milestones

"I hate writing, I love having written"

Dorothy Parker

I am having a hard time writing lately. It isn't as though things haven't happened. I have four kids-things are always happening! I also have the ever present electrician..so my power has been on and off-a lot. Although, thanks to him my house is now safe, and I have a dishwasher!!! So, I definitely don't lack material. Or time. In fact, since three of the herd are in school all day...I have lots of time... I think it is just too quiet. I guess I'm just used to constantly being interrupted, asked for things, attention given..the regular stuff that kids demand..usually when you have your hands full. Fact is, my kids are getting older..more self sufficient..and although I revel in this..I'm not sure what to do with myself anymore. My kids are growing up, and I don't know how I feel about that.

Omar and I recently celebrated our sixteenth anniversary..and come December, we will have been together eighteen years. Last night, not only did he surprise me with an impromptu date..he even arranged babysitting. This is the first time that we have gone out to dinner by ourselves since Sammy was six months old. (he is now eleven) That date was cut short because Sammy wouldn't stop crying and the baby sitter was overwhelmed. Until last night, I didn't realize just how much I missed it. It seems like I have forgotten how to be an independent adult. One that didn't need to cut any ones meat, or wipe their faces, or remind them to use the bathroom.




We drove off in companionable silence..the kind of silence that doesn't need to be filled..when two people are totally comfortable just being with each other. I looked over at Omar and said "Remember that night eighteen years ago on the "F" train in N.Y., and you first kissed me?...did you ever think that so many years later, we would find ourselves in rural Maine, driving down a dark highway..going on our first date in forever...leaving our FOUR kids at home with a babysitter and her boyfriend..(while silently in my head thinking..without me there to make sure everything is o.k. ..what if it is not o.k.? How could I leave them with a stranger!!??) Omar looked at me and said "I didn't think you would come out so easily".."Me? gulp... Of course I wanted to come..I know the kids are o.k." (I HOPE they are o.k...what if they need me?...) Besides, I left her with both of our cell phone numbers. (the number for poison control...911 on speed dial..everyone in our families numbers, the number for homeland security...) Your phone is on right?"




We actually had a wonderful time. We went to a local Chinese buffet-(I am on a quest to find good Chinese food in Maine..haven't found it yet) stopped off at the store, and just hung out talking. I only checked my phone thirty times or so. It never rang.





When I think back over the last eleven years, I never saw myself as ever being able to go out with Omar like this again. Parenting, to me, has always been about putting my children first. I still believe that. I guess that I just never imagined that they wouldn't need me as much as they did when they were younger. I have always said that children develop and grow at their own pace. That it didn't matter how or when they reached particular milestones..Only that they were given the support, guidance, unconditional love and acceptance to get there. When we got home, the kids were excited to see us. They had had a great time with the babysitter-and were even asking that she come back again. How cool is that? I am already looking forward to our next date night. It looks like we reached another milestone, only this time it was my own. I guess that mothers develop and grow at their own pace as well.



This month marks my one year "blogoversary". One year since I started writing about my herd and our adventures. One year of enormous change and growth for all of us. One more year in which I survived the perils of motherhood. When I decided to start writing , I was one angry...well... mother. I saw the way autism was being defined by the media, saw the way it was making victims out of parents, just because they had a child with autism. Thus, my blog was born. I wanted to show people that my family wasn't that much different from theirs. That yes, autism does affect the way in which we do things-but like everyone else..we put our pants on one leg at a time. Well, with the exception of Zoe, who doesn't really like to wear pants..or clothes for that matter. I wanted to make people laugh. There is way too much argument and controversy in the autism community. I wanted to create a positive place for people to go to.



So to all you kids who have read or commented..thank you. I have made some wonderful connections through my blog, and a few very fabulous friends. Small as it may be, I feel like I am contributing something positive....and it is a nice ego boost! Like so many others, I want to change how the world sees my kids, one post at a time.



