Saturday, May 1, 2010

The garanimal code

"Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits
worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully."
Fran Lebowitz

I am having a hard time writing a post this week. It isn't that I lack material-I have four kids...there is always something to write about. Plenty of things have happened...from the roofers being ..well on my roof the girls reenacting that "strange thing the dogs are doing to each other" I have actually uttered the words "Lily please don't hump your sister-it is not polite!" So you see, I have plenty to say..but I guess the business of life is keeping me from stringing it together into one coherent piece. Maybe it's Spring fever..who knows..

For the past two weeks, I have been on a quest. Searching for appropriate clothing for little girls. It shouldn't be hard to find. All I want are a couple of pairs of shorts to get them through the summer-is that too much to ask? I mean come one-they are four and six years old. Do they really need low riders and short shorts? Shirts with cut outs and spangles? They're kids not Vegas entertainers! But so far, finding decent summer wear has been as elusive as the holy grail has been to biblical scholars. It has been THAT hard. So much so that I have no problem imagining Dan Brown writing a riveting story about it.

I could see Tom Hanks(as Robert Langdon) tweed jacket picking frantically through the animal coded garments at some lovely European version of Walmart, tape measure in hand (instead of the usual codex) with a lovely brunette at his side..(She of course will have some sort of advanced degree in clothing) "Wait! if you match the hippo with the should have a complete outfit" "hippo with hippo?" Langdon pauses..staring off into space.. "What?! what is it?" "I just remembered..give me a's an ancient song..the union ladies sang it.." "But how does it help us?? How does it explain why appropriate little girls clothing only goes up to a size 5?" " It goes like this..look for the union label when you are buying a coat dress or blouse..." "What does that have to do with girls clothing!!" "We have to find the union label!!"
And the hunt would be on! Through various clothing stores, being chased by irate designers, Robert Langdon being buried under piles of clothes-thus demonstrating his "clothes- traphobia"..until in a heart pounding climatic scene on the top of the Sears tower- he figures it all out. The sun rises, he hugs the woman...and little girls everywhere are dancing in the streets..appropriately dressed of course.

Now I would definitely pay go to see that movie. And this is coming from someone who hasn't actually sat in a movie theatre since seeing "The Lord of the rings-Return of the King". So if anyone here wants to drop a line to either Dan Brown or Tom Hanks, I would appreciate it. Especially if it leads to them figuring out just why I can't seem to find appropriate Summer clothes for my girls. Until then, my hunt continues. Hopefully by this time next week, I will have some news for you..or at least a more relevant post.

Click on the video below to hear the song Robert Langdon mentions. I remember this from when I was a kid. It certainly brings back memories...and makes me laugh as well..
the song starts at the 0.29 mark...


Kim Wombles said...

heehee, that's hilarious. :-) I know, it's all but impossible to find respectable clothing for little girls. Sigh. If I find any, I will let you know. Capris. Amish clothing?

Jen said...

I can barely get proper clothes for my 1 year old daughter, they all have diamante and girly (eewwwww) stuff on them. What if she eats the diamante? I'm not joking there btw. All the clothes are styled like grown up stuff, really inappropriate. Very enjoyable to see the Dan Brown/Tom Hanks take on it though :D Jen.

kathleen said...

Hi Kim..Amish??!! hahahahahaha! As I have trouble getting Zoe to wear more than a sock most would be funny.

Hi Jen- :) kids have eaten bits of clothing. poor girls..I get tee shirts and shorts from the boys dept. sometimes. They would love some pretty things..but hell one of them may be a stripper by choice-I'm not going to dress her as if it is her preofession ;0

denise said...

"Lily, stop humping your sister-"

HA! That's it! That's the creme de la creme of bizarre statements that mothers throughout history have uttered. I love it :)

kathleen said...

Hi Denise! yes, I do so much want to write a post on the strangest sentences I never in a million years would have thought I would ever say..:)