The very bumpy road to quiet...

   

~"Trouble..oh, trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble..Feels like every time I get back on my feet, she comes around and knock me down again.."~ Ray Lamontagne

 I think that this, in many ways has been our hardest year yet. Holy crap-it has just been one thing after another-and I am starting to feel a little bit
    pessimistic...loopy..out of my head...strained if you will.. It feels like we have been living under a ginormous cloud of doom and damnation. Really, there is no other apt description.  Times like this...well, honestly, there haven't been any other times like this...But, in difficult situations, I try and evaluate things..try and figure out what exactly the universe is screaming telling us.What can we change?  What can we do differently-or better? What can I find that is positive..I look hard for the positive..I do..really!

  Back in June, when Omar lost his job..we thought.."HOLY CRAP! OH NO! WTF ARE WE GOING TO DO?!  Gosh! Lets look at this as an opportunity!" We had known for a while that he had wanted to do something else..that change might be a good thing.  We had thought about it a lot.  But- thinking isn't doing.  His job had paid very well..and we were comfortable with that.  We reasoned that his job loss was the universe giving us the kick forward that we needed-making us change things. I mean really, there is nothing quite like losing your job, your benefits, and your stock options to make one reassess their situation!  ...So, change we did-or so we imagined...Omar, after careful deliberation, took a job offer. It was a step away from what he had been doing. It was the same line of work-only different..and we had thought-better. In some ways it has been. In others?  Lets just say it has been crazy nonsensical an *cough* adventure..oh what a time we have had! AND  here we are..*gulp* once again thinking "Something HAS to freaking change!

  I'm starting to think that maybe it's me.  Maybe I'm the one the universe is yelling at.  Maybe I'm the one who should be looking to change how I have been doing things..The problem is-what do I do?

  My dad, in loving moments-used to look at me and say "Kid? You have no skills." He was right!  I don't! Really and truly-I have absolutely no marketable skills. I have a degree in theater for goodness sake! While I do consider myself to have been quite good (it's been a few years since I've performed) I don't see a profitable future in monologues...or in dressing up as giant costumed characters-at least not in Maine. Some people have suggested that I write a book. Which is a lovely ego boost (I must admit)....and, I have had a few stories published-for actual money..But honestly? What in the world would I write an entire book about?  Autism? Ick-don't we already have enough of those? "A mother struggles (with great depth and emotion-none of which I have) to understand..a child-who, against all odds- succeeds..they walk off (lots of tears streaming down the mothers face) into the sunset" Blechhh... As for my life...sadly, it just isn't that interesting.  Don't get me wrong!  My life is quite wonderful..but-To write a book-you need to be fascinating-quirky..to have struggles and a dark history or a sordid past..disease helps.  Me?  I've got nothing...I can just imagine the title "Mediocre-a mothers quest to vacuum the living room"..or "Laundry-a mothers journey towards folding and putting away." You couldn't even make a Lifetime movie out of it...which is what happens to all books of that variety..Can you understand my predicament?  I'm just not all that interesting!

 So... I've been looking at other options. I don't want to go back to school..I'm going to be fifty this year, and am pretty much as "higher educated" as I am going to be. Besides, I just don't have the attention span to sit through classes..Although...I have received a couple of (unsolicited) offers for job training that have spurred my interest.  I must admit that I am kind of intrigued by the  "Train at home to be a funeral director" catalog.  Yes, there is a  part of me that wants to look into that.  How does one train at home? The pamphlet says that they supply textbooks(Somber 101?) and..learning aids...Learning aids? What could they possibly be? Can you mail a cadaver...or do you have to supply your own? More importantly, after finishing the course-can you work from home?

  We are finally finally finally at the beginning of the end of a very long, very cold, very stressful winter. I would really like it if things would calm down for a bit. Give us a moment to catch our breath..check in on my kids (who, really need so much more of my attention than I have been giving them)..maybe hang out with my chickens...drink some coffee...stare out the window. I would really enjoy a few weeks of unfettered life...A little peace, a lot of calm...and a whole bunch of quiet. Oh..peace and quiet..what a joy that would be! But how do I get that?....Hmmmm.... Maybe funeral directing wouldn't be such a bad choice after all..I might even be able to write a book about it."Kathleen Leopold-Funeral Director".or-"A woman and her corpse".."A mothers adventure in embalming?"..The possibilities are endless.....