Hopefully, in the next year, Omar and I will have more date nights, more time to spend together....alone. Maybe, just maybe, I will be able to relax enough to fully enjoy them. Until then, I will continue developing and growing..along side my kids. The adventures will continue, as will the challenges. I'm sure I'll have plenty to write about.

To EEEE or not to EEEE

"The littlest birds sing the prettiest songs"
The be good Tanya's

Two of my herd came downstairs today wearing shorts and tank tops. It is thirty degrees outside. We have already had our first freeze...sigh...I am still waiting for summer. It seems like we have had mostly rain and chilly weather since the middle of June. I was hoping for a warm fall. Needless to say, we have been mostly stuck inside the house. It isn't that bad..if you like hearing the theme song to "My little Pony" played over and over again on the computer..and the not so dulcimer tones of the trombone being practiced. Yes, this year instead of singing in the concert choir, Sammy has elected to play the trombone.

You very well may wonder as I do, what possessed my boy to choose the trombone. We listen to all kinds of music in our home. I try to expose them to all kinds of sounds and styles..from Rock to Punk..to Jazz and classical..swing and Ska. There is nothing though that features the trombone. No "Greatest Trombone melodies" or "Romance of the trombone". It is just one of those instruments that you know is there, but you don't really pay attention to. I asked Sammy, "Why the trombone buddy?" he responded.."Because the tuba would look weird." O.K... What else could I do but support him.

The music teacher was not so encouraging. I received a call from her, where she expressed her concerns about Sammy learning an instrument. She didn't feel that he had the patience or the inclination for formal music lessons. Sigh...I had this same discussion with her last year when he wanted to sing in the concert choir. He auditioned and got in-but the music teacher felt he might not be able to handle group singing. Not only did he handle it-he excelled. I reminded her of this. She brought up his trouble with playing the recorder. I said that Sammy, because of his fine motor difficulties, had trouble with the fingering required..that he really had no interest in the recorder and that he only played it because it was required for the class. That furthermore, other children were being rewarded with " colored strings" for their mastery of the recorder, and this made Sam incredibly anxious..She countered with.."Playing an instrument is a commitment-he didn't stick with concert choir"..In which I replied " He didn't like the music you chose for them to perform...that songs like "Farmer Jon's nappy knickers" just didn't inspire Sammy (or anyone else) to sing. That he was more interested in working in contemporary (meaning from at least the last 50 years) music. I was met with silence..Ha HA! I won! My prize? A free loaner trombone that the school had.

We picked up his trombone last Tuesday. I drove over to the school with both of my boys. Oscar came along for the ride, because he loves school-and has expressed his desire to live there. I happened to glance over at Oscar as I was standing in line to buy the various trumpet accessories(book, music stand, cleaner, sedatives for me...) He was sitting off by himself just stimming away. Very tight arm movements and grimacing. I called over to him"Hey Bud, you o.k.?" He stims sometimes when he is overwhelmed. "I'm o.k. mama." "Your shaking a whole lot, I'm just checking" "I'm o.k. mama." This time, I noticed other people staring at him..I thought about what they were seeing. I'm sure that to them, Oscar looked really odd. I had never looked at him with an outsiders eyes before. We have always felt that his flapping and eeeing were something that he needed to do. We have talked to him about controlling it when he was in the classroom, we have explained that it could be very distracting to other people and that he had to respect that. At home however, his flapping and eeeeing are just part of the background noise. It is home. The place where he should feel safe, secure and confident. We are very open about stimming with Oscar. We have told him that people may or may not understand it, that they might think that he was somehow less because of it. But he is eight years old. How much of that is really relevant to him now? Yes, I want to change how the world perceives people like my kids. But I don't want to use my kids as props to do that. They are just kids-it is not their responsibility. It is giving me a lot to think about lately. I don't have any answers. I think we'll just take it one day at a time. Like the trumpet, or Zoe's obsession with online poker.

Although Sammy hasn't yet had a trombone lesson, he has already figured out how to put it together and how to blow into it. So far, it sounds like our dog Charlie does after he has eaten Italian food. Only the odor is missing. So our home has added one more noise to the already cacophonous symphony that is my family. At least for the most part they are happy noises..I can handle that....sigh... Only 150 days till spring.

