let her tell us how important discussing puberty with someone on the spectrum was..Not that she paid any attention on how we have already gone through this with our other son ON THE SPECTRUM..(who by the way- is quite proud of his arm pit hair)..She was so full of....herself knowledge and information..I think she might have exploded had we not let her just empty herself of words. I say that with a big grin. It isn't like she actually listened to what we were saying.  Really, she could just tape record herself speaking-leaving a blank where you could insert your child's name.  I think I might lay the blame at our regular pediatricians feet for this.  He had told her that we were knowledgeable-well informed..I think she took that to mean "know it alls"and had to prove through incessant talking that she knew MORE...or maybe she just likes the sound of her voice.  Either way, it was a huge let down.

  As we were walking out to leave, carrying a huge pile of forms to fill out and gigantic headaches..she called out "I'll send you information on puberty in the mail"(smile)(I may have severed an artery in my tongue) We just nodded our thanks and left. I think that we both felt a bit deflated.

   We had gone in with such high expectations..On the way home, I said to Omar.(which was hard- remember my tongue)."You know, all this would have been great seven years ago.." he said.."Lets just get through the rest of it...we'll take any information that will help Oscar and just ignore the other stuff".(.My Omar is a smart guy).  Our next appointment is in two weeks.This time she will work with Oscar.  I hope that she see's the person that he is..how much he has accomplished...how hard he tries.  I hope that she lets him get a word in edgewise.  I swear if she doesn't-I'm just going to look at her and yell "Pingus!" and laugh hysterically while I of course...smile.  My tongue should be healed by then.

Ask Kissing...

~"I tell you the past is a bucket of ashes"~Carl Sandburg

           "Mama?"..Yeah?"..."Can I go on the computer?".."Well you have to pay me first..." Sometimes-whoever is asking, will reach into their pocket and pretend to pull out money.."I don't see any money".."MAMA!".."Well, I don't.." "But I don't HAVE any money!".."Well then how are you gonna pay me?" "Can I give you a hug?".."Now THAT works for me."  You would think they would know by now..especially as both Omar and myself have been demanding "payment" since...well....forever.  Hey-it isn't like we're asking them to clean the bathroom or anything...It's just that sometimes..sometimes it just feels like days slip by..always so full of whatever needs to be done..that I just want to take a moment..a second to stop and just hug my kids.  If I occasionally have to manipulate the situation in order to get one-so be it. Don't get me wrong, it isn't that my kids aren't affectionate-they are. I do get plenty of unprompted hugs.   It's just that they are growing up way too fast (or at least it feels that way-although there are days when it doesn't feel fast enough)-and I know that there will be a time when  getting hugs won't be so easy. So I'm grabbing as many as I can while the gettings good. It is kind of like hoarding-only prettier (no trash or dead animals).

  Just a few short years ago, Sam declared that he wouldn't go to college without his brother, their bunk bed, and his toy castles.  Now he talks about moving to California, making movies and sometimes (depending on the day)...putting me in a home so that he can "do whatever he wants". "You want to put me in a home?"..."Yup".."Well wouldn't you miss me?" "I can always visit." Go to admit-there are days when that actually sounds kind of...relaxing.  Well..as long as it was a nice home..with perhaps an ocean view, unlimited coffee and good books to read..But I digress...The thing of it is-the older my kids get-the faster they seem to grow. Does that make sense?  In the baby years-I thought that the only thing getting older was..well, me. I felt as if I were living in an endless cycle of filling juice cups, changing diapers, getting snacks and looking for the t.v. remote-(Sisyphus-mother style) ..I never imagined (I was too tired) that there would be a day when none of that would be necessary.( Except for finding the remote-THAT is still an issue.)  So I am trying to make every moment count-while at the same time encouraging them to move out grow up.  The only one really having trouble with this is Oscar.

