Saturday, November 19, 2011

This post brought to you by the letter "P"

 ~"Paradise is exactly like where you are right now... only much, much better~" Laurie Anderson

                   P is for plumbing- A year ago I wrote this was all about renovating our house..and about getting a second bathroom. Actually, I have written about getting a second bathroom many times over the might even say that I Perseverated on the Project. Well, I am Pleased to Proclaim that this week I have become the Proud Possessor of a second bathroom-a Porcelain Paradise! Although, I have to say that even though we now have two-my children always seem to know when I am in one of them. It is as if my crossing the threshold turns on some sort of homing device..
"I'm in the bathroom.."
I'm in the bathroom."
"I AM IN THE BATHROOM!" knock knock knock..."Mama? Mama are you in there?"
"But the door is locked!"
"I'll be out in a minute."
"What are you doing?"
"What do you THINK I am doing????"
"I don't know...what?"
As I forcefully swing open the door..."O.k...what is it that you need so badly????."
"Oh...I was just seeing where you were."

I know that this bathroom phenomena is not unique to my family. In fact, I am sure parents have dealt with this situation since the...way back to the cave man days "Mama?"... "I'm in the bushes..." Maybe even to the beginning of time.."Eve? where are you?"  "I'm behind the tree..." "What are you doing?"..."What do you think I'm doing?" "Can I come back there?" "Go eat an apple..I'll be out in a minute.."

P is for podiatrist. *sigh* Yes, I have a podiatrist.  Due to a series of unfortunate events-or my lust for a potato chip...I have wound up under the care of a foot doctor. He has advised me of all the different torture treatment options he has for my foot...and I..very graciously listen as my eyes glaze over..while I slowly but  figuratively put my fingers in my ears and say "lalalalalalalalalalala".  I believe that he thinks I am a crack head..or mentally unstable....or weird.   I on the other-hand, believe that he has poor taste in footwear. (This is an actual picture from his office-don't they just scream "old and complacent"????)
 Not that he has suggested I choose anything from his cabinet of undesirable shoes....yet.  Although, I probably wouldn't hear him if he did.  Sometimes having to take four kids to any kind of appointment has its advantages. But only sometimes...

P is for Puzzle and Perplex and Promise.  This week, Lily had a brownie meeting. (A younger version of a girl scout)  They are learning Christmas Carols-to sing at the senior center next month. Now, Eight year old girls are lively and energetic...or at least they are supposed to be..So, you can imagine my dismay when I walked in and they were singing these songs as if they were funeral dirges. I mean come on now! Are the seniors at the center already dead?  Do they want to sing them to their eternal slumber?  So....I did what any carol loving woman would do.  I hi-jacked their rehearsal. Me and another mother decided to show these girls what singing was about!  So what if it involved interesting dance moves. We showed them the way it should be done!...much to my Lily's absolute humiliation...heehee  "You are the MOST embarrassing mother in the WORLD!!!"  "Well...not really...there was another mother singing with me."  "I can't believe that you did that to me!!" "Oh come on Lil...the other girls had fun."  "Not me!"  (this from a girl who has absolutely no problem singing at the top of her lungs with me in the car..or at home...or the supermarket..)*sigh*.."Alright..I will never sing like that again." "Promise?" ..."I promise"...She is at that age(between 8 and 30) where she is becoming so very self conscious and self aware-an age where ones mother is someone that should only be seen and never heard... I totally get her embarrassment (and will respect her wishes)  Although, I'm still going to sing in the car .  I just hope that she still sings with me.

  And finally, P is for patience and persistence is for being pissed off(my dryer broke) and pleasantly surprised.  It is for pacing, pondering and porcelain...and as pleasing as much of it has been-I am ready for this P filled week to be over. I am going to go and enjoy my lovely new shower...perhaps I'll even sing.  I hope that Lily hears me. That would be Perfect.


Kim Wombles said...

Hee, love this post. Especially love the picture in my mind of you singing at the brownie meeting. Would have loved to have been there. :)

Daniel "Captain" Kirk said...

Ah, yes, the bathroom conversation. We have that one several times a day. And my answer takes GL by surprise every time. I'm so crafty!

Looking for Blue Sky said...

So Pleased that your Plumbing Project is now Perfectly....oops now I've run out of P words. Seriously though, am delighted that you finally got a second bathroom become the Herd all become teenagers xx

Lizbeth said...

You forgot all the Ponies and the littlest Pet shop in your P adventure. Your welcome.

And to have a second bathroom is bliss. Just bliss. To have kids stalk you like my mother, well I don't know how to solve that. Let me know if you figure that one out. I'd Pay for that!!!

Anonymous said...

Love this post. Glad the bathroom is finished. Sorry about the dryer. If you had sang at my cadet meetings, maybe I would have actually gone. :)

I am so glad you are writing again.

Love, Ei

jazzygal said...

Hahahaha!! This was a Particularly Phunny (gettit??!!) Post! Loved it, your new bathroom and your hijacking of the rehearsal...I SO would have done that too!!

xx Jazzy

kathleen said...

@Kwombles-had you been there?..hee..what a time we would have had!
@papabear-heehee...Oh so crafty!
@bluesky-thanks! I am Profoundly tickled Pink!
@Lizbeth-heehee you made coffee come out my nose...ummmm...thank you? Your mom...well-she is interesting isn't she?
@anonymous-yeah right! Nothing could have kept you from setting a bad example for your very innocent wonderful little sister...:)
@Jazzy-I think that we would have loads of fun should we ever meet. :)

Accidental Expert said...

Too funny. Yes, we've had the same bathroom conversation many a time. I too have a podiatrist and I'm pretty sure I recognized a pair of my shoes in your doctor's cabinet. God, I'm getting old.

Stephanie said...

Lovely Ps all around!

Keep the shower...the car...the house...(beware of the garage)...and to the little Pets, too. Maybe you can lull them to sleep?

Patty O. said...

I can't wait to start embarrassing my kids. They so deserve it!