A long days journey in run-on sentences

"I grabbed hold my old guitar, and Carter started up the car
We left with no goodbyes.
Didn't know where we was heading
just as long as we was getting
places afar
We were on our own and glad to have no home
We were flying free, that crazy man and me"

From "Carters Song" by De Leopold

It has been a hectic, crazy overwhelming week here. I planned on writing all about it yesterday. I thought "I'll just get the kids off to school, fix a big cup of coffee and write" Sounds simple enough, right?.. but nothing could be further from the truth...

I woke up at my usual 5:30..hit the snooze button..5:40...hit the snooze button...5:50..You get the idea..So when 6:20 rolled around..I was a frantic half crazed woman in dire need of coffee..rousing my kids from bed with a "C'mon!! We're late!!" Rushing down the stairs in a flurry of confusion and caffeine withdrawal..only to be met by an ENORMOUS pile of dog poop.
The kind that you can't ignore and wait for your husband (the man who had to have the three dogs) to come clean it up. This was so gigantic and odoriferous, it took half a roll of paper towels and a lot of bleach to clean up.(I hadn't had coffee yet) In the mean time, Lily being in fine form, took my distraction and lack of caffeine, as her cue to antagonize everyone else-especially Sam. Now Sammy is not a morning person. He prefers to be left alone, to take his time waking up. There I am cleaning up the dog mess while at the same time "encouraging" the kids to get moving, while Lily is simultaneously singing at the top of her lungs and grabbing Sammy's feet (she was lying under the table -why? I don't know). Sammy, stomps off to the living room, furiously wiping tears from his eye saying "I'm fine! I'm not crying!!! Sigh...I try to sooth him without referring to the fact that he is indeed crying, when I hear an "oops!" from Lily...she had knocked over her cereal bowl..off the table and onto the carpet-that I can't clean because my vacuum cleaner is broken. (I can't figure out why I haven't found the time to fix it) I somehow manage to get the cereal cleaned up, kids in sweaters, backpacks packed and everyone on the bus.(without coffee) As I am waving goodbye, I happen to look down at Zoe who is standing in the doorway also waving, only she is stark naked. Crap. 7:30- I now have one hour in which to clean up the dishes, make the beds, get myself (and Zoe) dressed before the electrician shows up at 8:30. I have a doctors appointment at 11:00..so I should have plenty of time. Right. 8:30 rolls around...no electrician...9:00...nope..I call Omar..he calls the electrician. The electrician calls me at 9:30, he is going to be late. REALLY????, I reply..he doesn't get my subtle humor. 10:30 rolls around-still no electrician..I call Omar.."I have to leave!!!" He says he will cancel the electrician for the day...and for me to just go. Just go? On any other day that would be easy. Today however, there is sewer work being done in my town...so there are detours..lots of them. Thus the fifteen mile trip to the doctor turned into a 45 mile excursion....I am late but thankfully, that is o.k....the doctor can still see me. I am starting to think that maybe the day is turning around..I have had coffee, got to my appointment..It is going to be smooth sailing..Until Zoe decided that she liked the doctors waiting room...liked it so much that she threw a hissy fit when it was time to leave. I had no choice but to carry a screaming squirming child ..past the annoyed looks of other patients...out through the building and across the vast parking lot and into the van. (at least she was dressed!) Another 45 miles later-we finally got home. Where lo and behold, I found the electrician waiting for me! HA! HA! or so I thought...I told him to please wait while I opened the side door for him- To please not open the front door, as this would let the dogs out. Can you guess what he did? That's right. He opened the front door-releasing the hounds (so to speak) Who of course headed towards the sewer work and the very busy road. Back into the van I went (Zoe was still in the van-as she threw yet another fit refusing to get out when she saw that the electrician was a man, and she "DOESN'T LIKE BOYS") -Back along the detour I drove..flashers on, yelling at the dogs to get in. I felt like a deranged kidnapper, all I needed was some candy and a raincoat. Eventually, after what felt like hours, I caught up with them. I got (dragged) them into the van and back to the house. I was home free!..yeah. As I opened the door to let them in, I was greeted by an ominous presence..a whiff of foreboding..I was consumed by a sense of dread..right there, on the center of the floor...mocking me with its very presence, was a huge pile of dog poop. sigh... I just didn't have it in me to blog anymore.