  Oscar hates loathes doesn't really care for change. Unfortunately, the last two years have been over full of it.  My boy has always had more than his fair share of anxiety,way more- and we have always tried to work our way around it.  Finding things to lessen it-make sure he had some breathing room. But lately..lately it seems that all he does is try to hold himself together-almost to the exclusion of anything else.Trying to find solace in whatever he can to keep himself together.  Stimming, pacing...even the dreaded "Thomas the Tank engine" -something I hoped had thought we were well rid of years ago. I remember back then-when he watched it obsessively..it was all Thomas ALL the time..if he wasn't watching-he was carrying (or flushing down the toilet) one of the trains-or looking at the books.(to this day-I still know all the words to all the songs)  I had asked him once "Why Thomas? Why all the time??!!" "WHY?" and he simply said "They have no worries." They have no worries...*sigh*  my boy is FULL of worry. He isn't ready for his brother to talk about leaving home (even if it is years away) he's not ready to deal with moving to the middle school next year, he's not ready to deal with adolescence-because in his head-growing up means leaving home-and he is just not ready for that(even though we explain that he doesn't ever have to leave-but that he may WANT to-and that this decision is years and years away).  But too him-his constants no longer feel constant and he is afraid. So the best we can do (for right this moment) is to muddle on through..and give him as much love and support as we can. I KNOW that he will get through this..it's watching him do it that hurts.*sigh* Sometimes this part of parenting(the watching kind)  can just...well...suck.  Is it a wonder that I try to grab/give as much affection as I can? 

  I have to say though-even with all of his worries..Oscar never loses his sense of humor. The other night, I was walking past the bathroom as he was clipping his nails. "Hey Mama"..."Hey bud.." "Can I go on the computer?".."Well you can if you pay me." he walked out of the bathroom (I thought to give me a hug) and said  "Sure. Here you go."..he opened my hand and put his nail clippings in it...laughed and walked away.

Who's afraid of the big bad cookie.....

~"Any mother could perform the jobs of several air traffic controllers with ease." ~Lisa Alther 

                I was considering returning to the work force last September when the herd started back in school.  The problem was that I didn't know what I wanted to do. You see, I haven't been gainfully employed in over thirteen years.  And even then-the work that I had was "interesting".  In other words-not your typical kind of job.(unless you count dressing as a giant costumed character-or posing for artists as typical)  Back then, my father liked to say to me (a lot) "Kid" (he called me kid because me being the youngest of six-he often forgot my name...although, he sometimes also called me "Pinky", which was the name of one of our cats that he didn't forget...hhmmmm...)..Anyway, he'd look at me and say-"Kid-you just don't have any skills." Now in my humble opinion-this simply was not true!  I had/have skills-wonderful skills-mad skills!  It's just that..well, they just aren't the kind of skills that are appreciated by most employers. Truth is-I am not very good at regular jobs.  I am awful at answering phones, math, sitting still, computers-and forget any type of office machine! I once had a job that required me to make photocopies. For some reason-I could never get the machine to work correctly. I can't tell you(or maybe I'm just embarrassed to)  how many nights that I snuck out of work (didn't want to get fired) with hundreds of sheets of misprinted papers stuffed in my back pockets. So many that I literally looked like a Kardashian-at least from behind..

   No, give me an irregular job any day-and I will floor you with my skills.  Sadly, irregular jobs seem to be few and far between. Unless of course you count motherhood. Which truly is an odd job-only you don't get paid.  Oh I know..there are many who would say "But you are paid in love!!" First of all...yuck, and second- Yup-I am..absolutely..sometimes even over paid..but you know, it would be nice to maybe occasionally get some cash or even a gift card for a job well done. Not that I'm complaining-really, I'm not.  I guess I'm just tired of" bringing home the bacon"-literally.

  Back in September, I thought that I would have lots of free time.  The herd are all (finally) full time students-I should have hours and hours of "spare" time. Right?..*sigh* wrong.  They are getting older now-and it is time to start gently pushing nudging them into the world.  This year, three of them are involved in extracurricular activities. The girls are in scouts, Sam is playing on the basketball team...and Oscar?  Well, I haven't quite found a fit for him YET. Although, I did try to start a social group for parents of special needs kids. Something where we could get our kids together and do things. But the story behind that not happening is post for another day.