Birds, Bee's and Labels....and the police

                   ~"Until the day is night and night becomes the day---ALWAYS  
                       Until the trees and seas just up and fly away---ALWAYS 
                       Until the day that 8x8x8 is 4---ALWAYS 
                       Until the day that is the day that are no more 
                       Did you know that you're loved by somebody? 
                       Until the day the earth starts turning right to left---ALWAYS 
                       Until the earth just for the sun denies itself 
                       I'll be loving you forever"~ Stevie Wonder-AS






  

 I've never met someone as comfortable in their own skin as Oscar..someone who I sometimes think was born skinless.  Every sight, every sound, smell...touch...He felt it all and all at once. His early years weren't easy-it wasn't easy being him. Not at all.  Yet despite all of these struggles- here he is at thirteen-confident, loving-JOYFUL. He's really one of the best people that I know.

  Right now, he's a bit anxious about growing up. The realization that he is one day going to be an adult is worrying him.  Me too.  But..for different reasons. He likes life the way that it is. Who wouldn't? He's fed, clothed..he has an unlimited supply of YouTube videos to watch.  The idea of any of that changing bothers him. I on the other hand-worry about how the world is going to treat him. He's a great person-but, will people take the time to recognize that? Or..will they just see his stimming..judge him by his interesting language..label him? The thought of that really bothers me. But then-I look at him..at who he is...and I realize...Oscar doesn't give a crap.  He really doesn't. He is who he is-no excuses..no apologies.  He is comfortable in being himself-and he isn't going to spend time worrying about what other people think. He knows he's a good person..and really, isn't that all that counts?  He will make his own label. I need to trust that.

  So, now have two teenagers...and two girls who sometimes think that they are thirty five. It certainly makes for some interesting times at Chez Herd.  Interesting indeed! For the most part, it is kind of fun.  I am definitely not one of those parents that mourns babyhood. No, I think that I would prefer children to be born potty trained and with the inherent knowledge of where they had left their shoes. To me-puberty, growing up..they are all signs that one day I will be able to use the bathroom uninterrupted. Sure we have had some bumps along the way..my boys are spreading their wings..and sometimes they eat and mumble more than they talk(usually at the same time) But, that's just part of the age. We'll ride it through....Or at least try..I have to admit, their have been a couple of things that have left me...wondering.

  Today, one of my kids came home VERY UPSET. "I had a HORRIBLE day at school!".."Why?  What happened?" "I..*gulp* FAILED PUBERTY!"  "WHAT?!"  "*sob* I failed the puberty test!"  "What do you mean-you failed the puberty test-what kind of test??"  "It means I got the questions wrong!" .."And?".."It means I failed puberty!" " *sputter* What do you mean -you failed puberty? " "I don't know I just failed!".."So...what?-you're not allowed to grow breasts now?  Quick!  Alert the puberty police! There will be no changes happening until you pass your test! ?..Really?." "*laughs*..No..I guess not..I just hate that stupid class..I KNOW what's going to happen..I thought I had answered the questions right.".."O.K...well...we have books-right?" "Right".."And we've talked about all the body stuff-right?"  "Right.".."And you know that I will always talk to you about ANY questions that you have...right?" "Right.".."And you know that your body is changing-like it or not-and that nothing is going to stop that...right?".."Right.".."So don't worry about it...because, no matter what-you CAN NOT fail puberty!"

  I understand the intention behind a class in puberty-I do. There are some families that don't discuss these things..either they aren't comfortable (like I am?) or they just don't bother. Kids need to know this stuff.  But, they are kids (10-11 year olds). Some of them (like mine) just aren't comfortable discussing these things at school. It isn't like I haven't taught them. I have had to.  During the baby years-my house was more a nudist colony (kids not me!) than anything else.  None of them really cared for clothes. Since I have both boys and girls-they noticed the differences early on.."Hey Mama! He's got an elephant trunk!"  Plus, I had my own interesting (read last post) upbringing..So I have made sure that they have known everything they should know..geared of course to their ages..There will be no puberty failure!

