Finding the joy...one clap at a time..

"I have found such joy in simple things.." from the poem by Grace Noll Crowell

  Someone told me this morning that they thought that there were more horrible things than good in the world. Wow. That really threw me. .Because, that's one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard..and I have heard some crazy things..I mean I do live with four kids, three dogs, a cat and a very patient husband.   Oh sure, I can name a litany of horrible things..war, crime ,greed, pollution .All of them- big things..terrible things...awful things  Don't get me wrong..I don't trivialize them.. But come on-is that all there really is?    And yeah, we all have had bad days..we've all had bad things happen to us..seen awful things.Some people more than others.   But if day after day the only thing you focus on is the horrible...well then maybe you are standing in the wrong place...looking in the wrong direction. Hanging with the wrong crowd . Because there is so much good out there..so much joy. The problem is...that it is up to us to find it and some people...sigh... have simply forgotten how to look.   I blame the lack of applause.

    Think about it.  As a small child everything you did from taking your first step to using the potty has not only been met with happiness but with clapping and boisterous approval.   Now imagine finding that same sort of approval in your day to day life as an adult .What a huge difference it would make!. You wake up one morning running late, your car breaks down..you get caught in the rain..and still you manage to make it in to work.  Wouldn't it be wonderful if you were greeted with applause for having done so?  I know I'd be thrilled if people clapped because I had gotten the laundry folded and put away. Don't you think it would be great? I really believe that we need to bring clapping back.No longer should it be only for children, athletes or celebrities  We could organize..have rallies..make signs..chant... "Bring back the clap!  Bring back the clap!" I do believe it could make a difference.

  But I'm getting carried away. I look at it this way-I have four incredible children..three of which are on the spectrum.  They work so very hard at learning the skills they will need to navigate this very confusing world-and they do this simply because I ask them to. How could I in good conscience ask them to work so hard if I did not think that it was worth it?  If I thought the world in which I brought them was mostly horrible?  What would be the point?   

  There is so much good and beauty and joy in this world.   And although, it might not make the headlines..or be the top story in the evening news.. it is there.  You just need to know how to look for it, and where to look. That the little things do add up... I guess it's all in perspective. But I think that a little more clapping and a lot less booing could make a big difference. Now, I am going to go finish the six loads of laundry that need doing . Please...don't hold your applause.

circular conversations and classifieds..

"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones

who will choose your rest home"

Phyllis Diller

FOR SALE: Mother. Well groomed LIGHTLY wrinkled older model, slightly used. Very experienced. Skilled at multi-tasking. Can cook, clean, shop, assist with homework, do laundry, unclog and repair any toilet, make beds, make appointments and miraculously remove peanut butter, yogurt, and "other" things from carpet, walls and windows. Educated and well read. Can recite from memory the major works of Eric Carl, Judy Schachner and Dr. Seuss. Would do best in a quiet home. Current owners are sadly UNABLE to appreciate this model. Call now! No reasonable offer refused!

Sigh...sometimes your kids..sometimes they just wear you out. You know?





"Lily?..Can you please go pick up the stuffed animals that are all over the playroom floor?"

"Why? I didn't do it."

"I know you didn't, I did. I was looking for something in the toy box."

"Well, it's your mess. You clean it up!"

"Mama?"..

"Hold on a minute Sammy.. Excuse me? I'm asking you for some help...SIGH!"

"Well I didn't do it. You have to clean up your own mess."

"Mama!!..MMMMAAAAMMMAAA!"

"Sammy-hold up a sec buddy.. Lil, I was just upstairs cleaning up the mess YOU made in your room, then I did the laundry-yours included, now I'm making brownies for everyone. My hands are kind of full at the moment. I see no reason why you couldn't help me!"

"You were supposed to remind me to practice trombone"

"What? Tromb..Sammy! hold on a second

"Well you have to do those things...that's your job."

"No Lil, I don't. I could send you to school in dirty clothes, I don't HAVE to bake desserts for you..my mother only let us have apples..apples Lil! For dessert! Is that what you want? I didn't have to clean up your room...I did it because I was there and it didn't bother me to..so I am now asking you to help me. It is five stuffed animals. The dogs will eat them if they are on the floor. So could you PLEASE go and pick them up for me??"

" I can't, my legs are tired."

"Mama..why didn't you remind me!"

" Sam! ...Fine. Then I am too tired to make you dinner..and no dinner-no brownies."

"ALRIGHT! I'll clean them up..sheesh!"

"Thank you...now what about the trombone?"

"You didn't remind me to practice."

"But..go practice..why are you reminding me to remind you..Oscar what are you doing?"

"Because you are supposed to remind me."

"I'm looking for Willy"

"Wait..Sammy that makes no sense..where is Willy, Oscar?"

"It is your job to remind me to practice"

"Lost lost lost...Willy is lost he's gone...oh where oh where is Willy!"