  These extra activities haven't really been too stressful.  It has just been a matter of getting the right kids to the right places at the right time. They mostly like being forced out of leaving the house-or rather the computer and t.v...and it has been fun for them-me too. (at least after the initial game of" where are your shoes?!" or jackets, gloves, socks, shorts...and one time-clothes)  But, things have taken a dark turn-and  it has come in the form of cookies. Yes, it is THAT time of year-the time when you are approached by young girls looking hopeful while clutching crumpled order forms to their chests-followed closely by steely eyed parents just daring you to say "no thanks." Yup-it's Girls scout cookie time-and I am in so much trouble.

  Both of my girls are selling cookies. Both of my girls need to sell one hundred boxes in order to earn a badge. Both of girls are thrilled at the idea of selling cookies-it is the actual doing that stumps them. Even though we have been given valuable tips on how to sell them...You know, the usual- "Stay safe" "don't go into houses" or my personal favorite "have your parents sell them at work!" (Kind of hard when you are a stay at home mother. I mean I'm sure I could interest my dogs in them-but they don't have any money...that I know of.)   All of these "tips" and "advice" really  translate to "Get your parents to come with you/or/do all the work."... in the case of my girls-"Get your mother to sell them." *sigh*  Have I mentioned that I am also horrible at sales?

Me "Hey-how are you?"

Other Parent-"Great.  How are the kids?"

Me-"They are really doing well this year.  The girls are in scouts."

Other parent-"That's great! How do they like it."

Me-"So far so good. You know they are selling cookies."

Other parent-(looking everywhere but at me) Oh....yeah..um..well..."

I know that this is when I should go in for the hard sell..that this is the time to remind them that I have bought  every cookie, nut, magazine that their child has ever sold. That the money from these sales really does go to good causes..that I am desperate....but instead..

Me-"Hey it was good seeing you.."

  I'll say it again- I stink at sales.  I am not comfortable asking people to buy things-even if it is for a good cause. It just makes me anxious-as does observing people looking away quickly when they see me coming. Which leaves me wondering how are my girls (who am I kidding-how am I) going to get rid of  sell seven hundred dollars worth of cookies? I have really been working on this-and have finally come to this conclusion.   Like it or not-Omar is going to be selling a lot of cookies at work tomorrow. Now THAT is what I call "problem solving." No skills-indeed! Seems that motherhood has made me a whiz at delegating.  I just have to figure out how to make this work on a resume...

   

  

Visions from egg nog dance through my head...

~"In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church; the Jews called it 'Hanukka' and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!' or 'Happy Hanukka!' or (to the atheists) 'Look out for the wall!'~Dave Barry

Last Christmas, as lay sprawled among the wreckage of wrapping paper and boxes I thought to myself -"Next year will be so much easier"... All of the kids will be in school full time..I will be able to leisurely shop, wrap and bake while fully(and fashionably) dressed with combed hair in a sparkly clean house... I will send Christmas cards and packages- EARLY!..In the evenings, I will greet my husband at the door with a cocktail and a "Darling-how was your day?" and as I sashayed into the kitchen to check on the roast.. my angelic children (washed and in clean pajamas) would gleefully announce(for some reason in British accents) "Oh Mummy..Father's come home!" Later on, after the children were tucked into their beds...we would sit in front of the fire sipping eggnog...just enjoying each others company. 

  I have absolutely no idea where this fantasy came from.  I blame the egg nog.   I mean, I don't even have a fireplace!  I certainly don't know how to sashay..and at the end of the day-I'm just happy that Omar is home and I have another adult to talk to. I have been alone-with children..for hours-..so if anyone is going to get a cocktail it will be me. Especially after getting the kids (well, really just the girls) to put on their pajamas-something which can take mediation skills and intense negotiation. (Although, it is very good training if I should ever find myself in a hostage crisis)  So, when the kids finally do get to bed-we both kind of collapse on the couch together..

  No, holidays at my house are chaotic events. ALWAYS.  That is just the nature of things.  Although, I did start the month off with a clean house. There is something to be said for that.  I don't know "what" exactly ...but something.  Unfortunately, by the third of the month, it was a mess...and has remained that way ever since. I have tried to keep up...you know-moving piles of things from one place to another...but the next day more stuff seems to magically appear to take its place..until I find myself cramming things in drawers and closets..that I swear I am going to clean out "once the holiday is over".  But I never do. No-I just keep cramming more stuff in them. Some of my cabinets are packed so precariously (I wouldn't be surprised if there were a fifth child stuffed somewhere in there)-that I have developed actual techniques of how to open and get them to shut again-without (hardly) anything falling on my head. But I digress...