  Many years ago..back when the boys were babies (and the girls were just a twinkle) we lived in a house tucked in to the woods. I remember one very hot summer day, I had come home from the market overheated and sweaty...So,.after getting out of the car, I walked to our pool, took off my clothes and jumped in. It felt wonderful! As I was getting out of the pool..Omar teasingly said-"I hope our neighbors didn't see you-they might call the police!" I laughed it off and went in the house to get dressed...about ten minutes later, there was a knock on the door...It WAS the police! I FREAKED out! "How could anyone have seen me! We live in the middle of the woods!"..Omar opened the door and the officer said.."I'm just here making sure that your dogs are licensed.."..PSHEW! Talk about coincidence! Or close calls...Imagine if he had arrived ten minutes earlier?!  He might have been offended! He might have gotten an eyeful....or not...*sigh* He may have been forced to call the *sigh*...puberty police..

  Anyway-back to the beginning..Oscar is thirteen! We could not be prouder of the person that he is-of the adult that he is becoming. I now have two teenagers -AND two thirty five year old little girls...it's an adventure for sure, but we are enjoying the ride...while anxiously awaiting the day that I can take a shower without someone knocking on the door.




 If you get a chance-give a listen to this song. I think it is so very beautiful-and totally expresses what we feel for our herd...enjoy..

I am woman hear me...cluck...

~"There is no such thing as a normal life.  There is only life."~

Anne Rice-The Wolves of Midwinter

 

 I just don"t understand why, but whenever I happen to mention that I have chickens, most people like to tell me how stupid they are. 

 "Oh, you have chickens?"  "Yes!  I love my chickens!" "They are so stupid!" "What do you mean? They're chickens."  "Yes, but chickens are stupid."  "As opposed to what-cows?"  Chickens are chickens...they do chicken things because that's what they are supposed to do. Which is basically, to walk around all day eating.  Honestly?  I kind of envy them lately. 

  Perhaps it's the weather..or maybe it's that three of my herd are going through different stages of  puberty-From "I DON'T want to learn about this weird stuff!" and "HEY MAMA! WHAT'S SEX?!" (at the supermarket) to monosyllabic grunts.  "Hey buddy-how was your day?".."...mumble.." I feel like I am floating adrift in a  constantly changing sea of hormonal waters.. NONE of which are my own!

  I had thought that it would be easier as they grew. That once they could find their own shoes and put themselves to bed-I could take a moment here and there...maybe use the bathroom uninterrupted ...you know, live a little...And for a while (10 minutes in 2012) it was.

  It isn't that they are awful-far from it. I really have a great bunch of kids.  It's just that they are all needing so much and all at the same time...that all I can do is slap band-aids on problems instead of helping them to work things out. I don't know who is more overwhelmed-me or them. I know that we will get through this-just as we have gotten through everything else so far.  With A LOT (like it or not) of conversations and laughter. I mean, puberty can be an awful time-so, you might as well laugh at as much of it as you can..except that I'm mostly laughing like...well, does anyone remember the movie version of Jane Eyre-with Orson Wells as Mr. Rochester? Remember Mrs. Rochester?  The unstable wife that he kept locked in the attic-who eventually sets the house on fire?  Well she had this laugh...

  It's so different from when I was a kid. I'm the youngest of six siblings-and as far as I know, none of us ever went through puberty.  It just was not done at my house. My mother was uncomfortable with anything below the neck and above the ankles-therefore that section of body( a.k.a.-the neck and ankle holder) was never discussed.  Everything I learned was from books and rumors...but mostly rumors. I must say, that I had some interesting ideas... You can imagine my surprise when I woke up one morning and noticed two protrusions coming out of my neck and ankle holder! 