I had intended to write all about Sammy. How he had just turned eleven last week, and of my sister (eleven years my senior) who died a few days later. I wanted to talk about how Sammy lives on the autism spectrum and how my sister died from cancer....about those parents of autistic children who claim that they would prefer that their kids had cancer. How very wrong and misguided I thought that they were. But instead, I wound up writing the above.

I had wanted to honor them. Sammy, for the young man he is becoming-loving, joyful-a gentle soul...and my sister-one of the most difficult, yet brilliantly talented, wickedly funny people that I have known. I wish them both peace and light. and absolutely no dog poop.

Confessions of a worrier mother...

"Charity creates a multitude of sins"

Oscar Wilde

I was over at LB/RB last night reading Sullivan's post "Why I don't like "I am autism"" http://leftbrainrightbrain.co.uk/?p=3226#ixzz0SJwLlKNl/ You can follow the link over there to read it. I thought that it was a well written piece. Some of the comments however, left me cold. One parent in particular grabbed the spotlight. Most every comment that they made, proved the point of Sullivan's post. This particular parent at times said some horrifying (in my opinion) things. This in turn lead to the entire thread being a debate between just about everyone and this parent. So much so that the title of the post could easily have been changed to "The life and times of Bensmyson"

I myself made a few comments. One in particular was in direct rebuttal to something this parent said. They made the comment that 1.5 million people in the U.S. SUFFER from autism-I replied with the simple statement-"my kids don't suffer" In turn I was told that I was one of the "lucky ones"-and then given a detailed description of all of their child struggles. I never implied that my children didn't struggle- simply stated that they didn't suffer. They were right however in one area-I am lucky. Although my reasoning and theirs probably differ. I don't know this for a fact, because they never responded when I asked "HOW I was lucky?"

Three of my kids are on different parts of the autism spectrum. They work very hard to try and navigate a world that doesn't always make sense to them. Every day poses new challenges.
Yet, they face them-because I ASK them to. How staggering is that? Being a mother is a powerful job-definitely not for the faint of heart. I take my position seriously. Oh, I have made many mistakes-which I no doubt will hear about in years to come. But I am learning. I think the most important lesson has been that children become what you tell them they are. All children, no matter what their ability. It is for that reason I talk about acceptance and love instead of laundry lists of symptoms or ridiculous and oft times dangerous treatments My kids have disabilities, they are not broken. They are not empty shells, they don't need to be "recovered".
They are right in front of me (most of the time asking for things) I had best make sure my words have substance and meaning. Because those are the words that they will carry with them for the rest of their lives. I am their mother. That is my job, my responsibility, and privilege.

It always astounds me when I am told things like "you are one of the lucky ones" or "your kids aren't really autistic". Astounds me. What I find equally mind blowing is the thought that because I accept my children, accept that three of them have autism-I don't do anything to help them. Nothing could be further from the truth. I just don't have the need to advertise the things that we have done, in such a way as to garner sympathy or admiration for myself. I'm a mother, and I'm just doing my job. It is not about me. It is about my children. Yes, we have worked really really hard, but my kids...they have worked harder. I might do the steering, but the driving is all them. They are incredible human beings-all four of them. I am blessed.

That's not to say I don't have days when I want to run away from home. That however, has nothing to do with autism ..but more to do with the fact that I have four very active kids, three hyper dogs, an overly affectionate cat, a leaky roof, faulty electrical wiring..and a myriad of other things.(sigh) I think that you truly know that you're a mother when a private and secluded bathroom of your own is your secret desire.