  The month of December started with a clean house...but then Zoe got sick...and then Lily...and then Oscar..and Sam..and Oscar again.( Thankfully, they are all hale and hearty now-just in time for school break.) Having sick kids at home meant I could not Christmas shop very easily. Oh-I got it done..but it was very rushed.  Thankfully, I had their Christmas lists to guide me.  Lists that they start writing in June.(Only because there are times when I need a moment to think-and this can occupy them for a whole five minutes).   The girls wanted every Littlest Pet Shop...Oscar-every Angry Bird..and Sam...well, his list was 32 very detailed items long...which, he informed me was only half of what he wanted. Don't get me wrong-my kids aren't demanding..nor are they spoiled. This is the one time of year that we go all out with gifts.  They do appreciate it...although they think that Santa is their benefactor (except for Sam) . Which can make for some interesting conversations.."Mama, I'm asking for a new Nintendo 3D for Christmas." "Well..remember, you don't get everything on your list...and those are kind of expensive." "Well..I think I'm going to get one." "I wouldn't count on it..they are expensive." "So. It is from Santa..he just has to make one..it doesn't cost anything."  *sigh* Kind of hard to argue a fantasy that you have thoroughly encouraged.  "Well..we will just have to wait and see.."

  Besides shopping, we have had many extracurricular activities.  I have had meetings and appointments and my girls have had scouting. This year, both of them decided to join Girl Scouts.   This month, besides their regular girl scout meetings...there was the Christmas party( and the singing to the seniors.  Maybe it is just me...alright, I KNOW it is just me-but, when I think about being elderly..the last thing I would want is 20 or more young girls singing loudly at me. VERY loudly about red nosed reindeer..and Santa..or the weather. To me, it feels almost like..well, punishment. As if we are saying "we had no place else to sing and you can't run away- ha ha!"  I must say, the people did seem to enjoy it...although, I suspect many of them took out their hearing aids beforehand. 

  We also did quite a lot of baking. I thought it would be a good way to teach measurements and how to follow a recipe.  I wound up doing the majority of it as my kids ran screeching through the house pumped full of sugar.( Sometimes I think that they would make a wonderful alternative fuel source. Feed them lots of sugar and then put them on a treadmill-which would be connected to a generator. Voila! The worlds energy problems would be solved.)  They did enjoy decorating the cookies-between bouts of sugar induced hysteria.  I was left with all the broken ones. I think I did a nice job. 

  So here it is..Christmas Eve.  The tree is up, the presents are wrapped..the house is a mess (I'll clean it after the holidays) and my children are insane excited. It certainly didn't happen the way I fantasized it last year. But that's o.k. because there is always next year-and besides, I have plenty of egg nog.  

  

  

  

To everyone-no matter what you may celebrate-I wish you all happiness and peace.  "May the road rise to meet you-and may the wind always be at your back." (from The Irish Prayer)

Thankful...for the predictable..and the not so...

~" You say, 'If I had a little more, I should be very satisfied.' You make a mistake. If you are not content with what you have, you would not be satisfied if it were doubled."~

Charles Haddon Spurgeon

     Sometimes it's hard to be thankful...well, not so much hard.(to me)-as it is to forget to be.  I know that in my life, I can get so caught up in the "what's next"..that I forget to look at the "what's now".  There are days..weeks..when all my time is spent planning for the next IEP, the next hurdle to get over ...the next "thing" that needs to be done..that I rarely take the time to stop and see where I am standing.  That is why I like Thanksgiving.   Spending a whole day with (most of ) the people who are important to me.  It is also the only day of the year that we eat as a family. What with food issues and Omar's work hours..we rarely sit down together-much less share a meal.