   We are doing our best to be as open and honest as possible. Talking about body changes and feelings.  Reassuring them all that they are o.k. and that it's natural to feel uncertain and afraid.  Growing up..body changes-all of it is scary.  Knowing that you will one day be on your own-even scarier.   *sigh*  It's hard-I must admit. I worry for all of them-and for different reasons. Sam, WANTS and LONGS for so many things...Lily, she wears her heart on her sleeve...and Oscar? When we ask him how he is going to take care of himself as an adult he says "I'll be fine-my wife will take care of me."  So I sit there and listen to them...seemingly composed, trying to be calm and reassuring-understanding and informative ...but in reality I am wrestling with  Mrs. Rochester's laugh-trying not to let it escape.

  Right now, my chickens are outside...eating corn and just walking around.  I wonder if they can hear Zoe and Lily fighting...Oscar eeeeing..or my crazy cackle...I wonder if they think that we are the stupid ones? Probably not.  They seem to be content just being the chickens that they are...I kind of envy them..

.Application Perseveration...

~"We have a Bill of Rights.  What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities."~Bill Maher

   

 So...I spent my morning at the Department of Health and Human Services.. Located in a big dark brown(think poop) barn shaped building in our state capitol..it was apparently THE PLACE to be-especially if you are like us-finding out that your kids are uninsured! Yup-my kids at this moment do not have any health insurance. Why is that? Well...because the government believes that  my kids may need to be medically supported by my state. I am serious.  I am not allowed to place my children under our health insurance plan. Well, at least the insurance plan being offered to us with tax credits. Omar's new job does not come with benefits-and in order to keep with the new insurance law-we had to buy our own. We have no problem with this.  In fact, we were kind of excited about it. We had been paying a HUGE amount through COBRA...and we were looking forward to more affordable coverage. Which we got!  Well, at least Omar and myself. My kids? The ones who really need it-  that's a whole other story

  Now, we have always taken care of our kids.  Always. With the exception of getting services through the school system-we have paid for everything. Because we could. ..AND..because we could-we did. Some of my children have disabilities, because of that- we could ask for help from the state..i.e. medical/dental/behavioral, social security, etc. We could but we haven't. Simply because we feel that those programs should be there for people that NEED them and can not afford them.  We didn't need-we didn't ask..we don't want. We thought that we were doing the right thing, the responsible thing.  

  Back in December, when we signed up for insurance (I had been trying since October-logging on and filling out form after form-only to have the website erase it..until I finally wised up and did the application by phone)...the nice people on the government site said  "Your children may qualify for insurance through the state, therefore, you can not place them on yours-The state will contact you about it." (That's even in text-when I log on to my page on the site)...Except January came along and I hadn't heard anything.  So, I went to the nice people on the government website and said

 "The state hasn't contacted me-what do I do? More importantly-what if my kids get sick?"
"We sent your application over to the state-in the meantime, just give the doctor their social security number and it will show that they are covered." "But we don't know if they are covered." "The state will contact you and let you know."
 
  Somehow, call it sixth sense-that just didn't make me feel reassured..so I called the state...and after being on hold for 48 minutes-  Guess what? They have no idea who my kids are-they haven't received anything from the government site AND they said that giving out their social security number wouldn't prove anything-AND if I wanted coverage for my kids, I needed to come in and ..*sigh* fill out an application.

   So, I went back to the friendly people at the government website..and told them what the state said...and AGAIN asked what I should do if my kids gets sick! This time I was told about a free clinic-80 miles away. They also suggested that I go in to the state office and fill out the application to get my children approved. (you know-for the state benefits we haven't asked for) I said "I filled out an application with you!  You said you were sending it to the state because they might qualify-they said they have received-NOTHING! " "Well, we sent it. You should go in and fill out ANOTHER application." "But I just want to put them under our plan!"  "You can't do that-because they may qualify for the state funded plan." "But we don't want state funding!" "Well, you could file an application saying you don't want state aid-but it will take some time to be processed."  "But we don't even know if they qualify! "Then we suggest you go and fill out an application in person with the state."


 HOLY CRAP! Have I entered the Twilight Zone?  Is Rod Serling going to pop out from behind my sofa smoking a cigarette and talking about dimensions of applications and redundancy??!

