Mothersville...

~"If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you..."~ Robert Plant

    It has been sixteen years since I celebrated my first mothers day.  Sixteen (sometimes very long) years and four kids later-here I am, still standing. Sometimes I feel like a superhero-able to leap piles of laundry to unclog an overflowing toilet while helping with Spanish homework and simultaneously short order cooking for four kids- IN A SINGLE BOUND..other times I feel like a dried out husk slowly withering away in the wind...while leaping piles of laundry etc. etc. etc. It depends on the day.  Most of the time though-I feel pretty average..Like any other mother. Or at least I think I am..when I actually take the time to think about it

  Sometimes I wonder about my mothering skills...Of course I love my kids-adore them..they hang the moon..That's a given.  There is nothing that I would not do for them. But there are times..like-when I'm standing in the middle of the living room, ankle deep in toys and papers and all kinds of...kid crap...that I just...I don't want to do it anymore..I don't want to clean up, cook dinner, unclog the toilet (something I do at least twice a week), feed the dog, pay the bills, do the laundry....empty the dishwasher..make the coffee!  I do these things every single day-day in and out and I am bored! Bored I tell you!  But I do it anyway-because these things need to get done..Most of the time, I don't resent it...but then mothers day rolls around..

  Mothers day-that one day of the year  where mothers everywhere are told just how much they are appreciated.  There are cards and gifts-sentiments and meme's. "Mom-you are always there for me"- "Thanks for everything that you do!"..or-one of my favorites "My mom is my best friend!"..Let me tell you something-best friends don't stuff their dirty socks in  the couch..refuse to eat what their "pal" cooked for them..or fight with their siblings right outside their "B.F.F.'s" door at six a.m. *sigh* 

I don't want a day..I don't want a sentiment..I want a year! Or better yet-a town.  I'd call it "Mothersville"..and only mothers would be allowed inside. It would be a lovely place..all clean and organized. Everyone would know where their shoes were..and everyone would eat what was on their plate, The bathrooms would be plentiful..and private..with only clean towels, tubs and endless hot water. You could unwrap candy publicly!  Oh the freedom! 

It is a wonderful dream...and one I occasionally fantasize about...until I realize that it describes my life before kids. Before I had to think about anyone other than myself..Damn-but those were good times. I'm glad that I had them. Especially now that I am a mother. Sometimes, especially when I long for my old life, I need to remember that motherhood isn't all about the doing...sometimes it is just about the being. Being wanted, being needed and being loved-oh so loved..My children have taught me what unconditional means. Sometimes it's a burden. But mostly it is joy.

So, this mothers day I'll open all the wonderful hand made cards and drawings from the herd,,revel in the five minutes of peace this will give me, plant some flowers and maybe even eat a candy bar or two (or three) very quietly...after which I'll probably dig a few socks out of the couch...

Happy mothers day to all the mothers out there...

  

Letting them eat cake..

"Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going" -Phyllis Diller

I admit it..during the school week at around 3:30..about a half hour after the kids are home from school, I start counting the hours until the girls go to bed. On the weekend, the countdown starts even earlier...like around 6:00 a.m. sometimes earlier..it depends upon when they wake up. I love my daughters, I do. Separately, they are wonderful, sweet, loving little girls. But together? Lets put it this way-when George W. Bush spoke of the "Axis of evil", I thought he meant my girls.

"Mama!!!!!!" "Yes Lil?" "Mama!!!!!! Zoe took the toy I was playing with and I want it back!" "Zoe! give Lily her toy back!" "Mama!! make her give it back! I want it back!! I want it back now!! I was playing with it first and Zoe just grabbed it out of my hands and she won't give it back and I want it!!" By now the tears are falling down her cheeks...right behind her, where she can't see, Zoe is doing a sort of Irish jig, holding the toy, grinning and dancing...two steps to the right then two steps to the left....and Lily is totally unaware of it. Even I admit, it is very very funny. But I can't let her know it. "Zoe! Give her that back right now or you will NEVER have dessert again!" sigh...Sometimes it works...most of the time it doesn't. I usually have to physically remove the toy from Zoe and hand it back to Lily. Which in turn causes Zoe to cry, and Lily to play exuberantly with said toy in front of Zoe. As if it is the greatest toy in the world. This cycle can repeat itself for hours. So you can understand my countdown till bedtime-can't you?

They DO love each other. Lily takes her role of big sister very seriously. She has taught Zoe her letters and numbers..she even potty trained her! I take no credit for that..in fact, Zoe was the youngest to potty train out of all my kids. She adores Lily and wants to do everything she does. When they get along it is magical. (and occasionally quiet) sometimes it is...well...interesting. They love to sing...at the top of their lungs..slightly off key..did I mention at the top of their lungs? Yes, I have been serenaded at 5:00 in the morning by what sounds like Kate Smith and Ethel Merman singing "My Little Ponies" greatest hits. Interesting way to wake up-that's for sure. Although my favorite "wake-up call" was they time they stumbled into my bedroom weeping and wailing, clinging to each other. It was quite the production. Oscar worthy in fact. "MAAAAMAAA! uhuhuhuh..MAAAMAAAA..ahhhhwaaaa" "What! Who's hurt!! Where??" I am frantically looking for cuts..bruises..gushing wounds.."WE'RE SORRY MAMA" "What.!!.What happened??!" I'm thinking the worst..they let the dogs out..or set the kitchen on fire..broke something..they were THAT upset.."We..We..hiccup..We...ATE CAKE BY ACCIDENT!! WAAAAAAAaaaaa!" "You What?!' "We're sorry Mama..it was on the table and we ate it by accident..sniffle.." "You come up here at 5:00 in the morning to tell me you ate cake by accident...what does that mean?...Did the cake jump into your mouth?" "No!! it was on the table and we couldn't help it..and then we were afraid you would be angry..." SIGH...."It is really really early in the morning...the birds haven't even woken up...why don't you go back to bed and we'll talk about it later...like at 11:00..after I have had a gallon of coffee...o.k.?" "So your not mad?" "...not if you go back to bed..." "o.k....Mama?...we love you.." Sigh..how could I be mad? I too have had many such "accidents" with cake...and candy...and ice-cream....like mother like daughters..

I suppose that I can't complain too much. I try to keep things in perspective. I figure that one day they these sometimes difficult little girls will grow into strong women.. At least that's what I keep telling myself. It has become a sort of mantra..especially since I found out that "Goodwiill" and the "Salvation Army" don't accept donations of children. I'll just take it one day at a time..or one hour at a time...whatever works best. As long as there is cake, we should be o.k.

Happy Mother's Day everyone. Only 35 minutes until bedtime....