  With the herd-I'm a short order cook. Texture, taste, smell...all those things effect how the herd eats. Sam likes some chicken, burgers, mac and cheese and pizza...Oscar likes pizza..pizza bagels..tomato soup..and pizza...Lily-my adventurous girl..will try anything (even the heart and liver Omar cooks from the turkey on Thanksgiving...ick!!!!!!) and Zoe..she likes Pizza and chocolate-not in that order. They do get fruit and vegetables(well, carrots) and plenty of yogurt. They are all growing and healthy-so I'm not going to complain. Why mess with something if I don't need to?  That doesn't mean I don't...suggest that they might like to try something different..
"Hey Oscar...on Thanksgiving...do you think that you might like to try some turkey and potato's?"
"O.K. sure"
"Great...what about you Sam?"
"Of course I will."
"Wonderful...Lil.I KNOW you'll enjoy our feast..."
"I can't wait!"
"What about you Zo?"
"No. I don't like it."
"Well alright then...everyone except Zoe is going to try Thanksgiving dinner this year-I'll make sure there is pizza for you Zo.."
"Pizza!...I want pizza."
"But Oscar-you said you would try turkey this year..."
"O.k."
So..I left it at that...even though I knew that it was more than likely that three of them would wind up opting for pizza..which really is fine by me.  You see,  I HAVE to ask if they will try turkey-it's kind of like a holiday tradition in our house- just like the "annual making of difficult costumes" has become for Halloween ...or the "I'm going to call Santa if you don't stop doing that" threat at Christmas.  It is just how we do things.  Although sometimes I wonder if I'll be asking the same question when I'm eighty....I'm hoping that by then they are cooking for me. Or at least ordering out for pizza..I definitely hope I won't be using the Santa threat...

  On Thanksgiving, we all sat down at the table-that held a beautiful meal cooked by Omar...plus the obligatory pizza. Sam did manage to take a few microscopic bites "It is really good-but I'm more of a pizza kind of guy" Oscar and Zoe didn't even try to pretend..and Lily had a bit of everything. As I do every year-I went around the table asking everyone what they were thankful for...and as they do every year..I was told.."I am thankful for you and Papa...pizza....toys...Christmas coming..Mario..-predictable but nice.  Later on, Sam came to me and asked "What are you thankful for Mama?"..now, you have to understand..at this point it had been a long couple of days. The holiday had started with Oscar coming home sobbing(carrying a crushed box) on Tuesday because he had dropped the pie he had made us- on the bus...so of course I grabbed a fork and started to eat his smashed pie telling him it was perfect and delicious while ignoring the boot print on it and smiling as I convinced myself that the crunchy parts were just bits of under cooked apple...and then the next day it snowed and school was cancelled....it was gloomy and cold out...and the herd had been stuck inside..and they(the girls) had a bit of "cabin fever"... I had just broken up the zillionth fight between my banshee's screaming mimi's daughters.....*sigh* of course it had to do with "littlest Pet Shop" toys...so maybe that's why I answered the way that I did........"What am I thankful for?.." "yeah"..."Well, I'm thankful for our family..and coffee..and......that there aren't any werewolves living by us." (Really-I am..with all this "Twilight" movie obsessiveness going on-you'd think that werewolves would be great-hello?  They are predators! They EAT PEOPLE!-so I am glad that they aren't around..besides I already have three dogs..and could you just imagine how much a werewolf sheds?)  I really have no idea of WHY I said that..it...but the minute it came out of my mouth-I regretted it. I was(selfishly) afraid it would lead to a discussion about Big Foot...something that Sam is very interested in discussing...in great DETAIL...with charts, graphs, eye witness testimony and video clips...along with the "Loch Ness Monster" and the "Chupacabra"...But-he didn't take the bait. Instead, he looked at me and said "We have a weird family"..."Ummm..I guess?..does that upset you?" "No-I like it." "Me too bud..it certainly keeps life interesting huh?"  "yeah..it really does"

   Just like my girls, I have a hard time sitting still..Most days, I feel like a racehorse being released at the sound of the alarm in the morning. Truth be told-I like it that way.  Which makes days like Thanksgiving a little more special for me.  That does not mean however,  that I wasn't thankful to see them get on the bus Monday morning..I was(after being stuck inside for five days)..truly thankful (especially my girls!) almost as thankful as I am about the werewolves...