I am not a warrior mother. I am more of a worrier mother. I worry about getting my kids the appropriate services, I worry about their education, I worry about their needs being met, I worry about discrimination, I worry about them going out into the world as adults, I worry about films like "I am autism", I worry that they do not give voice to the people who do have autism...I worry that this will somehow demonize my children-who will always have autism, I don't however worry about "recovering", "curing", or somehow defeating them. I don't worry that my children view themselves as somehow broken and needing to be fixed. I don't worry that they see themselves as somehow less, or as a burden. They know that they are cherished, that they are loved, that they are different-that different can be hard, but it isn't wrong. I recognize that my children, all of them, are human beings. Deserving of the same respect, treatment, inclusion and acceptance as is any other human being. I recognize that it is my responsibility to try and make the world a better more accommodating place for them. I recognize the importance my role as their mother is. I think about all of this and can say with certainty, yes, I am one of the lucky ones.

Call waiting

"If the phone doesn't ring, it's me"
Jimmy Buffet

If I were to call out to the kids.."who wants to help me put this laundry away?" or "Who is going to help clean up this play room?" I would be met with an eerie silence..only the sound of crickets chirping away outside. You would think that I was totally alone in this vast falling down barn of a house. The same goes when I ask them questions about their day..or what happened in school.
I don't get conversation..but instead, one word answers. There could have been a Ninja attack or free elephant rides..but I won't hear about it. Not when I ask. No, my kids save all conversation for when I am on the phone. Normally, I am very proud of my children's manners. They say please and thank you, excuse me when they interrupt a conversation..they are well behaved. Until I start talking on the telephone. That is when all bets are off. It is as if some bizarre force takes over-and they MUST have my undivided attention at that very moment. They will do anything that they can to get it. Crazy things...scary things...dangerous things..The more I attempt to hold them off-the harder they try.

I am not a fan of talking on the phone. I prefer having my conversations in person. In some cases though, there aren't any other options. My sister lives four hundred miles away, so the phone is definitely more convenient. I do try to time my conversations for when the kids are at school. There are days however, when this just doesn't work out. Close friends, family,..they understand my kids ..they are prepared to be interrupted five thousand times or so. We are working on it.

Saturday morning, I was expecting an important call. There was no other possible time for this person to call me. I warned them that we would be interrupted-a lot. No problem, they understood, they had kids too. I threatened...I mean warned the kids as well..I set them up with snacks, computer games DVDs..I told them "This is an important call..please let me talk-IN PEACE!" They said that they would and went off to the various things that I had set out for them. At around ten a.m. the phone rang. The kids were all occupied for the moment-so I rushed to answer it. I wanted to get as much conversation in-before they noticed.

Me: "Hello?"

Caller: "Kathleen?"

Me: "Yeah..Hi!..Could you hold on a second please...Sammy! now is not the time to tell me about Pokemon-I am on the phone...I'll be off in a minute..yes, in a minute.. I'm sorry, the kids seem to need me more when I'm on the phone..."

Caller: "That's o.k. I was calling about..

Me: "Sorry!..hold on a second please...What Oscar?..now is not the time to say that.. I am on the phone..Osc...not now..not...sigh..fine Chowders Feet!..o.k.? Go play on the computer...I'll be off in a minute...sorry..where were we?.."

Caller: "That's fine, I wanted to tell you about.."

Me: "Ahhh...hold on!! Lily!!! Get off of the table right now! ..NOW!! We do not stand on tables!!! Now Lil! You want what? I'm on the phone..I'll be off in a few..what? The river?!! Zoe you are three! You can not play online poker!.I don't care if you have two Q's!!...sorry..I'm back..(BEEP) sigh.. hold on it's call waiting..Hello? Yes this is Kathleen..oh.. Hi! I thought I was already talking to.. uh oh..can you hold on?' (click) Hello ? um...who AM I speaking with?"

Caller:"Kathleen?...I was calling with important news about your Sunday newspaper delivery"

Me:" I don't have the Sunday paper delive...hold on...Sammy-STOP! Never stick a knife in the toaster!! that is dangerous! You could electrocute yourself! No..you get it out this way...I'm sorry..I don't get the Sunday paper...hello? ..hello?...(click) hello?...hello?" sigh..both of them hung up.