"No Sam..we talked about this...you need to take some responsibility for practicing...remember the contract..oh come on Sammy, don't cry"

"Gone gone gone...Willie is dead..flushed down the toilet.."

"Oh Sammy.. if it makes you feel.. Crap! Oscar did you flush willie?!! Sammy please just..come here buddy..please stop crying...Oscar!

"Can I have a hug?"

"Say "where oh where is Willy" mama...SAY IT!"

"Sammy of course..um..Oscar..DID YOU FLUSH WILLIE??"

"Hahahahahahah! NO! I was just joking! where oh where is willy?..hahahahaha!"

"Mama?... you are starting to look like an old person..you have old people lines.."

"Mama you DO look old...is your face supposed to do that?"

"Do what??? What is my face doing?!..Oscar toilet jokes are not funny"

"Don't worry Mama, we still love you"

"O.K.... WWWiiiilly WWiiiilly! say it mama!..Say "Where oh where is WWWiiiiilly?"

" Where oh where is WWii...So you're NOT going to love me when I get really old and wrinkly?"

"WRINKLY!..hahahaha...Mama YOU'RE wrinkly..hahaha!"

"I'll always love you Mama..even when you're all worn out"

"I'm all worn out NOW!!..Oscar..I'm not that wrinkly...?"

" Mama...where are you going?"

" Somewhere me and my wrinkles appreciated.."

"You are going to sit with the dogs?"

"They at least appreciate me..they don't care that I'm old..as long as I feed them, they are happy-they don't need anything else..maybe a pat..a rub on the belly.."

"We appreciate you Mama."

"Even though I'm wrinkly.."

"Yeah...we appreciate you mama AND your wrinkles....what does appreciate mean?"

"It means that you acknowledge the good things that I do for you and you are thankful."

"Oh. Does that mean I still have to clean up the playroom?"

"Mama wants us to rub her belly..hahahahaha!"

"No I don't Oscar you goon...it would just be nice if you guys would helped me out now and again..do some things without me having to ask you fifty million times..clear the table..carry up your laundry..keep the play room clean..simple things..you know?Lil, you still need to clean up the playroom."

"But that's your job."

sigh.

To EEEE or not to EEEE

"The littlest birds sing the prettiest songs"
The be good Tanya's

Two of my herd came downstairs today wearing shorts and tank tops. It is thirty degrees outside. We have already had our first freeze...sigh...I am still waiting for summer. It seems like we have had mostly rain and chilly weather since the middle of June. I was hoping for a warm fall. Needless to say, we have been mostly stuck inside the house. It isn't that bad..if you like hearing the theme song to "My little Pony" played over and over again on the computer..and the not so dulcimer tones of the trombone being practiced. Yes, this year instead of singing in the concert choir, Sammy has elected to play the trombone.

You very well may wonder as I do, what possessed my boy to choose the trombone. We listen to all kinds of music in our home. I try to expose them to all kinds of sounds and styles..from Rock to Punk..to Jazz and classical..swing and Ska. There is nothing though that features the trombone. No "Greatest Trombone melodies" or "Romance of the trombone". It is just one of those instruments that you know is there, but you don't really pay attention to. I asked Sammy, "Why the trombone buddy?" he responded.."Because the tuba would look weird." O.K... What else could I do but support him.

The music teacher was not so encouraging. I received a call from her, where she expressed her concerns about Sammy learning an instrument. She didn't feel that he had the patience or the inclination for formal music lessons. Sigh...I had this same discussion with her last year when he wanted to sing in the concert choir. He auditioned and got in-but the music teacher felt he might not be able to handle group singing. Not only did he handle it-he excelled. I reminded her of this. She brought up his trouble with playing the recorder. I said that Sammy, because of his fine motor difficulties, had trouble with the fingering required..that he really had no interest in the recorder and that he only played it because it was required for the class. That furthermore, other children were being rewarded with " colored strings" for their mastery of the recorder, and this made Sam incredibly anxious..She countered with.."Playing an instrument is a commitment-he didn't stick with concert choir"..In which I replied " He didn't like the music you chose for them to perform...that songs like "Farmer Jon's nappy knickers" just didn't inspire Sammy (or anyone else) to sing. That he was more interested in working in contemporary (meaning from at least the last 50 years) music. I was met with silence..Ha HA! I won! My prize? A free loaner trombone that the school had.