This post brought to you by the letter "P"

 ~"Paradise is exactly like where you are right now... only much, much better~" Laurie Anderson

                   P is for plumbing- A year ago I wrote this post...it was all about renovating our house..and about getting a second bathroom. Actually, I have written about getting a second bathroom many times over the years...you might even say that I Perseverated on the Project. Well, I am Pleased to Proclaim that this week I have become the Proud Possessor of a second bathroom-a Porcelain Paradise! Although, I have to say that even though we now have two-my children always seem to know when I am in one of them. It is as if my crossing the threshold turns on some sort of homing device..
"Mama?"....
"I'm in the bathroom.."
"Mama?"
I'm in the bathroom."
"MMAAAAAAAMAAAA???!!!"
"I AM IN THE BATHROOM!" knock knock knock..."Mama? Mama are you in there?"
".....YES."
"But the door is locked!"
"I'll be out in a minute."
"Mama?"
"I. SAID. I'LL. BE. OUT. IN A. MINUTE"
"What are you doing?"
"What do you THINK I am doing????"
"I don't know...what?"
"I'M PEEING!"
"Oh..."
As I forcefully swing open the door..."O.k...what is it that you need so badly????."
"Oh...I was just seeing where you were."

I know that this bathroom phenomena is not unique to my family. In fact, I am sure parents have dealt with this situation since the...way back to the cave man days "Mama?"... "I'm in the bushes..." Maybe even to the beginning of time.."Eve? where are you?"  "I'm behind the tree..." "What are you doing?"..."What do you think I'm doing?" "Can I come back there?" "Go eat an apple..I'll be out in a minute.."

P is for podiatrist. *sigh* Yes, I have a podiatrist.  Due to a series of unfortunate events-or my lust for a potato chip...I have wound up under the care of a foot doctor. He has advised me of all the different torture treatment options he has for my foot...and I..very graciously listen as my eyes glaze over..while I slowly but  figuratively put my fingers in my ears and say "lalalalalalalalalalala".  I believe that he thinks I am a crack head..or mentally unstable....or weird.   I on the other-hand, believe that he has poor taste in footwear. (This is an actual picture from his office-don't they just scream "old and complacent"????)

 Not that he has suggested I choose anything from his cabinet of undesirable shoes....yet.  Although, I probably wouldn't hear him if he did.  Sometimes having to take four kids to any kind of appointment has its advantages. But only sometimes...








P is for Puzzle and Perplex and Promise.  This week, Lily had a brownie meeting. (A younger version of a girl scout)  They are learning Christmas Carols-to sing at the senior center next month. Now, Eight year old girls are lively and energetic...or at least they are supposed to be..So, you can imagine my dismay when I walked in and they were singing these songs as if they were funeral dirges. I mean come on now! Are the seniors at the center already dead?  Do they want to sing them to their eternal slumber?  So....I did what any carol loving woman would do.  I hi-jacked their rehearsal. Me and another mother decided to show these girls what singing was about!  So what if it involved interesting dance moves. We showed them the way it should be done!...much to my Lily's absolute humiliation...heehee  "You are the MOST embarrassing mother in the WORLD!!!"  "Well...not really...there was another mother singing with me."  "I can't believe that you did that to me!!" "Oh come on Lil...the other girls had fun."  "Not me!"  (this from a girl who has absolutely no problem singing at the top of her lungs with me in the car..or at home...or the supermarket..)*sigh*.."Alright..I will never sing like that again." "Promise?" ..."I promise"...She is at that age(between 8 and 30) where she is becoming so very self conscious and self aware-an age where ones mother is someone that should only be seen and never heard... I totally get her embarrassment (and will respect her wishes)  Although, I'm still going to sing in the car .  I just hope that she still sings with me.

  And finally, P is for patience and persistence ....it is for being pissed off(my dryer broke) and pleasantly surprised.  It is for pacing, pondering and porcelain...and as pleasing as much of it has been-I am ready for this P filled week to be over. I am going to go and enjoy my lovely new shower...perhaps I'll even sing.  I hope that Lily hears me. That would be Perfect.

They shoot (My Little) Ponies-don't they?