I can look at this a number of different ways..The important call I was waiting for? Well if it is that important they will call me back....my kids did learn that putting a knife in the toaster and standing on tables can be dangerous things. Although saying "Chowders Feet", and asking for help with online poker..we will just have to work harder on those things. As for telemarketers?
I doubt that I will be receiving calls about the Sunday paper any time soon..I do know this. If I ever want my kids undivided attention, if I ever want to know what they are up to, what they are doing...all I have to do is pick up the phone.

Oscar and the abstract cactus...

I do remember one thing.It took hours and hours but..

By the time I was done with it,

I was so involved, I didn't know what to think.

I carried it around with me for days and days..

Playing little games Like not looking at it for a whole day

And then..

looking at it.

To see if I still liked it. I did.

I repeat myself when under stress.

I repeat myself when under stress.

I repeat myself when under stress.

I repeat myself when under stress.

I repeat..

The more I look at it, The more I like it.

I do think its good.

The fact is..No matter how closely I study it,

No matter how I take it apart,No matter how I break it down,

It remains consistent.

I wish you were here to see it.

I like it.

From "Indiscipline" by King Crimson

Two weeks of school down..sort of. Three days the first week and four the second. Tomorrow begins the first time they will be going for the five full days. Hallelujah! I say this not so much for me-but for them. My kids need a pattern-a consistent pattern. It gives them a feeling of control knowing exactly what they are going to be doing. Having the odd Monday or Friday off, really throws them. They don't know what to do with it, and in turn..I don't know what to do for them. They love school. They love it so much that I can use taking it away as a threat. "Fine, don't clean up this mess..you can stay home from school tomorrow and do it instead." "NO!! Mama..I'll clean it now..don't make me miss school!" "Well.. sigh...it's your choice..." Sometimes I feel down right evil. But, I get over it.

Out of the four of them, change affects Oscar the most. School to Oscar is the ultimate in order.

He has a schedule, a plan, and as long as you follow it-he is one happy boy. If you change it without ample warning (by ample warning I mean-notifying him of the change at least fifty or so times..having him repeat it back to you and putting it in writing-in triplicate) my boy loses it. I can't say that I blame him. He took the time to memorize the schedule that they made, to the point that he knows it forwards and backwards....even "offering" his help should they somehow forget something. He deserves a warning or fifty thousand, if it is going to change.

This year, getting back into the rhythm of things hasn't been so easy. He hasn't had a full week, hasn't gotten to do the things he likes yet (library and music), his teacher has already been absent once..he just doesn't feel settled. It is taking its toll. He is one grumpy boy. Really grumpy. So grumpy that he is taking his mood out on everyone.I did try to talk to him about it..but sometimes, talking to Oscar, especially about his feelings..well...sometimes I feel like I need a guide book, or at least a translator. "Hey bud, what's going on? You know it's not o.k. to hit your sister." "Yes but..but ...but...but..." "But what?" "but..but..but.." "Is it school?" "No!"

"Then what's going on? You seem very grumpy" "I'm ANGRY!" "What are you so angry about?" "I'm angry at the cactus!" "Your angry at...the cactus...What cactus?" "It is sharp and it pokes people." "Wait a second...are we talking about a cactus plant? Is there a cactus at school?" "The cactus pokes people...it hurts them!" "O.k...I'm a little confused Oscar..is there a real cactus?..or do people make you think if cacti?" "Can we be done talking Mama?"..sigh.."O.K- just remember that we don't hit people in this family..it's o.k. to be angry..but we don't take it out on other people..no hitting!..O.K.??" "No hitting..o.k. mama"

Sigh...I'm not quite sure what Oscar meant about the cactus. I do know that the message about not hitting got through. But the cactus? It could in fact mean that Oscar is equating the change of schedule, the uncertainty of his day to day activities-to being poked. A cactus is a great analogy. Only time will tell. I know this much though-I won't know until I know. I can't tell you how many times I have patted myself on the back-thinking I figured something he said out, only to be proven wrong. So until open house night at school, when I know for sure that there isn't a giant cactus wreaking havoc on the students..I'll keep my speculations to myself.