We picked up his trombone last Tuesday. I drove over to the school with both of my boys. Oscar came along for the ride, because he loves school-and has expressed his desire to live there. I happened to glance over at Oscar as I was standing in line to buy the various trumpet accessories(book, music stand, cleaner, sedatives for me...) He was sitting off by himself just stimming away. Very tight arm movements and grimacing. I called over to him"Hey Bud, you o.k.?" He stims sometimes when he is overwhelmed. "I'm o.k. mama." "Your shaking a whole lot, I'm just checking" "I'm o.k. mama." This time, I noticed other people staring at him..I thought about what they were seeing. I'm sure that to them, Oscar looked really odd. I had never looked at him with an outsiders eyes before. We have always felt that his flapping and eeeing were something that he needed to do. We have talked to him about controlling it when he was in the classroom, we have explained that it could be very distracting to other people and that he had to respect that. At home however, his flapping and eeeeing are just part of the background noise. It is home. The place where he should feel safe, secure and confident. We are very open about stimming with Oscar. We have told him that people may or may not understand it, that they might think that he was somehow less because of it. But he is eight years old. How much of that is really relevant to him now? Yes, I want to change how the world perceives people like my kids. But I don't want to use my kids as props to do that. They are just kids-it is not their responsibility. It is giving me a lot to think about lately. I don't have any answers. I think we'll just take it one day at a time. Like the trumpet, or Zoe's obsession with online poker.

Although Sammy hasn't yet had a trombone lesson, he has already figured out how to put it together and how to blow into it. So far, it sounds like our dog Charlie does after he has eaten Italian food. Only the odor is missing. So our home has added one more noise to the already cacophonous symphony that is my family. At least for the most part they are happy noises..I can handle that....sigh... Only 150 days till spring.

procrastination makes a house a home

This month marks the fourth year that we have lived in this house. This is the longest I have lived anywhere in thirty years. I can't help it. I have itchy feet...I love to move, to start over, I crave change. Having four kids has put a bit of a damper on all of that. Especially when those kids abhor change of any kind. If it were up to them, we would live in this house forever. Until the end of time. Unfortunately or fortunately, depending on how you look at it..the middle school and high school in this town are not very good. As this is Sammy's last year of elementary school..it appears that we will be moving next summer. That is if we can sell our house.


My house is a pretty New Englander from the outside. On the inside is a very different story. It was built in 1881, we are the third set of owners to inhabit it. Unfortunately, the last owner decided to "remodel" the inside of the house. Who knew there was such a style as "70's Slaughter House" Beautiful tin ceilings covered with drop down panels...and not just any old panels-asbestos panels..with the added allure of Styrofoam faux beams. Not only that-these lovely nine foot ceilings were dropped down to five and a half feet. With yards of electrical wires thrown lovingly behind them-live of course. All of the walls were dramatically covered with brown paneling, and a lovely matching wall to wall carpet covered the entire first floor-kitchen and bath included! Add the marbelesque red vinyl counter tops, and you have the house that crazy decorated.


We have done much to restore it to its original beauty. We did tear out the kitchen-much to Sammy's horror. He thought it was lovely-to which I responded "I saved it all for you in the garage..you can have it for your own home one day" Sadly, this made him happy. We removed the carpeting, and painted the paneling..we restored the tin ceilings..and then we just stopped.


Sigh...this always happens. We start off with the best intentions. We see the potential, and can't wait to get started. We plan and scheme, design and dream. We are avid do it yourselfers. Only because we can't afford to have anyone else do it. Otherwise we would be avid contractor hirers.



We have this strange pattern that we follow. We buy a cheap old house (this is our third) with the idea that we will fix it up, sell it, and make enough of a profit to buy a nice house that doesn't need any work. Doesn't seem to be working for us. Not at all.



Every year, Omar gets three weeks worth of vacation time. Every year we plan out each week in great detail. What projects we are going to undertake, what supplies are needed, what we plan to accomplish each day.This happens to have been one of those weeks.



We planned to finally fix the roof, look for an electrician, repaint the dining room and kitchen, install a dishwasher, and make plans for a second bathroom. So far we have had weekend guests, gone to the zoo, an amusement park, the beach, and played in the pool. It is Friday and Omar goes back to work on Monday. Oh well, he does have one more week in October.



I guess it is just a matter of priorities, or procrastination...or a little of both. Right now, our kids need us more. And really, what would you rather do-paint walls or be attacked by goats at the zoo? Yes, I did sustain a minor goat injury at the petting zoo-but that's a story for another day.

The point is, our kids don't notice all the work that needs to be done. Right now, a second bathroom isn't as important to them as spending time with us as a family. I certainly can't complain-I'm just happy that everyone finally uses the bathroom! To them, just being together-laughing, playing, enjoying each others company is what makes our house-home. Regardless of the ugly paneling.



I don't know what adolescence is going to bring, or what the future holds for any of our kids. I do know this-all that we have is this one moment-this brief slice of time...and I'm going to make the most of it. Relish every second. .. leaky roof and all! Because in this one moment-my kids know that they are loved-unconditionally-without question. They know they are home.



Omar and I will get it together as we always do. This is the way it always plays out. We finally finish the house-just in time to sell it. Never really having a chance to enjoy it in all its glory. That's o.k., because as long as we're together we'll always be home.



The other night, I found Omar hanging a toilet paper roll. Something that has needed to be done since we moved in. I laughed and said "I guess we are really going to be moving" he just looked at me-knowingly and said "I guess so". I can't wait!