 I decided to call the insurance "help line"...At that point-what did I have to lose besides my sanity? They said-"Oh the government doesn't really send much of anything to the state-you best go in and fill out the forms in person-you could do it on line...but if you want results-doing it in person will make it go faster."  "But what if one of my kids gets sick now?"  "Well, you could fill out an application with the state asking for your benefits to cover this time." "But we don't even know if they qualify!" "well, you will have to fill out an application to see if they do."

 I have officially and unwillingly landed in redundancy hell.  

  So....we went today- to the poop colored building...with about 100 other people( at the same exact time) and one receptionist....and we stood in a motionless line. I did not want to be there. The other people looked as if they did not want to be there...and the state workers?  They didn't seem to want to be there either..because after forty minutes or so, it was announced by the one receptionist "We only have four staff members here today..so you might want to just go home and fill out an application on line." I ran out the door.

  Omar says that we should go back first thing on Monday morning. Me? Well, I'm thinking that private insurance may just be the way to go.  We might not get tax credit for it, it might cost us a small fortune each month-but my kids health needs will be covered...and really-whats one more application? 

Winter of my discontent...

~"There's one good thing about snow, it makes your lawn look as nice as your neighbors."~

Clyde Moore

So..we came to the end of our Christmas holiday. Well we were supposed to yesterday..but things didn't work out as planned..Let me back up a little.  Two weeks ago, I wrote a post about wanting "Mike Holmes" for Christmas. It was mostly in jest. I mean, we certainly have had many many...*sigh* many contracting adventures..but,we are a lot better off than most.  Although I do believe that our very special stories of contractor hi-jinx and full off the wall shenanigans coupled with Omar's use of a steak knife as a multi-purpose tool would make for excellent television! Regardless-Mike Holmes was not waiting under our tree when we awoke on Christmas morning. Which was o.k.-as there were more important things to be had. 

  Heat and electricity. Two days before Christmas, we had a major ice storm.  Major. Most of my town, much of my state,  had lost their electricity for days...Everything was coated in ice...causing tree limbs to break and knock power lines down.  The trees were so bent over by ice that they looked as if they were swooning...or throwing up-depending on your perspective. We got through it...until the next storm..

   

Yes, just a day or so later (I've been stuck inside with four kids-so my sense of time is skewed) we had a major snow storm...again knocking out peoples power. (although not as bad as the ice storm) Leaving two feet of now over the already ice and snow covered ground. But we had a little bit of a warm spell right after-I think that it was 12 degrees..and I was able to have the boys shovel off the deck. Too much snow can make it collapse. I was also able to quickly run to the market and stock up on some much needed supplies.( Goldfish, milk and pizza.)

The kids were supposed to start back to school yesterday...*sigh* but I knew better.  I kept them home because..ANOTHER storm was coming! Yup-we got blasted with a HUGE blizzard like storm yesterday through this morning. I was smart in not waking the kids in order to bundle them into layers (it was -4) and send them into school because they would have turned around and come back home again.  School let out early..and was closed today.  So...because of the weather...I have spent the most part of two weeks INSIDE  the house...with four kids...three geriatric dogs..a couple of cats..and my anxiety.

 Normally, I'm a pretty happy go lucky kind of mom. I don't sweat the small stuff. I have lived and survived a major power outage (14 hours, Omar out of town, dog almost eating my chicken) But this time? I don't know...maybe it is the fact that the power line going into the house is encased in an icy pine branch-so that every time the wind blows-the power flickers. I swear it's taunting me!...(maybe I'll go off..yes, that's a good idea-long flicker-changed my mind! hahahahahaha)  Or that my furnace is very old...and it is having a terribly tough time keeping the house warm? Or that there is actual wind blowing in through all of  the electrical outlets...and every other crack (of which there are many) that it can find? That if the power goes out-we also lose heat and it is going to be -15 tonight?  I am pacing and anxious-just waiting for the worst to happen. I would have been an awful pioneer!  Do you remember that t.v. show- Little House on the Prairie? I can just imagine myself..."Pa?  do we have enough wood?" "Pa? are you sure that buffalo is cooked?"  "Pa? Those wolves look hungry-should we feed them Mary?" "Pa?  Why are you aiming your rifle at me?"  I never would have survived.