And they're off!

"I got the boogie boogie in my socks"
Rickie Lee Jones
From "Woody and Dutch on the slow train to Peking"

The first day of school in my house is a cause for celebration. The anticipation, the excitement, the sheer exuberance of that day is wondrous. My kids seem pretty excited as well. They finally get to wear their new shoes-(I keep them hidden till the first day..otherwise they would have magically outgrown them or worn them out in the three days since they were bought) new backpacks (also hidden for fear they will be lost or buried in the sandbox) It's a new adventure but the same routine. So they handle it pretty well. For the first day or two at least, after that, all bets are off.

The first day went without a hitch. I woke up before the alarm went off-an amazing feat. We had lived for so many years with sleep deprivation, and now that the kids are sleeping a solid ten hours a night, AND are able to get up unsupervised by themselves...So, I had the luxury of sleeping in this past summer. (Of course what I got up to could be an adventure in spilled milk, cereal,and jelly smears...but it was worth it...and, when I say "sleeping in" I mean lying in bed awake listening to them, because besides being very noisy, they would often come and check to see if I was awake-"IS SHE AWAKE????"..."SHHH YOU"RE TO LOUD!" "I AM NOT-MAMA! SAMMY SAID I WAS TOO LOUD!!") So , on the first day of school, I was surprised to get up as early as I did. I think it was the silence that woke me.

It is nice to be able to enjoy my coffee in that quiet hour before the sun is up, or on this day-the quiet five minutes before my excited herd burst out of their beds. Although "excited" is an understatement. Frenzied..crazed..over stimulated.... Lets just say they were raring to go. "Mama! LOOK AT MY NEW SHOES!!!" "I see them honey, I remember the three hours it took to pick them out" "LOOK MAMA!! THE"HELLO KITTY" ON MY BACKPACK SPARKLES!!!!!" "Yes, I know..you showed me fifty seven times last night" and on it went for two hours until the bus came to take them AWAY!..I mean, the bus picked them up. I stood there as the bus pulled away, shell shocked....just stunned by the absolute quiet-it was deafening.

I spent the day as I said that I would. I listened to music-loud, I drank coffee, I even cleaned out the refrigerator-something that NEEDED to be done. There are people who collect souvenir's of their summer trips, little trinkets to remind them of all their good times...I had my refrigerator. There were the moldy burgers leftover from our first barbecue...half eaten apples from the day I decided to teach them how to make a pie..I even found the ice cream bar Zoe had lost. Sigh...some people have photo albums..I had old food. If only there were a way to save it-preserve it-so that we could take it out and look at it in years to come. "Look Sammy, here's the tuna sandwich with a tiny crumb bitten off-remember this? You swore that you wanted to try tuna, and that you would actually taste it? Remember how you put it in the fridge to save for later?..Maybe next time you could wrap it in something?" "Oh look Lily! I think it's the really expensive blueberries that you couldn't live without !! or is it the bag of raisins Zoe lost..or raisinettes?..Did we ever have a rabbit?" It could be fun.

It took the better part of the day to finish this task- I did take lots of coffee/music breaks. The kids were on their way home by the time I was done. I couldn't wait to see them! Ask them about their days..what did they do? How did they like it? I was so excited! I could hardly contain myself as the bus pulled up to the house...They all came running in "Mama, Mama! We're home!" "Hey! I really missed you guys! How was your day? Did you like it? How are your teachers?" Sammy said "No homework...can I have a snack?" Oscar said " It was good, can I go on the computer?" and my Lily (for whom this was the first time she was in school the full day) "I loved it...I don't know why I didn't do this years ago!" That's about as good as it gets in the description department. They seem happy. We'll see how it goes over the next few days. In the meantime, I'm thinking about cooking something special to commemorate their first week of school. You know, something to stick in the back of the refrigerator to remind me of this special time.