  ~"All of us have moments in out lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them"~Erma Bombeck

   My daughters have been tap dancing on my last nerve. When they aren't at each others throats...they turn their attention to me .Let me tell you- it is a sad day when a mother has to hide in the garage-just to get away from her daughters.   "Mama!...Mama?....Mamaaaaaaaa!!!! Zoe's copying me!' "Well you're being mean to me!"  "I am not".."Yes you are!..Wheres Mama?  I'm telling on you!"..."NOOOO!!!!" "Mama!...MAMA!!!!!!???..."  "I'm in the garage."  "Where are you? I can't hear you!!" "I'm in the garage."  After a good ten minutes of not coming for me (which I don't understand- but don't question!...I mean they KNOW where I am...sort of)...they give up..and I have gotten some much cleaning done.  Hey-it works for me!

  There used to be a time when all of there problems were solved with a hug and perhaps a "My Little pony" video.  But those days are long over.  Oh, they still like hugs...it's the ponies that have gone by the wayside. Sigh...no longer can they be appeased by Pinky Pies adventures..or the hi-jinx and hilarity of Tula Rula.  No longer do we hear the ummmm...dulcimer tones of the ponies singing their theme song.  Nope.  The real world and all its drama.(well as much drama as a six and eight year old can conjure...believe me-it is a lot) has crept up on my girlies-and they aren't quite sure what to do about it....neither am I...well, except for hiding in the garage.

  This year Zoe is in school full time. Although she does love going, at the same time,she is quite anxious about all of it.  Social situations...reading..and the dreaded scissors. "Zoe...stop hitting Lily!"..."Well she has all the markers and won't give them to me!" "She doesn't have all the markers.." "Yes she does!"  "No, you decided that you didn't like your markers and threw them all over the floor before we got in the car."  crying now..."Fine! Now no one likes me!" "What? This has nothing to do with liking you..?????" "Yes it does...now you don't like me!"  No Zo...I don't like your behavior right now...but I love you with all my heart."..."Fine! Then I'll never be famous!"..."What???" still crying.. "I'm not famous!"   ..'...Well...umm...what?..What does being famous have to do throwing your markers on the floor?" "It's a secret."..."I'm really confused...you threw your markers...hit Lily..and you're crying because you aren't famous?"  "Well..WELL...famous artists know how to use scissors!!!"  Are you as confused as I am? This is NOT typical behavior for my girl...But as they say  "Life imitates art"..sigh.but in our house..Zoe imitates Lily...

 My  Lily has undergone a major transformation this past Summer.and it would appear (from what I have heard from other parents) that she is not the only one. EVERYTHING is a battle...a struggle...a fight. From the time she gets up in the morning-till the time that she goes to bed.  I really think that it would be worth the Discovery channels time to film a documentary on this phenomenon. You know, there is a very good reason why eight year old girls don't have children-simply because they would eat their young.  My girl has gone from joyful to incredibly anxious in just a few short weeks. All of a sudden her friends have become enemies...and social status is everything. The world as she knew it is upside down and she doesn't quite know how to handle things.  Besides pick on me.  I'm doing my best to teach her how to survive adjust...and for the most part she listens.  It really is a terrible time for her-and I worry that I'm not as helpful as I could be. It is just so hard difficult hard when your girl is hugging you one minute and yelling at you the next. I am so not looking forward to adolescence..

  For the most part, my girls do get along.  Seeking each other out to play..sing really loud...run around like wild women. Their bond is magical. They will spend hours together thinking up adventures for their latest obsession.  "Littlest Pet Shops"  Have you seen them?  Small, plastic-large headed oddities( in the shape of various animals) with enormous eyes.  My girls think that they are cute..I think that they are trying to kill me. Really I do!  I keep finding them in strange places...the top of the stairs...the bottom of the tub....my instep at three o'clock in the morning. I can't tell you how many times I have tripped over, knocked in to, or sat on top of one of those enormous headed bits of seething evil. Far too many to count!  Sure, I could blame my girls..could say that they just hadn't cleaned up after themselves..But-they insist it isn't them. So, the only conclusion I can come to is that "Littlest Pet Shops" want me gone...You don't believe me do you?  You think that I am exaggerating... Well, this morning, I walked out my bedroom to find this outside of my door. All of

them just sitting there...watching...waiting and watching.  I fear my days are numbered.  Please let me know  if you have any words of wisdom or advice. If you want me- I'll be in the garage.