  It's supposed to be a balmy 18 degrees tomorrow. I am hoping that this heat wave will take away some of my anxiety...Not to give the wrong impression!  I do like Winter! I love snow and sledding..and enjoying the beauty of it all.  I wouldn't live here if I didn't. But I am growing weary of the abnormal cold and the never ending storm systems..of being stuck inside the house..and of THAT particular pine branch. I am very much looking forward to getting back into our routine of things...and to the kids getting back to school...or Spring.  whichever comes first.

Storm...

~"I think she is growing up, and so begins to dream dreams, and have hopes and fears and fidgets, without knowing why or being able to explain them"~ Louisa May Alcott, Little Women

"Mama?" I can read minds you know"..Oscar announced the other day "I know what you're thinking." "Oh really" I said."Yes-you are thinking that you want me to be in the world more." He looked so sad. "No, I'm actually thinking that I bought you new snow pants today..but yeah, I guess that I do want you in the world more..I need to know that you can take care of yourself when you are an adult." Being the master conversation changer that he is, he announced "I'm a misfit!" To which I replied."Nobody wants a Charlie in the box!" -.figuring that  this was just Oscar playing the game we usually play-quoting movie lines.(this time Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.) "No", he said, placing his hand on my arm.."I really am a misfit." I just looked at him...I mean, what do you say to that? "It's o.k. because misfit just means that I am different." He was so earnest. "It is o.k. to be different." he added-as if to reassure me. "Yes, it is o.k. to be different-wonderful even...but it's hard too." "I know." The clarity of that moment screamed to me as to just how aware of the world that he is. This is his truth.

  It has not been an easy year for my boy. Puberty and all it's funky hormonal changes has reared it's ugly ugly head-and I think that for the first time ever-Oscar has begun to realize that he is indeed, like it or not, growing up.  That he will one day be an adult... Part of him hates the thought of any kind of change-but another part sees all the changes going on around him.  His brother Sam, two years older is chomping at the bit-longing to leave home..he wants to do so much-he talks of all of his plans and the adventures waiting to be had. And Lily-just two years younger..clings to her childhood..while tentatively taking baby steps into young woman hood. He is caught in the middle-and he does not know what to do with himself. Part of him accepts the change-but a bigger part wants things to remain the same. He is restless and melancholy..not fitting in his skin- a storm waiting to happen. 

  I was talking to a good friend about him over Thanksgiving-and she said "I worry that he will be lonely." Oh how that pierced my heart. My boy-who is so much more than anyone knows-or can know-or takes the time to know..a person who just wants to make people laugh..whose self proclaimed talent is "watching YouTube videos" This great being-so filled with compassion and empathy for others...that he might one day be lonely-breaks me. It tears me into a million pieces. But then I wonder-is my definition of lonely- Oscars definition? Is what he needs-and what I think that he needs- two entirely different things?

   I look at this almost young man of mine-who is so very capable,( but many times simply chooses not to be-and gets away with it because of the nature of his disability) and I wonder.  Yes, he can read, he can do math...but finds reliving videos in his head much more entertaining. And really, can you blame him?  Multiplication or YouTube Poops? What would you find more interesting? I don't know what to do-or how to help him. Do I trust that he will get to where he needs to go in his own time?  Or do I fret and worry that if we continue along this path-he is destined to a lonely life? Sometimes I hate being a parent. I have raised him (all of my kids actually) to be who he is-and yet, sometimes I spend too much time internally worrying about who he is not. It's maddening! I have to let go and trust in him-even as he tenaciously holds on to the world in his head.(because it is less frightening than the world out of it). How do I make the world outside of his head more palatable? How do I make him understand that there are things he needs to be able to do in order to live independently (as possible) while at the same time preserving the beauty that is him?

  Sometimes I really do wish that Oscar could read my mind. If only so that it would reassure him that I think he's wonderful.That he is enough  Deep down, I think that I know that he will be o.k....sigh...  We just need to get him over..through..around this puberty hurdle...let him settle, in his own way and time into becoming who he is...and in the meantime- do some detailed research into careers in YouTube viewing.  

I'll be (wanting Mike) Holmes for Christmas..

~"The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl."~ Dave Barry

Oscar was so proud to show me his(already eaten) "gingerbread house"..

So...it's four days before Christmas and all through the house...my kids are actually kind of calm.( all the sugar from class parties has knocked them out)  It's ME who is stressing out!.  So much to do and so few days to do it in. Which I don't mind..I really do enjoy Christmas.  It's fun. It's all the stuff leading up to Christmas that makes things a little tense. The concerts, the parties.. 

 Not a creature was stirring... Just me..desperately trying to FIND the one (impossible to find) present Lily has asked for. In our case "Zoomer" the robotic dog-which , is NO WHERE to be found.  Believe me-I have had people looking. The thing is-she'll be fine if she doesn't get it.  More than fine. It's just that she has worked really hard this year-and I wanted her to have something extra special..We don't buy them many gifts other than at Christmas and their birthdays.(even though it feels as though they have an abundance of stuff). Part of the reason is because...well, there are four of them! I also like to believe that we are teaching them the difference between "want" and "need"..That it isn't "stuff" that makes you happy..blah blah blah...you know, all those parenting things you are supposed to teach. Are they getting it?  I don't know-but in the rich fantasy section of my mind (all parents have this section-you know, that place where you imagine them growing up to be decent, kind, good and giving world policy makers) they are.

The stockings were hung by the chimney...actually they aren't. We don't have a fireplace.   When I was a kid, I used to ask my parents what they wanted for Christmas.  They always said "good kids".  As I got older, I replied "Since there is no chance of that happening-what else would you like?".."Nothing-we have everything we need."..I never fully understood that until I became a parent myself. There is really nothing that I need. The kids are happy and healthy, Omar has a good job, we have a roof over our heads...Sure, there are things that I would like to change in the world. Peace, understanding-and good will towards everyone would be great.I am doing my best to help make those things happen (i.e. raising good kids) ..Today, Oscar  asked me what it was that I wanted for Christmas..and I gave may parents answer "Good kids".."But you already have them!".."I know! So, I guess I don't want anything."

In hopes that St. Nicholas Mike Holmes soon would be there...But..*sigh* that isn't really true.  I want Mike Holmes for Christmas.( For anyone who doesn't know who he is-click on the link) No!  I don't WANT him..although he does cut a dashing figure in his overalls...I want him to come and finish fix finish my house!  Oh how I love watching his show!
He meets with a distraught homeowner whose contractor has walked out on them mid job..Sound familiar?(Although, I bet THEIR contractors never came back 18 months later(with no contact in between) asking for their tools back) And within an hour-poof! The home is fixed. The owners are teary eyed and thankful. It's like he's a white knight-but with a tool belt instead of a horse. He and his trusty crew fix everything-and then some. Pointing out all the sloppy work that had been done by their previous contractor. Now, I will admit-I don't think our contractors were sloppy per say...they were just kind of.....neglectful.(forgot that we existed)  That doesn't mean Mr. Holmes wouldn't have things to point out! No indeed! He could just look at the jobs that Omar and I have started *sigh* but just never seem to be able to finish( between doing all the various kid stuff, going to work and laundry)..and he would have a field day.  I could even manage (or at least try to manage) to look ashamed of our work...although I would probably laugh. Especially as bits of insulation fell out of the walls, and especially when he stumbled upon Omar's tool of choice( steak knife)or my elderly dogs, two chickens and three cats which are scattered(mostly the steak knives) around the house and yard. It would make for good entertainment.  I would even try to cry a little at the end as we thanked him profusely. Most likely though I would just be shocked...gobsmacked even! Imagine-painted walls instead of bits of sheetrock, finished floors-electrical outlets with real covers on them! It's like porn for the housing challenged! Oh..I really really want Mike Holmes for Christmas...

Now Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now Prancer and Vixen! On, Comet! On, Cupid! On Mike Holmes and Blitzen!..alright, maybe I'm getting a little carried away here. But it's Christmas-and I will allow myself to dream a little. In the mean time-I've got presents to wrap, a robot dog to (maybe) find...and some insulation that needs to be shoved back in place. I hope that you all have the merriest of Christmas's and a wonderful new year. Oh...and if you happen to see Mike Holmes..tell him I said hi.